Week Links [3 July]

Get pregnant, they said. It will be magical, they said.

I was lucky enough not to get morning sickness in the first trimester, just fatigue, but last week’s heat wave and humidity had me so sick that I was rueing the day I was born. Things are still touch-and-go, but I’ve started to feel them kick, so that kind of offsets how horribly pregnancy has been treating me recently. I’m officially 21 weeks today, and trying to figure out how I’m supposed to survive the next 15-17 weeks…

I’ve officially picked the babies’ first names, so I may do some sort of “reveal” on here (the closest I got to a “gender reveal” was posting a screenshot of my blood test results on Instagram stories accompanied by a gif of Homer Simpson screaming, so…)

As much as I may have previously been irritated by how myopic pregnant people become, how singularly focused on “the baby,” now that I’ve been there, I can attest that it is real. I think it has to be evolutionary, some sort of biological imperative to keep the fetus healthy by focusing ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION AND MENTAL/PHYSICAL ENERGY ON THE BABY. It’s all I can do to watch TV without also researching baby swing safety ratings. I’ve literally told my therapist that I’m exhausting myself with this, so I certainly don’t blame my friends or family for tuning me out for a while. I’m sure by this time next year, I’ll be begging for Sauvignon Blanc in an IV and a chance to be away from them for 5 minutes. One thing that’s really important to me is to not martyr myself in the process of becoming a mother. I’d like to remain myself, albeit with some small satellites orbiting me.

jean smart is a genius

Ugh, enough about me. It’s been an insane couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Between the Olympics being racist, Britney’s statement on her conservatorship, Bill fucking Cosby going free, and Rand Paul sending out an email with a dog-whistle typo in it, it truly feels like we’re living in the darkest timeline. I’m glad about having a long weekend, but proclaiming “Happy 4th” seems hollow at best, if not entirely tone-deaf. So…just enjoy your long weekend if you’re lucky enough to have one. You deserve to rest.

  1. Jack Black is the funniest person alive.
  2. I’ve been mainlining the show Workin’ Moms on Netflix and I really hope it comes back for a 6th season.
  3. When I finished Workin’ Moms, I devoured Hacks. If Jean Smart doesn’t win the Emmy, the entire institution should be shut down.
  4. I watched Girls 5 Eva in 2 days and I haven’t stopped singing the theme song since. A perfect show.
  5. I replaced my dishes and I’m really happy with the set I got. I bought two of these sets in teal (to make a makeshift service for 8). I paired them with these oversized mugs and these serving bowls.
  6. After much research and no success finding something cheaper that I actually liked, I have purchased the stupidly expensive, aesthetic coffee maker. The other contender was this coffee maker from Drew Barrymore’s line, but the adorable green color was out of stock.
  7. This may be my most “mom” purchase yet. I have to go as hands-free as possible because I’ll have a baby in each arm pretty soon.
  8. Excited to try this cheek and lip tint. I’m almost 30 and still haven’t really figured out how to wear makeup, so this kind of product is the only thing that will get me to wear blush. This one is my current favorite, but I have it in the color “Cherry Cosmos.”
  9. This week on Las Culturistas, Matt and Bowen sang this song, correctly calling it “One of the best songs of all time, one of the most beautiful women of all time, one of the great films.” I can’t even explain how many times I’ve watched this movie.
  10. I’m going to attempt to resist buying these, but these are THE most ’90s sandals ever. Everyone’s mom had sandals just like this. Giving me such Nine West vibes.
  11. Ronan Farrow and Jia Tolentino’s piece on Britney’s conservatorship made me rage-cry. It truly is a nightmare, a form of modern slavery. I hope that how high-profile this case is triggers reform throughout the legal system and proves a huge step forward for the rights of disabled people.

Week Links [4 November]

*I wrote this before the election, so please bear with me. I’m not ready to address it, but I did sob profusely for several hours last night, and I’m pretty sure I went through all of the stages of grief and have come out the other side a bit numb, but otherwise unscathed. We can do this.

