You heard me correctly! Mexican. Breakfast. Pizza!
I couldn’t tell you why, culturally, I like to eat beans with breakfast, but I always have. However, there are only so many ways to do breakfast burritos before you get bored. Enter the Mexican pizza. Inspired by the not-so-classy Taco Bell dish, this is a super healthy, vegetarian version that will keep you full all morning. Plus, if you get your proportions right, you can eat it like a pizza!
Here, I jazz up your average refried beans as unfried beans—all of the fiber, way less fat! Pulsing spinach into the beans adds a hidden serving of greens that even the pickiest eater won’t detect! Bon appetit!
In a food processor, combine 1 can of drained and rinsed black beans with 1/2 cup of salsa, a drizzle of olive oil, and a handful of spinach (baby spinach or stems removed). Pulse until it reaches a hummus-like consistency. Salt to taste. Heat in microwave or on stovetop.
Place 2 tortillas on a baking sheet in a single layer and drizzle with olive oil. Bake for 5 minutes, or until lightly browned and crisp.
Whisk together 3 eggs and scramble, cheese optional.
Place each tortilla on a plate. Spread the bean mixture onto the tortilla, divide the eggs evenly between the servings and sprinkle with cheese. If you are deeply ambitious, broil it for a couple of minutes to melt the cheese.
Add toppings to your heart’s content! Slice 4 ways with a pizza cutter, or dig in with a fork and knife. Bonus points if you serve it with a Tequila Sunrise.
Optional toppings:
Hot sauce/sriracha
Salsa
Leftover roasted veggies
Sauerkraut (don’t @ me, ‘kraut is good on everything)
Sliced avocado
Pico de gallo
Shredded lettuce
Sliced black olives
Pepitas
This is, quite literally, one of the easiest breakfasts you’ll ever make. It’s so fun to get creative with your pantry staples! We tried to get a picture of these, but accidentally devoured them instead. Oops!
Sometimes, you’ve just got to make chili, but you don’t have any beans, meat, or meat-adjacent foods in the house. So you improvise! My husband is a garbanzo fiend, so I knew he wouldn’t sweat the substitution.
It’s been bitterly cold in New England for the past few weeks (no lie—we got a storm that was called a “bomb cyclone” in case we weren’t miserable enough), so something hot and spicy was what the doctor ordered.
I whipped this up using ingredients I had on hand, but it turned out so delicious, I wanted to record the recipe for posterity! Enjoy!
P.S. I highly recommend using all organic ingredients, if possible, because of course I do.
Picante Chickpea & Lentil Chili
2 cans garbanzo beans*
1 c. green lentils
6 c. vegetable broth
1 red onion, diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 zucchini, diced
2 potatoes, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 chipotles in Adobo sauce, diced**
juice of 1 lime
2 tbsp. tomato paste
2 c. premade salsa (or diced tomatoes)
1 oz. bourbon (or 2 oz. beer), optional
1 tbsp. coconut oil
1 tsp. cocoa powder
1 tbsp. Adobo seasoning***
1 tbsp. cumin
1 tbsp. chili powder
salt to taste
*You’re probably a better person than me and make your own chickpeas from dried. In that case, 2-3 cups should suffice.
**Add as much chipotle as you want—just be warned that going heavy on the peppers will make this very, very spicy.
***If you don’t have Adobo seasoning, get some sub garlic & onion powder, tumeric, paprika, black pepper, and oregano.
Instructions:
Over medium heat, melt the coconut oil in the bottom of a large saucepan or dutch oven. Add the red onion and celery, lightly salt. Saute until soft. Add the red pepper, potatoes, and zucchini and saute until soft. Add minced garlic and stir until fragrant, 30 sec-1 min. Turn up the heat and deglaze the pan with bourbon, if using. Return to medium heat and add garbanzos, lentils, tomato paste, salsa, chipotles, and spices. Stir until fragrant, 1 min. Add vegetable broth and bring to a boil. Once it reaches a boil, reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, for 30 mins. At the 30 min mark, check the lentils and potatoes for doneness (I know this is a meat term, but I’m appropriating it!). If soft, turn off heat and add lime juice. Salt/spice to taste.
Serve with brown rice and top with avocado, cilantro, sour cream, or shredded cheese!
It probably comes as no surprise that I’m into juicing. I mean juicing like kale smoothies, not like steroids, of course. Ah, juice: $7 cups of raw goodness that pick you up without a caffeine crash later. Heaven!
Well, heaven for Gwyneth Paltrow and the GOOP co., maybe. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the funds for a $7/day juice habit! In a perfect world, yes, I could endlessly patronize my local juiceries, but I had to find a more practical way of incorporating this healthy habit into my lifestyle.