Spooky season is over, suckas! Now is my time to shine. I actually love Thanksgiving (because food), but all those browns and earth tones? Just not my aesthetic. In my house, the second Halloween comes to pass (or in this case, the day before…) it’s all Christmas time all the time.

i don’t usually do anything for halloween, but this year since it was on a saturday and i had nothing else going on, i did a bargain-bin version of midge maisel. i even posted an impression on my instagram stories, so i believe i achieved full holiday cringe.

Apart from disassociating due to election stress, I’ve been re-reading Rebecca, drinking lots of water, and filling my entire home with winter-scented reed diffusers. My eyes are permanently dry and itchy from constant doom-scrolling. Not everyone has the privilege/luxury of leaning into self-care, so I’m extremely grateful that I have the flexibility and means to take care of myself right now. I encourage you to find little joyful moments wherever you can, because even if “we win” (as flimsy and hollow as that ultimately is), it’s going to be months or years more of the pandemic and a lifetime more of fighting to repair (or completely overhaul) the systems that brought us here in the first place. Wear a mask, stay home if you can, and please, always punch Nazis.

  1. I would be lying to you if I told you I hadn’t bought this sweatshirt and also this top.
  2. This is my new Christmas tree. I’m blessed with a high ceiling in my living room, so 7ft feels appropriate for my level of enthusiasm. It does not disappoint IRL…it kicks the ass of any tree I’ve ever had. Are you a real tree or a fake tree person? We had a real one maybe once when I was a kid, but I’m a fake tree gal for life. My skinny rose gold tree is no longer in stock, but this one is very similar.
  3. Okay, so the spending freeze has been going pretty well, with the slight exception of Christmas-related items. I figured that technically that’s my household budget, not my personal one, so I got a few little things at Target, one of which was this comforter set. Our current duvet set is blush pink and just doesn’t have the appropriate winter vibe! I feel like this one is just “holiday” enough, but not so obvious that we can’t use it until spring.
  4. This instrumental EP is all vibes.
  5. I love love love Ramy Youssef, so I’m 0% surprised that his special, Feelings on HBO Max, is amazing.
  6. I finally started watching Never Have I Ever on Netflix, and even though I usually don’t have much interest in shows revolving around kids, it’s really pulling at the ol’ heartstrings. I just sobbed to U2’s “Beautiful Day,” actually, so I’m doing great!
  7. On that notes, I’ve been listening to Mindy Kaling’s new short story collection, Nothing Like I Imagined, and it’s so much fun. She’s such a sweet, funny writer, in addition to being a style icon and comedy legend. Every time I try to quit Amazon, they put out something like this. I finally understand drug addiction.
  8. Random, but this is my favorite hot sauce ever. My friend Gilly sent it to me (Recess is one of my favorite coffee shops, so we look forward to her care packages all year). 10/10 perfect flavor. She also sent me this tank, which I wear constantly. It’s made with some miracle fabric that somehow makes me look extremely skinny. Can’t be explained by science.
  9. Anthro’s ornaments section will bankrupt me.
  10. I started watching Nora from Queens on HBO Max, and it’s honestly worth it just to watch Bowen Yang perform “Bubbly.”

Week Links [11 October]

Good morning! Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and my emotional state can confirm! Has anyone else had massive anxiety for about two weeks? RBG’s death followed by literally everyone in the administration getting COVID was the impetus for quite a lot of doom-scrolling. I know I’m not supposed to be happy that *he* got it, and I’m not sure that’s quite the emotion the news inspired, but he has also mismanaged the virus response so egregiously (I consider it tantamount to murder) that over half the amount of Americans that died in WWII have been killed by COVID in less than a year. But remember this time, 4 years ago, when the Access Hollywood tape leaked and we all gleefully thought it had fucked him out of a chance at the presidency? Remember that? If I could bottle that optimism and inject it directly into my veins…

I’ve been listening to a lot of pop music from the early ’00s lately (hello “Pieces of Me” by Ashlee Simpson!), which I’m sure is some sign that I’m emotionally regressing due to stress. After the 2016 election, I drank wine every day and obsessively binged-watched Gilmore Girls, so I’d actually consider this a significant improvement. If the past few years has taught me anything, it’s taught me that we can weather almost any storm and that genuine good can come from tragedy. Can you imagine white people meaningfully discussing police abolition even a couple of years ago? It shouldn’t have taken electing a dangerous fascist/racist/homophobic/misogynist/transphobic/xenophobic administration to get us here, but I can’t see us going back now that we’ve arrived.