Enter, the Jack LaLanne juicer. I’ve linked to the one I actually own, but other choices can be found here, here, here, and here. Funny story—I have been gifted 2 identical Jack LaLanne Power Juicers in my life! The first one came many moons ago from the grandfather of an ex-boyfriend (random), and the second came last year when a thoughtful coworker noticed that I was into healthy eating. I can certainly understand the impulse to ditch your juicer: they’re bulky, they take up valuable cabinet space, and they come with a million parts, all of which need to be cleaned with every use. It’s annoying! However, the five minutes you’ll spend washing your juicer is, in my opinion, worth saving the $5-$10 you’ll spend on a takeout juice, especially since you can make as much as you want at once. I just made a quart of the stuff!
For the longest time I kept meaning to juice, but felt overwhelmed at concocting a recipe. What, for instance, can be juiced? If I throw all of the produce in my fridge into the machine, will it taste disgusting?
As it turns out—everything and no! So, here’s my foolproof recipe, my “everything but the kitchen sink” juice that is as delicious as it is nutritious!
“Kitchen Sink” Juice, makes just under 1 quart
1 lemon, halved
2 clementines or 1 orange, halved
2 small or 1 large apple, seeds and stems removed
2 stalks celery, rough chopped
1 small head romaine lettuce, rough chopped
1 inch piece of ginger, peeled
2 cups baby carrots
filtered water
3 large leaves cabbage, optional
Wash and prep all of your fruits and veggies. Shove them down the juicer chute to extract juice. Pour into a quart mason jar or pitcher and top off with filtered water. Give it a shake and serve right away! I like to save my leftovers for the next morning, because what kind of psychopath gets up early enough to juice before work? Not me.
Alternate preparation if you don’t have a juicer: combine all ingredients (including filtered water) in a high speed blender until liquefied. Strain the pulp out with a nut milk bag.
*very Stefon voice* This juice has everything: Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, B vitamins, folate, potassium, manganese, anti-inflammatory agents, Vitamin E, and calcium! If it were any healthier, I might have to ditch my one true love, coffee, in the mornings! But don’t worry, coffee, that will never happen.
***
I’ve found the trick to delicious juice every time is the addition of citrus and ginger. Apart from the health benefits they each bring to the table, they make anything taste delicious. For instance, I despise raw celery with a passion, but I’m out here tryna get that Vitamin K!
These ingredients were selected, because at least in my limited scope of understanding, you can reasonably expect to have most of this stuff in your fridge at any given moment. The cabbage is optional, since I don’t think it’s common to have a head of cabbage rolling around in your produce drawer, but I highly encourage you all to get on-freaking-board with cabbage. It’s so good, and good for you! Cabbage is the ride-or-die of greens (or is it a cruciferous veg?)—it can be eaten raw, steamed, sauteed, roasted, or boiled in a soup, it’s packed with vitamins, there are a million different varieties, and best of all, studies have shown that eating yo’ cabbage can help to prevent Type II diabetes! #cabbageappreciationpost
P.S. The next National Cabbage Day is February 17, 2018. If our current administration hasn’t destroyed the planet in nuclear war by then, see you there!
I. Love. Noodles. I know that I have argued that tacos and burritos are the world’s best foods, but noodles put up a very good fight for that title. Noodles are versatile AF! There are a million different kinds, all of which are the most fun to eat. There is nothing glamorous to slurping down a big bowl of noodles—perhaps it is the great equalizer we have all sought. Maybe noodles will bring world peace at last.
gimme these right now!A note on terminology: I don’t know if this is actually correct, but to me, a noodle is derived from rice, and pasta is derived from wheat. When people call pasta products “noodles”, I get a mild aneurysm, but then again, I never said I wasn’t compulsive.
I grew up a ramen fanatic, and I never grew out of it. I did, however, grow out of that MSG life. Health nuttiness and packaged food ne sont pas les choses qui vont très bien ensemble, très bien ensemble. I’ve been listening to Rubber Soul a lot lately, can you tell?
Unnecessary and ill-advised Beatles reference aside, my life’s mission is to eat noodles daily, and this is my go-to recipe when I come home from a long day at work and just want to gorge on something that won’t give me heart disease or diabetes #pieloverforlife. This recipe is also one of many in my personal give tofu a chance crusade, the sword I have chosen to fall on. Enjoy, my loves!
Easy Breezy Noodle Bowls, serves 2
prep time: 10 mins / cook time: 10 mins
1 pkg udon noodles
2-3 c. chopped broccoli florets (the broccoli shrinks when cooked!)