All of which is to say that I woke up extremely early this morning and have had a lot of coffee, so I’m cutting myself off from writing anymore about the apocalyptic state of things. Enjoy a martini recipe.

  1. Schitt’s Creek season 6 is on Netflix, on the off-chance that you hadn’t already binged it.
  2. Jester, I have done it again. I’ve always said that the FIRST thing I would do if I ever made real money would be to get laser hair removal from my eyebrows to my toes. Hair removal is a patriarchal scam, blah blah blah, I get it, but as a person with skin so pale it’s translucent and black body hair, removal has eaten away like a third of my life. I have to tweeze my eyebrows and shave my underarms every day. When I did ancestry.com, I’m honestly surprised my results didn’t come back 100% Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal (I’ve…never taken an anthropology course). All of which is to say, though I haven’t hit it big just yet, I have decided to give at-home IPL removal a try. Even if it only delivers 20% of the results it promises, that will still be a huge improvement.
  3. Baking papo secos for the first time today! Portuguese real ones will know.
  4. Would it be psychotic to start using tanning lotion? I’ve heard amazing things about this brand and I think my legs (especially) could really use it.
  5. Mindy Kaling had a surprise baby?! Congratulations to the new mama of two! I’m so excited to read her newest essay collection.
  6. Bowen Yang remains my religion.
  7. Are we all attending Jen Kirkman’s Dysfunctional Christmas Show? I’ve been trying to get to one in LA for years (I have family in LA, jealous???), but the one upside of the pandemic is that I can stream that shit right to my TV!
  8. I’m trying to drink less and ABM publishes this martini recipe? Rude, honestly.
  9. How have I never read this interview with my forever king? I can confirm that at least this Chelsea is a pretty neat person/Birkenstock-wearing kid.
  10. My fourth wedding anniversary is coming up, and while the fourth is pretty irrelevant, the fifth seems pretty significant…needless to say, I’ve been browsing anniversary rings online. I’d like to shop indie/sustainable brands, but it looks like the diamond/white gold combo is très passé, because all the cool companies are doing yellow gold. I did find this delicate cutie on Mejuri, but this is more my speed
  11. And speaking of anniversaries, I just bought our actual anniversary gift. I was going to surprise Michael but I was way too excited!
  12. Finally, I don’t exactly keep my politics close to the vest (see above!), but I feel like it’s so important to reiterate that, despite Biden being very nearly my last choice in the primaries, I am ride or die for Biden-Harris. I’m not optimistic enough to think we’ll have a free and fair election (oh, to be young again!) but it would be shameful to not even try. I vote in person on Election Day because my polling place is awesome and right down the street from me, but not everyone has that luxury. This website breaks down how to register to vote and how to vote in every state. If you’re voting by mail, get that shit in the ballot box yesterday. Make a voting plan, and make sure everyone in your life plans to do the same. Taking ten minutes out of your day could bring us one step closer to defeating the rise of fascism. And it’s not just at the Presidential level–get to know your local candidates and yes, for now, vote blue no matter who.

Week Links [23 August]

So, I knew it was going to happen eventually, but WordPress finally forced their ugly block editor on us, so I may have to move this blog to a new host. Although, when I considered Squarespace a couple of years ago, it seemed equally, if not more daunting. Maybe I’m just dumb…don’t let the Renaissance Literature tattoos fool you. Oh, on that note, I got another tattoo last Saturday! And I’m getting another one this coming Friday! I cannot stress enough—if you’re in MA/RI/CT, please consider getting your tattoos from Ryan at Famous Tattoos. He’s an absolute pro. The shop is immaculate and I’ve never had a better tattoo experience. Things are different because of COVID, but no lie: during my first session in Dec. 2019, his literal mom came by and hung out while I was on the table. ‘Twas truly a family affair.