1 pkg firm tofu, drained and cubed
soy sauce or tamari
sriracha
sesame oil
rice vinegar
cornstarch
sesame seeds
coconut oil for frying
agave, optional
ginger paste, optional
garlic, chopped, optional
chopped nori, optional
matchstick carrots, optional
matchstick cucumber, optional
To start, set a pot of lightly-salted water on to boil. When it reaches boiling, cook your noodles according to package directions. I buy frozen, so it usually takes about 4-minutes of cooking. Drain noodles and set aside.
Next, whisk together your soy sauce mixture. I use a few tablespoons of soy sauce, a squirt of sriracha, and a dash of sesame oil. Optionally, you can add ginger, garlic, and/or agave to this mixture to add more flavor to the final product. But this is the basic 10-minute version of this recipe, so fancy ingredients be damned!
Drain your block of tofu. Press out as much of the water as humanly possible, and then chop into cubes. This is a great guide to pressing tofu! Once cubed, toss the tofu in some cornstarch and pan fry in the oil of your choice—I like to use coconut for this. Fry the tofu until it’s golden on all sides—do your best with this, it’s hard to flip that many little pieces evenly! Then pour your soy sauce mixture over the tofu, toss in the pan until evenly coated, and then remove from heat. Save a little bit of the soy mixture—you’ll want to toss the broccoli in it later!
While the tofu is frying, get out your wok (if applicable) and start cooking your broccoli! I like to cook the broc in sesame oil, because it has such a great flavor. Heat the oil over medium heat, add the broccoli, and stir-fry! I like to let it cook in the oil for a few minutes, and then squirt in a little rice vinegar to help soften the broc (I’ve seen Hibachi chefs do this, so it must be the proper way, right?) After the broccoli has reached your desired texture, drizzle the soy sauce mixture over it, toss, remove from heat, and then proceed to assemble your bowls! Start with noodles, add broccoli, and top with tofu! Sprinkle the whole bowl with sesame seeds, and grab some chopsticks! You’re ready to eat a passably nutritious meal that kicks take-out’s ass any day of the week!
My favorite way to eat this is with an additional sprinkling of chopped nori and some cold matchstick veggies on top (carrots or cucumbers are the way to go). Also, everything tastes better if you eat it with chopsticks, so don’t skimp!
***
That’s it, honeys! I usually have all of these ingredients on hand, so this is a common throw-together lunch in my household. This is also a great starter dish for anyone who is looking to cut a little bit of meat from his or her diet. It’s packed with protein (and probiotics if you add the nori). The above method of preparing tofu ensures a nice crisp on the outside that will have even the most adamant tofu naysayer begging for seconds.
If you’re anything like me, you often find yourself wondering, “How can I incorporate more tacos into my every day life?” Soft or hard, veggie or bean, I love all tacos indiscriminately (get your mind out of the gutter).
Breakfast tacos aren’t exactly a stunning innovation. The breakfast burrito is a restaurant menu staple for good reason—Tex-Mex and breakfast foods are a beautiful marriage of flavors. But it is my life’s mission to eat (specifically cruciferous) vegetables at every meal, and damn it, I will accomplish it!
These tacos are endlessly customizable, and a great way to pack some serious nutrition into your morning. Plus, everything tastes better in a taco shell. It’s literally science.
Cauliflower is my favorite here, but other veggie options include broccoli, sweet potato, Brussels sprouts, or zucchini!
Eggy Brekkie Tacos
soft corn tortillas, taco size
1-2 eggs (per person), scrambled
leftover roasted veggies (I recommend cauliflower)
salsa
Optional toppings might include: shredded cheese, sour cream, avocado, bean dip, hot sauce, sauerkraut—if you can dream it, you can do it!
If you don’t have any leftover veggies (I seem to always have something in my fridge), toss your chopped veggie of choice in olive oil, salt, and black pepper, and roast until soft and slightly browned.
Scrambled your eggs and heat up as many tortillas as you plan to eat. I like to heat my tortillas over the open flame on the stove, but the microwave or the oven on a very low setting will work just as well. As soon as everything is piping hot, assemble your tacos by dividing the scrambled eggs and vegetables amongst the tortillas. For the less adventurous (read: messy) eaters among us, combine all desired ingredients into a bowl and top with the corn tortillas, chopped. Dig in!
There you have it: every food group before 10 am. Brb—gonna go whip up some more breakfast tacos!
This morning’s variation: spinach, black bean dip, salsa, scrambled eggs, beet & red cabbage sauerkraut, hot sauce
I found myself in an incredibly rare predicament the other night: I had a ton of time on my hands, but zero chef-spiration! Usually it’s quite the opposite—I’m racing the clock to get a meal on the table and I have to edit my ideas down to what’s achievable in the span of an hour.