Anyway, here’s what I got up to this week. At this rate, I’ll be an expert mindful meditator by September.

i got indian food on my birthday (8/19) and witnessed a double rainbow!
  1. My friend told me about Project Evo and their customized planners. I took the test and got “Architect.” I’m thinking about getting one, but I am the worst at keeping up with planners. The amount of trees I’ve killed just trying to stay organized…
  2. I’m finally replacing the horrible “boob light” in my office with this absolute beauty.
  3. I really want this phone case. I know that my colleagues/”customers” couldn’t see it, but I do want to send this energy out into the universe.
  4. I’m officially the dumbest person on earth. I think I was in denial about how long quarantine would last, so I *did* wait until mid-August to order a patio set, umbrella, and outdoor rug so I could work outside. I guess it didn’t occur to me that when you buy a patio umbrella, it doesn’t come with a base. It’s just a free-floating umbrella! Totally unusable. No stores have bases in stock, and they’re estimated to arrive in friggin’ October if you order them online. Also? They cost 9 million dollars. Thankfully, shortly after writing this, my father-in-law came through with an extra one he happened to have!
  5. As of writing I JUST made these, and oh my goodness gracious are they fucking delicious.
  6. Cannot get enough of audiobooks lately. I “read” 10% Happier and Dear Girls this week and they were sublime experiences. The last chapter that Ali’s husband narrates??? Also, hate to be this person, but meditation does work. Sorry.
  7. On the recommendation of my therapist, I’m finally reading The Body Keeps the Score. I’m only 2 chapters in, but it’s incredible. I didn’t know the author had trained in Boston/Cambridge! A hometown hero.
  8. I mentioned planners earlier, and I cannot recommend customized May Books enough. I use the diet/exercise one to track my food (I’m working with a nutritionist, this isn’t an obsessive thing).
  9. Chris Fleming is my single favorite human being on this planet and I can’t get enough of “Sick Jan.” My Twitter bio is literally “Enough turquoise to get into Stevie Nicks’s house no questions asked.” Also, I may or may not have bought 4.4 lbs of boba pearls…
  10. Happy 10th anniversary to Teenage Dream! This was THE album of 2010, and 19-year-old Chels was forever changed by it. Please enjoy my favorite song on the album, a little classic known as “Peacock.”
i got this “thirty-ish” necklace from jen kirkman’s capsule collection @ baublebar years ago. my body is so, so ready to not be in my twenties anymore.

A Very Special Quarantine

I’ve made no secret of my obsession with stand-up comedy. Both of my favorite stand-up podcasts have ended their runs (Put Your Hands Together and 2 Dope Queens), so I’ve been bingeing specials just to feel whole again. And what better time to immerse yourself than during a quarantine? I live in a state that is sort of opening up, and has a decent-ish handle on COVID, but I’m not taking any chances. Imagine if I died to go out to, like, Bertucci’s. Or worse, imagine if I went out, got asymptomic COVID, and infected someone else! The level of selfishness of my fellow man never ceases to amaze. All of which is to say, wear a fucking mask, take what precautions you can, and find things to do at home. Might I suggest…watching these? For your pleasure, a list of the specials I’ve watched since stay-at-home orders went into effect. There will be more.

*these are all on Netflix unless otherwise listed

Amazon.com: Watch Gary Gulman: The Great Depresh | Prime Video
image source

Taylor Tomlinson, Quarter Life Crisis

Fortune Feimster, Sweet & Salty

Pete Davidson, Alive From New York

Alice Wetterlund, My Mama is a Human and So Am I (Amazon)

Michelle Wolf, Joke Show

Gary Gulman, The Great Depresh [x2] (HBO)

Hannah Gadsby, Douglas

Seth Meyers, Lobby Baby

Marc Maron, End Times Fun [x2]

Joe Mande, Joe Mande’s Award-Winning Comedy Show

Jenny Slate, Stage Fright

Trevor Noah, Son of Patricia

Patton Oswalt, I Love Everything

W. Kamau Bell, Private School Negro

Eric Andre, Legalize Everything

Whitmer Thomas, The Golden One (HBO)

Ronny Chieng, Asian Comedy Destroys America!

Simon Amstell, Set Free

Donald Glover, Weirdo

Judah Friedlander, America is the Greatest Country in the United States

Week Links [6.28.20 or so]

Good day, sunshines! This is only…three days late. That’s fine! And I’ve changed the name of this again because I can’t commit to anything! How I didn’t think of this extremely basic pun in the past 5 years is beyond me. And on that note, I’ve been writing this blog for five years. My how time flies when the world is falling apart.

You Need To Be Watching 'The Bold Type' | The Nerd Daily
image source

  1. I started bingeing The Bold Type recently and *very Joan Jett voice* I hate myself for loving it!!
  2. Just discovered this ethical jewelry brand out of Portland. So affordable and stylish! I love these for my 2nd piercing and these are incredible. I’m also just a big ol’ sucker for a hammered hoop! Also, this might sound crazy but I think I’m going to become an anklet person?? I just got this one and I love it.
  3. I almost bought these Pride Pumas because I’m predictable.
  4. Ziwe Fumudoh has been doing the most iconic Instagram lives and watching the reposts is one of my singular sources of joy in this terrible world!
  5. I’ve long wanted to become a headband person, but I have impossible hair and wear glasses, so things about the ears can be a bit tricky. This Madewell scarf/band is a DREAM. It actually stays in place and is so, so cute.
  6. This TED Talk was assigned for my Library Science course, and man do I love me some Adichie.
  7. Ronny Chieng’s special Asian Comedian Destroys America! is incredible start-to-finish.
  8. This brand sells bra bundles that are super affordable, but I’m so skeptical that a comfortable strapless bra can exist! At least not with my difficult boobs.
  9. My faves at Girlfriend just dropped the Summer Orchard line, so I got myself a full Lemon set: Paloma Bra, Skort, and High-Rise Bike Short.
  10. Cynthia Nixon posted this to Instagram and…I didn’t think it was possible to love her more.
  11. Psst…have you read my friend Rachel’s writing? She writes about TV so much more intelligently than I do, it’s a treat.

In case you didn’t know, I have an Instagram account for this blog, @dellabitesblog. I wrote a little something about the five-year anniversary of this blog there. You can also following me personally on all socials @highwaytochel / IG.

Sunday Scaries: Father’s Day, I Guess?

Morning! From the title, it may seem like I’m ambivalent about my father (hardly the case), but I am deeply ambivalent about “Hallmark holidays,” because I am a joyless person. Mother’s/Father’s Day just feels like a marketing scheme for bougie brunch places, my favorite of all the places that I’d prefer not be clogged with toddlers while I’m trying to enjoy my mimosa. See? Joyless! And now I’ve made myself crave a mimosa, though I have neither orange juice nor sparkling wine. Chardonnay and lemonade? Y/N? (I’m writing this on Saturday morning, so it’s not out of the question that I may nip off to the store.)

Speaking of the store, I still haven’t returned to grocery shopping, but I plan to resume in the very near future. I have gone to Target briefly a couple of times. I hate wearing the mask—it gives me so much anxiety and for some reason, I clench my jaw really tightly underneath. Is that a thing? But obviously, as I’m not a MORON WHO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, I rock a mask 100% of the time I’m out in public. Which brings me to my next gripe:

People BE going to restaurants with outdoor seating and not wearing masks! What the actual hell? I have been isolated in my house for 100 days! Do you know how emotionally difficult that is for someone with depression? I’m simultaneously living my best and worst lives, missing my friends and family, for what? So that a few absolute knobs can cause a spike in infections that keeps us home until I’m in my mid-thirties? Absolutely not! I haven’t been able to get my teeth cleaned or my glasses prescription updated, but you can have fried clams overlooking the beach? Please eject yourselves into the sea.

Have I complained sufficiently? Haha, it feels good to be back on this, my public private place to talk to myself.