My malaise was so powerful that even after flipping through a few of my cookbooks (The First Mess Cookbook, One Part Plant, and Thug Kitchen) I was without direction. A lot of recipes sounded great, but I was always an essential ingredient or two off. I’m, like, the Dowager Countess of substitutions, but, like I said, I had zero creativity.
So, since time was on my side, I decided to make something that has evaded and frustrated me for years: polenta.
I know, I know. You’re like, “Chelsea, wtf? Polenta is two ingredients. Do you secretly suck at cooking, and you’ve been stringing us along with this psuedo-cooking blog for almost 2 years?” Ugh, shut up. I was the same way with rice (Martha Stewart recipe, bless up!). For me, it seems, the simpler the recipe, the more I struggle. Bake a pie from scratch? No problem, friend. Make quinoa? *frantically Googles instructions*
Polenta is a tricky beast. It’s technically easy to make, but making it properly is difficult and time-consuming. When I saw the cornmeal in my cabinet, I knew I had found my white whale. Combining this singular vision with a bunch of pantry staples, I embarked on making the least cohesive, yet most delicious dinner I’ve made in ages. And I thought I’d share.
Creamy Polenta with ‘Wino Forever’ White Beans & Roasted Veggies
5 cups water
1 cup cornmeal
1 summer squash, chopped
1 zucchini, chopped
1 onion of your choice, chopped finely
1 head of cauliflower, chopped into florets
2 cloves garlic
1-2 tbsp butter (vegan butter or coconut oil will also work!)
extra virgin olive oil
1 cup cooked corn, fresh or frozen
2 cans white beans, drained and rinsed
1 bay leaf
1/2 cup white wine
1/2 cup vegetable broth
salt
black pepper
red pepper flakes
Preheat the oven to 400, on the roast setting if you have it.
Start the polenta—I use this recipe. I’ll give some basic instructions, but I strongly recommend reading the Serious Eats recipe, as well as the accompanying backstory. I did not follow this recipe properly, which led the polenta to take twice as long to cook. Do as I say, not as I do.
In a large pot, warm the water over a high heat. Whisk in the cornmeal. Bring the pot to a boil, and let boil/simmer, stirring consistently, until the mixture begins to thicken and “spit”. Then lower the heat and let cook for about an hour longer. Make sure you’re stirring frequently! When it’s thick enough that you can pull it away from the pan with your stirring implement, it’s ready to be seasoned with salt and butter. Stir and then serve.
While the polenta is simmering away, steam your corn for a few minutes, until soft. Set aside. Chop your onion, zucchini, squash, and cauliflower, and place them in a glass baking dish. Toss them in a tbsp of olive oil, salt, and black pepper. Stir at the 15 minute mark, and add more olive oil if they’ve dried out. Roast until they reach your desired doneness, browned on the outside, about 30 minutes.
While the polenta and veggies are cooking, start your beans. Drain and rinse 2 cans of white beans. Set aside. Heat 1 tbsp of olive oil over medium heat. Add garlic and cook for a minute or so, until fragrant. Add beans, and toss to coat in the oil. Once the beans are warmed, add your white wine, hot pepper flakes, and bay leaf. Simmer together for 5 minutes, or until the alcohol has cooked off. Add butter and veggie broth, stir, and let simmer for 20 minutes, or until the beans start to fall apart and the liquid has reduced to a gravy-like consistency. Season with salt and black pepper to taste. Remove bay leaf before serving. When finished, the beans have a surprisingly meaty taste!
Stir the corn into the polenta before serving!
Plate the meal in layers, starting with a bed of polenta, piling on the veggies, and topping with the beans and “gravy”. Finish with a sprinkle of freshly ground black pepper. Dig in and enjoy!
**There’s a way to make this so that everything finishes at just about the same time. But I’m more of a renegade chef, plating on the fly.
Always serve with La Croix, obviously.
It’s not the most beautiful meal (lots of yellow and beige) but it is to-die-for delicious! It made a huge batch, so I got to enjoy the leftovers for days to come. For non-veg folk, it might seem odd to eat beans & vegetables for dinner, but trust me—all of your essential food groups are represented, and if I’m not mistaken, this meal is gluten-free!
Welcome back to another installment of Kool Things, a series in which I blab about the handful of things that brought sparkle and shine to my life this week. Let’s dive in!
Remember how, in the first installment of this series, I said, “Get you a Netflix special that can do both”? Well, here’s another one, coming at you. Amy Schumer serves up some realness on her latest, The Leather Special, which has, like all specials released by women, been ratings-trolled by the same MRA garbage piles that do things like, I assume, picket Planned Parenthood and still bring up Bernie Sanders all the time.