Screen Shot 2020-06-20 at 12.55.34 PM
source: printsandgiggles on etsy

  1. This piece about self-love by Aisha Mirza is really moving.
  2. Eric Andre’s new special drops Tuesday and I couldn’t be more excited. If you want a teaser, check him out on Good One: A Podcast About Jokes.
  3. This leather goods shop on Etsy is magical. Please give me one of everything, and please do not lecture me about the ethics of leather.
  4. I might actually die without a pair of hammered hoops from The Pink Locket!
  5. I found SPF 110, baby! I didn’t even know they made SPF higher than 100, but I was rewarded for my diligence! The sun can actually try to burn me! I’m using this face sunscreen, this body sunscreen, and this SPF 50 daily moisturizer.
  6. Speaking of my delicate skin, unable as it is to produce melanin, I have given myself over to the gods of Curology. A friend recommended it to me, as my prior attempts at skincare consisted of occasionally using an oil cleanser and forgetting to take my eye makeup off at night. It’s only been three days, so I’m not seeing a visible difference, but my skin feels really soft and I’ve actually started to maintain a nightly skincare ritual, which is a small miracle.
  7. Speaking of custom products designed specifically for me, I also caved and ordered Prose. I heat process my hair twice a week (or so) to varying degrees, I dye it, and my hair is naturally very curly and dry, so I’m giving actually taking care of it a go. I went all in and ordered the oil too, because why not? I truly can’t believe it took until I started going gray for me to actually give a shit about taking care of my hair, but there’s no sense in dwelling on the past.
  8. I have tentatively begun home workouts. I have a legitimate phobia of exercise or movement generally (I legitimately talk about this in therapy, it’s a long story). I have sobbed in gym parking lots, unable to walk in. I successfully completed this video without having a panic attack, so I’m going to see what else Miss Adriene has to offer. I’d really like to check out some body-positive yogis, so plz lemme know whomst to Google. I’m not averse to a paywall!
  9. Gonna have to purchase that one.
  10. Even though it’s 14,000 degrees out, I was in the mood for a really big Cab the other day, so I tried out Bread & Butter‘s. When I drink reds, I tend to like them less bold, like Pinot Noirs, but I began my wine journey as a Cab girl and I’ve gotta honor my roots! Also, we’re chilling our red wines, right? The hill I will die on is that we all drink whites too cold and reds way too warm.
  11. We finally bought *actually good* Bluetooth speakers and it has been a game changer. We got this one for me (super portable!) and this one for our house. In addition to awesome sound quality, they’re such fun pops of color against our mostly black-and-white decor. And big bonus, they have a “party mode,” so you can play music from both of them at the same time. Surround-sound!
  12. I’ve been on something of a health journey lately; without going into too much detail, I’m trying to be more mindful about food and making sure I’m actually nourished. I customized a May Designs notebook to keep track of my meals, water intake, and, yes, exercise. It’s super cute, and I feel like it will be something I keep reordering.
  13. And of course, last but not least, a tribute to all the dads out there.

Quarantine Mega-Post: Updates, Libera Giabuchi, We’re All Gonna Die, etc.

Well, the entire world is on fire, and not for the usual reasons. Things are hideously bleak at present and, apart from sewing some masks and making some donations, there’s literally nothing we can do about it except stay at home and not touch our faces. We’re kind of living in Station Eleven, and yes, that is the justification I will eventually use for performing Shakespearean monologues on Instagram stories.

My family and I are doing really well, and as yet, no one we know has been affected by COVID-19. I’m so fortunate to still be able to work remotely (I love my job and wish I could gush about it but I would like to keep it private so that I can, y’know, keep it). My husband is also able to work from home, which we didn’t initially know would be an option, so we’re really thankful.

I’ve been making an effort to shower and get dressed every day, to preserve a sense of normalcy, even if the shower doesn’t come until 3pm. Everyone keeps posting about snacking all day long, but I’ve actually been having the opposite problem: I keep completely forgetting food exists. We’re not panic-buyers, but our fridge and freezer are STOCKED with healthy stuff (we also have an adequate amount of toilet paper—Trader Joe’s has it!) I’m hoping that my reduced calorie intake counteracts my absolute lack of any physical activity whatsoever. I actually danced last night for over an hour (if you’re a millennial, I highly recommend throwing this song on and going absolutely buckwild). I’m trying to use this time to improve my home (I ROYGBIV’d my bookcase) and myself (I’m crushing DuoLingo French checkpoints like a frat boy crushes p—I’m sorry, this is a family blog). As of yet, I have not done anything fucked up to my hair, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.

this pano looks really odd, but there’s a support pillar in front of my bookcase so, oh well.

Before I get into my usual frivolity, I just want to say that, if you’re like me and you’re still earning an income, do whatever you can to support your community. I made a donation to my local food bank, and I’m looking for other ways to lend a hand during this crisis. One positive outcome of this might be the increasing radicalization of society, proof that nothing ethical can exist under capitalism. Comrades Fran & Britney certainly seem to agree! But in the meantime, schedule Zoom happy hours, get into that book you’ve been meaning to read, organize your bathroom cabinets, take your meds, and remember to eat your fruits and veggies. I think we’re going to be in here for a long, long time.

I love and miss you all. If the worst happens, please play this at my funeral, and make sure David Hyde Pierce is on the keys.

La Musique

Gaga’s “Stupid Love” is the best thing she’s put out since “Applause,” don’t @ me.

RIP to The Gambler. This video made me sob! I’ve listened to “Islands in the Stream” 100,000 times this week because I like to suffer!

Of Montreal, Tame Impala, Best Coast, Mandy Moore, Justin Bieber and probably lots of other people have just put out albums so go listen to them!

I made an Apple Music playlist of the trashiest pop from when I was a kid (late ’90s/early ’00s) and it is giving me life.

This is my most-listened song of quarantine. I guess you could call it optimism. We do not deserve Ariana Grande.

Ariana Grande | Houston Toyota Center
source

Les Filmes

Can’t wait to go absolutely HYPEBEAST for Self Made, starring ACADEMY AWARD WINNER OCTAVIA SPENCER.

I read the book years ago, but I finally watched Room and oh my GOD. Brie Larson WERKED for that Oscar, honey. Also, Jacob Tremblay is a star the likes of which this world rarely sees and I simply have to stan.

I watched both To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You this week because I’m a crazy person!

Autostraddle hath come thru!

La Télé

Stop what you’re doing and watch Feel Good on Netflix. Right this instant! I won’t spoil anything, but…Lisa Kudrow.

I binged the entire series Dollface on Hulu and loved it! It has a similar magical realism element to Jane the Virgin.

Have you watched Living With Yourself on Netflix? I’ll watch literally anything with Aisling Bea. It’s really strange and wonderful!

I watched Taylor Tomlinson, Fortune Feimster, and Pete Davidson‘s comedy specials last week. Yeah yeah yeah, Pete Davidson. It was fine.

Wassup!: Niles Crane has the last laugh
niles crane’s jawline has absolutely cut my gems

I literally can’t stop watching Frasier on Hulu. How can Frasier Crane be so amazing whilst Kelsey Grammer is such a monster? Also, can someone please diagnose what it is in me that is deeply sexually attracted to Niles? Please see the following works of Daniel M. Lavery: “Sophocles’ FRASIER,” “Niles Crane And The 1930s-Era Character Actresses Whose Spirit He Confusingly Embodies,” “Niles Crane Is…” (Actually, y’know what? Just Google “Shatner Chatner Niles”).

I’m like hours away from doing a full Gilmore rewatch, I can feel it.

I’m pretty sure The Nanny is going to be on a major streaming network soon (per Fran’s Twitter) and I’m gagged. Give me all of the nineties fashion!

Les Podcasts

Ding dong, Las Culturistas is back!

Marc Maron’s interview with Ronan Farrow is fascinating. What a brilliant man—a true millennial icon.

My queen and idol, Julie Klausner, put out a new How Was Your Week? AND announced a new podcast with Tom Scharpling, Double Threat. A mitzvah in these dark times!

Should I just cave and become a Punch Up the Jam patron? I’ve easily listened to over 50 episodes at this point. My husband and I both lost it for several minutes yesterday during the bridge of the “Freak on a Leashepisode.

Les Romans

I bought the audiobook of Cameron Esposito’s Save Yourself. Cameron is one of my favorite comedians and I daily mourn the loss of Put Your Hands Together.