Amy’s stand-up is not my absolute fave (we all know I’m a Jen Kirkman stan), but her show, Inside Amy Schumer, has done some really important work, tackling topics like gun violence, online harassment, and sexual assault in the military, among others. The show was even given a Peabody! The special was no different—it’s mostly her trademark “blue” comedy, but she devotes a portion of the hour to discussing the insane gun loopholes that allow the severely mentally ill, domestic abusers, and suspected terrorists to legally purchase guns in the U.S. At a 2015 screening of her film, Trainwreck, two young women, Mayci and Jillian, were fatally shot, inspiring Schumer’s dedication to sensible gun law advocacy. The special, and a portion of Amy’s book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, are dedicated to the memory of the two women.
It’s the particular burden of comics and artists, at least in my opinion, to simultaneously distract and delight us in the ever-darkening political landscape and to raise awareness about social and legislative issues in a way that politicians are failing to do. It is clear from The Leather Special and Inside Amy Schumer that Amy takes the responsibility of her platform seriously and is using her voice to spark positive change. So, if you live outside of the glorious liberal havens known as “blue states”, call your Congressperson and demand gun regulation! Amy Schumer even prints a list of the Congresspeople who receive NRA money in her book—what a handy guide!
Two-fer this week! Jerrod Carmichael’s latest special, 8, is currently streaming on HBO and it is wild! I watched it today, on the heels of badass news about his returning NBC sitcom, and I’m glad I did. I’ve really enjoyed his sets on late night shows, so I was super pumped to check out the special, which was directed by my fave, local hero Bo Burnham.
image via google
Carmichael’s performance was atypical of what we expect from such a high-profile special. HBO! He appeared to be performing in the center of the room, as opposed to from a giant theatre stage, and his delivery was slow and deliberate. The material itself was, as expected, controversial, but the takes were refreshing and unexpected. I can’t believe a comic got me to laugh at the fact that he doesn’t care about global warming! I plan to watch this special again with my husband—maybe I’ll devote a whole post to it then!
A note: post-watching the special, I read a bit of the press on the special and was really surprised to hear some of the criticism. For example, he got called out on doing divisive rape material, but the material itself seemed (at least to me) to be drawing attention to the issue of consent, and how the culture surrounding sex in this country discourages an open dialogue surrounding consent. So, I guess I’m gonna throw a trigger warning on my recommendation to watch this? I encourage everyone to feel their own feelings about the material.
Relatable pull quote: “I’ve got a lot of fears…I’m afraid of going bald before I fuck Rihanna.”
This Movie
all beauty and the beast images via google
The live action Beauty and the Beast is out! I went to see it yesterday with my dad (cuz we cute), and it was a visually spectacular delight!
Obviously, as a feminist, I have a lot of issues with the content of this and other fairy tales. Narratives like Beauty and the Beast can have really damaging consequences on malleable young minds, and if I have children, I plan to allow them to watch these films with a side dish of discussion on consent, agency, and whack societal norms. I went into this film prepared to love it, but willing to be critical. Also, just FYI, I 100% agree with Dana Schwartz’s brilliant Observer piece, “Why Belle Should Have Chosen Gaston”.
Also, while it was super important for Disney to announce that it would include an out, gay character (Le Fou, played by Josh Gad), the “exclusively gay moment” amounted to little more than cheeky innuendo. The portrayal of Le Fou, and the “Musketeer” that he eventually dances with at the end of the film, leaned very heavily on outdated gay stereotypes, like the assumption that all gay men harbor a secret desire to dress in drag. Drag is a magical, beautiful art form, but not all gay men are drag queens and not every drag queen is gay. I shouldn’t have to explain this to filmmakers in the year of our Lord 2017. To clarify, I’m happy that Disney is finally taking baby steps towards inclusivity, I was just deeply underwhelmed.
All of that being said, I loved this movie. I started tearing up during the opening musical number, “Belle”. Beauty and the Beast and all of the (now) classic animated Disney films, like Aladdin, The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, came out right around the time I was born. I must have worn holes in my VHS tapes watching them. I was shocked at how much emotion hearing those songs again brought back. The whole film is visually stunning (I’m sure it will be up for an Oscar next year for costume design or visual effects), Emma Watson holds her own with the singing, and hot British men abound.
my reaction to not being able to find a decent picture of dan stevens post-transformation with the long hair. just imagine this cartoon as a human man.
Dan Stevens, who I loved on Downton Abbey and still haven’t forgiven for leaving the show, looks exactly like the cartoon prince/Beast in the animated film. It is uncanny! And Luke Evans as Gaston—dear God, that is one beautiful Welsh man. The cast for this film is insane—you spend the whole film internally screaming, “I KNOW THAT VOICE!” whenever you hear Cogsworth, Lumière, and Mrs. Potts speak, and lo and behold, it’s Ian McKellan, Ewan McGregor, and Emma Thompson! Audra McDonald and Stanley Tucci as the wardrobe and the maestro was simply inspired casting. We were also graced with the presence of Gugu Mbatha-Raw, who is so beautiful that, upon her transformation from feather duster to human, I nearly had a stroke. I hereby demand that all movies be remade with her as the lead!
gaze upon her! she was a cgi feather duster for the entire film. #wastedopportunites
The new songs were, well, underwhelming, as they always are in these circumstances (“Paris of My Childhood” is never taking off), but the old songs hold up beautifully and were nearly shot-for-shot the same as the animated film. Notable exceptions are the line, “Marie! The baguettes!” which is the best moment in the original film, and “every last inch of me’s covered with hair” during “Gaston”. Did we not, as audience, deserve to see Luke Evans shirtless, Disney?
Run, don’t walk, to go see this lovely film. I will fully be buying it on Blu-ray as soon as it comes out!
Watch Ariana Grade & John Legend sing the theme song here. Listen to Queen Céline’s new BatB ballad here.
This Tote Bag
I have been to the mountaintop, y’all. The JCrew All-Day Tote in Aqua Haze is where. it. is. at. I’ve been dying to get one of J.Crew’s gorgeous leather bags for ages, and I finally took the plunge this week. Why the hesitation, you ask? Well, price point for one. I have a lot of designer bags (ugh, you rich bitch) that I’ve gotten during sales or at similar price points, but those have the added bonus of resale value/demand, so they’ve been (somewhat) justified purchases. But you’ll have to pry this one out of my cold, dead hands. No resale, just love. *very Stefon voice* This bag has everything: pebbled leather, interior slip pockets, an exterior slip pocket that would fit a novella, a sweet little exterior buttoned pocket the size of a credit card, and a cute little hang-tag. It’s the perfect bag for school or work—it easily fits my MacBook!
Basically, I’m obsessed. I recently read this amazing article on Racked about the surprising inclusivity of handbags, so lately I’ve been super appreciating my growing collection.
Right now this bag is on sale in three colors, with an extra 30% off with code “HAPPYSPRING”! Happy shopping!
This Drank
Wow, really, Chels? Following up a call for sensible gun law reform and a Disney movie with a beverage referenced in a System of a Down song? #priorities
But who cares—I love kombucha! Every time I bring up the ‘buch, I feel like that scene in Annie Hall where Alvy orders the alfalfa sprouts and mashed yeast in L.A. However, I’ve recently started drinking kombucha on the regs and I really love it! The American diet is appallingly lacking in probiotics, so ‘buch is a fun and delicious way to up your daily dose. I haven’t tried making my own yet, but I plan to get a kit soon.
My local Wegman’s (shout of to Wegman’s, the best grocery store ever) has an entire cold case devoted to the stuff, and after weeks of lusting after it, I decided to grab a few to try. KeVita has a bunch of amazing flavors that make the idea of drinking fermented mushroom tea a little bit more palatable. GT’s sells them by the case—I highly recommend “Trilogy”.
I am officially a kombucha convert—come join my club!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m pimping my own recipe from earlier this week. But this series is about my favorite things, damn it, and corn chowder is the best! Haters, make the Beyoncé song and exit to the left. This soup is vegan, contains six different vegetables, and tastes like summer cookouts in a bowl. I’m so into it, I might make it twice this week!
Thanks for listening! Check out some of my other weekly faves here and here!
Corn chowder is flipping delicious. Actually, you can put any creamy soup in a bowl, call it chowder, and I will love it, but that’s another issue entirely. #gordo
The only problem with this arguably perfect food is that it is often full of cream and butter, which in moderation are aces, but don’t exactly make for healthy nightly fare. Well, no more. I have created a chowder that is both vegan and made out of six vegetables!
All the veggies / who independent / throw your hands up at me!
I’m really sorry about that. Every time I’m passionate about something, I start helplessly paraphrasing Beyoncé. Six vegetables, though! Now are we getting the title? Where my AP Latin nerds at?
Anyway, here’s my foolproof corn chowder recipe!
Sex-y Corn Chowdah
4 cups corn kernels (fresh is best, frozen will do)
5 cups vegetable broth
1 yellow onion, chopped
3 ribs celery, chopped
1 large russet potato, chopped
1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
1 large organic carrot, peeled and chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1/4 cup scallions, chopped (the green parts)
salt
black pepper to taste
1 tsp dried basil
juice of half a lemon
Some like it hot…for extra zazz, add 1/4 tsp. of cayenne pepper, or a tablespoon of pimenta moida in with the garlic. Highly recommend.
If using corn cobs: lightly grill or roast the cobs. Let cool and cut the kernels off the cob.
If using frozen corn: measure out 4 cups. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spread the kernels out, drizzle with olive oil and dust with salt. Roast at 400 degrees for a few minutes, until the kernels start to brown.
Heat the olive oil in a large pot and add the onion and celery. Sprinkle with 1/4 tsp salt and stir. Cook for 3-5 minutes, until the onion is translucent. Next add the carrot, bell pepper, and potato. Cook for another few minutes, adding black pepper and more salt if desired. Next, add the garlic, 3/4 of the corn, and dried basil. Stir and cook until the garlic becomes fragrant. Next, add the broth and let simmer for 10 minutes, or until the potato is fork tender. Remove the pot from heat and blend the soup with an immersion blender until creamy. Once blended, return the pot to low heat and add the lemon juice and the remaining 1/4 of the roasted corn. Simmer for a few more minutes to allow the flavors to combine. Turn off the heat and add the chopped scallions. Stir around and then taste to see if more lemon juice, salt, black pepper, or basil is needed. Serve immediately and top with more chopped scallions, shredded cheddar cheese, or sour cream if desired. Happy snacking!
**Recipe is loosely adapted from the Thug Kitchen Cookbook. Credit where credit is due!
This week was brutal. Here in vacation destination Boston it’s been in the teens weather-wise, which is enough to crush even the most ardent winter-lover’s soul. I just looked at trusty iPhone for an update—snow expected 3 days this week! I guess spring is cancelled this year.
Also, Daylight Savings was this week. Nothing like being forced to adjust your circadian clock in order to make it to work on time!
I definitely needed some literal and figurative sunshine this week, so let’s dive in!
Lana Del Rey
In honor of Lana’s new song, “Love”, I’ve been revisiting the back catalog. I truly forgot how much I love her music! Despite the fact that she’s really blown up in popularity over the past five years, which is typically the death knell of anything cool, she continues to do whatever the fuck she wants—if anything, her albums get progressively more esoteric and less radio-friendly as the years go by. I’m anticipating the forthcoming album, but in the meantime, I’ve got plenty to keep me busy:
I couldn’t help but give a shout-out to actor and comedian, Baron Vaughn. I originally discovered him through the Netflix series, Grace & Frankie (which stars the legendary Lily Tomlin & Jane Fonda), and have since gone on to devour his back catalog. He’s an absolute genius, and he’s blowing up right now.
He’s appeared on all your favorite podcasts, like 2 Dope Queens and Put Your Hands Together, he’s on 2 Netflix shows right now (the other being Mystery Science Theatre 3000), and his 90’s Disney cartoon theme-songs bit from SXSW nearly put my husband and me into comedy comas. He even replied to me on Twitter once! #braggingrights
Plus, I mean, look at him. He’s fine as hell. Go forth and discover your new favorite comedian!
I know, I know. I said I was going to cool it with fast fashion. And I have! For the most part! But I had a crappy week and I just wanted to treat myself to something adorable, and they were having a 20% off sale on pretty, flouncy dresses! I’m a human woman! After reading The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees (more on that here), I’m leaning hard into “uniforms”, and short dresses are my #1. How cute is that blue dress going to be on Easter?
This one is very local, but all the same it brought me endless joy and vitamins this week. A new juicery opened in the town where I went to college (and hope to go to grad school!) *very Stefon voice* This place has everything—raw juice, smoothies, acai bowls, wheatgrass shots! So nice to have healthy options! I really could have used this place in undergrad, when I was living off of iced coffee and bagels with hummus, but better late than never. I’m hoping that this new addition to the center is an omen that I’ll get accepted into my program!
*A note about the prices: raw juice is not cheap! And once you’ve done it at home and seen the sheer volume of produce required to make a decent amount of it, you see why. Plus, if you’ve ever cleaned out a juicer, it’s like a sticky jigsaw puzzle but less fun. I like to compare juice to wine—when you’re out at a bar, you don’t bat an eye at paying $7-$9 a glass. Think of it like that, an indulgence—similar price, similar calorie situation (I assume), way more health benes.
This Vegan Queso Recipe
To preface this, I take zero credit! This one comes to you from Wilder Wellness, a health coaching group that I joined last month. The recipes that come along with the membership have been incredible, but this one is SO beyond that I keep a jar of it in my fridge at all times.
Vegan Quesoadapted from Wilder Wellness/Wildernessa
1 lb of organic carrots (1 bag of baby carrots, or 2 large carrots chopped)
1 medium sweet potato or an equal amount of chopped butternut squash
1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 cup of coconut milk
1 cup of organic salsa
1/3 cup of nutritional yeast
1 tsp Himalayan pink salt
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp garlic powder
Steam the sweet potato/squash and carrots until fork-tender. Once cooked, combine all ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Thin to desired consistency with more coconut milk. Serve on everything, from tortilla chips to scrambled eggs! I actually used it as a sauce on red lentil penne last night, because I am a goddamned innovator.
I hope these things brighten your week as much as they have mine!
I wanted to call this post The I’ds of March, but a. that is so stupid, and b. then I couldn’t turn it into a series. Unless it was an annual series? Anyway, I called it Kool Things because that title is at once descriptive and a reference to my favorite Sonic Youth song. Win/win.
Kool Things is a (hopefully) weekly series highlighting dope shit that made my week brighter. We’re kind of in the darkest timeline right now, at least in the U.S., so it’s become super important to find joy where you can.
Anyway, here are the things that made my first-week-of-March:
Cristela Alonzo, Lower Classy
Cristela, who you might know from her short-lived ABC sitcom of the same name, is a comedy angel, and her new special freaking delivered. The jokes were all brilliantly written and expertly delivered, plus, I actually cried at the end. I was moved to tears by the story she tells about her mother. Get you a stand-up special that can do both!
Cristela nails the first-generation American experience, eviscerates Latinx stereotypes, and roasts Whole Foods for their bonkers prices with aplomb. Her voice is a shining light in the white dude-dominated comedy scene, and I’m so glad that she has the amazing platform of Netflix to tell her story.
Watch Cristela’s newest special, Lower Classy, on Netflix now! 5/5
One Part Plant: The Cookbook!
I first heard of Jessica Murnane, plant-based guru and cooking genius, on Karsyn DuPree’s Wilder Podcast. I am a self-professed “cooking dork”, so of course I pre-ordered Jessica’s amazing plant-based cookbook. One Part Plant functions as an educational tool as much as it offers recipes: Murnane, who suffers (suffered?) from endometriosis, found an unlikely cure in plant-based eating, and she talks about the disease at length in the book’s intro. And Lena Dunham, who also famously suffers from endo, penned a letter to open the book. Beyond the discussion of endo, the cookbook gives a realistic overview of everything your kitchen needs, from whisks & sieves to tahini & tamari.
Something notable about this cookbook is that is has a full dessert and snack section. I’m not a huge dessert person, but I love that this book is so well-rounded!
Recipe highlights: Creamy Grits with Avocado & Hot Sauce, Roasted Potato, Corn, & Leek Chowder, Grilled Cinnamon & Banana Sandwich (I mean, WHAT?!)
HARP. designs
What’s better than modern, chic gold & brass jewelry? Women. Entrepreneurs. The rad lady of HARP. designs also happens to by my cousin, Shelly, an amazingly talented Bay Area jewelry designer and maker. She’s a talent angel with an incredible aesthetic. Madewell wishes their accessories were made this well. Since today we’re participating in A Day Without A Woman (right? RIGHT?), ditch your shitty ASOS bling and come thru for HARP.
I recently treated myself to these amazing slogan pins, because when they go low…
Eisley, I’m Only Dreaming Tour
My soul-loves, Eisley, just released a new record on February 17th! It’s called I’m Only Dreaming, and it’s the first album released with the band’s new line-up (sans Chauntelle, Weston, & Stacy). I saw them on tour last week at Brighton Music Hall and it was absolutely sensational! It was the first time I’d ever been to a show alone, and I’ve gotta tell you: highly recommend! No one to judge you for scream-singing along to every word!
*songs with Stacy or Chauntelle originally on lead vox!
American Apparel (RIP)
Is this basic? I’m not sure I care. American Apparel has been at the center of tons of legal & ethical drama over the years, but at its core—American-made, unisex-leaning clothes? Fine by me. They’re bankrupt or going out of business or something, and everything on their site is 40% off. EVERYTHING. AA’s price points were always a deterrent to me, so this added discount piqued my interest.
Pro-tips for shoppers: their size charts are accurate. Measure thyself. Don’t rely on what size you *think* you are, because your acid-wash shorts will function like a whale-bone corset.
The lesson here? Always pester stylish girls you see about where they got their high-waisted jeans. You will be rewarded.
And last but certainly not least…
A Day Without A Woman
Today’s the day! Organized by the same group that executed the massively successful post-inauguration Women’s March on Washington, A Day Without A Woman is a campaign seeks to illustrate the impact that women (51% of the population, yo) have on daily life and the economy. Today we wear red, avoid paid or unpaid labor, and withhold our money from businesses not owned and operated by women. Most women can’t just peace out of work on a Wednesday (I’m lucky enough to have today off), but there are so many little ways we can all participate in the Resistance! To cop a slogan from Portlandia, Women and Women First!
I hope to see you all out in the streets rocking red!
Della Bites 