I’m trying to read Silas Marner along with my tutoring student and wow, only 18 months out from earning a literal Master’s degree in Literature and my brain has atrophied to Jello. I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to get through some classics in quarantine. I’m thinking Jane EyreAnna Karenina, and Brideshead Revisited, since I already own them.

La Mode

So, Everlane is canceled. They vindictively laid off their newly-formed union of remote workers and uh, wow, fuck you, guys.

If I find out this company SUCKS too, I’ll return them, but I am trying out these pants because it appears that no company (including Everlane) makes dress-pants for what I’m generously calling my hourglass shape. Also, of course they went on sale after I bought them. Will report back on fit for my thicc chicks ❤

Also, I have bought myself another handbag, and I need to stop, but just so you know, I keep them forever and display them when not in use because they are my precious babies. Also, handbags have way better resale value than most stuff online, just sayin’. Here’s another recent purchase that’s a particular fave, and the best computer bag ever.

I found an Etsy shop I love! I got these belly rings (1, 2) and these conch studs (1, 2). Unfortunately, I’m an idiot and forgot that my belly piercing is 14g, so I might try to exchange but these things are seriously gorgeous.

Chez Moi

I’m reorganizing my house, call it early Spring Cleaning, and this shelf is going above my kitchen counter. It’s so cute and perfect for me that I can’t believe I didn’t personally design it.

I’m a huge, huge fan of Method‘s cleaning products, but their Heavy Duty Degreaser is an absolute lifesaver. I am not about to use conventional cleaning chemicals on my stovetop, a surface that a. is exposed to fire and b. is where I prepare our food, so finding this more natural alternative that really works was a gamechanger. I buy mine at Target or Grove.

After years of searching, I finally found the perfect throw pillows.

Chelseas can have a little home improvement, as a treat. Since Governor Baker basically shut down Massachusetts (I’m not complaining!) I have purchased this chair and this rug. Soon my entire house will be monochrome pink and I’m not mad about it.

Le Mélange

If you’re not following nostro repersona di colore dell’esperienza italiana, Giabuchi, you are not truly living in these times. Considering what’s going on with coronavirus worldwide, especially in Italy right now, Jaboukie’s mild Italian shitposting is tremendously healing. Catch him before he gets suspended again for heroism.

Screen Shot 2020-03-28 at 9.55.48 AM

I loved this post about creating a reusable on-the-go car kit. When we’re finally out of quarantine, I really want to make a more concerted effort to be no-waste. Not being able to use reusable bags at the grocery store right now is killing me. P.S. The cutlery set Laura mentions? It comes in pink.

Discovered this shop last night and I’m intrigued to say the least.

And finally, have you checked out Bernie’s merch store? I got car magnets for myself and my husband—Medicare for All for me & Feel the Bern for him.

See you on the other side of this, fam.

The Horrible, the Miserable, and the Difficult: Julie Klausner’s Difficult People and Contemporary Jewish Humor

What can I say? A year has passed, and I’m nostalgic for school. This was my final grad school paper, the first one a professor said I should revise and submit for publication. Validate me, oh tiny audience! Oh, and another one of my papers actually did get published. You can read it here.

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The Horrible, the Miserable, and the Difficult: Julie Klausner’s Difficult People and Contemporary Jewish Humor

I know—a Jew in comedy. How will I ever defy the odds and make it?

—Billy Epstein (“Devil’s Three-Way” 00:04:04-7)

Julie and Billy, two angry native New Yorkers, rush through crowded streets of Manhattan on their way to see a matinee of Annie on Broadway, spitting barbs at clueless tourists along the way. When they arrive, they are horrified to discover that the role of Annie will be played by an understudy. As Julie tells the young girl sitting in front of her, “An understudy is like a fancy word for ‘disappointment’” (“Library Water” 00:03:09). Just prior to this, Difficult People’s lead character, Julie Kessler, makes a crack about beloved president, FDR, also a character in the musical, letting millions of Jews die in the Holocaust (00:00:58). The shocking darkness of this statement, spoken in the doorway of a theatre, sets the tone for the entire series—every moment is suffocated with bitterness, mockery, and cultural references and somehow, it’s hilarious.

Few opening sequences more succinctly encapsulate the essence of a television show like the “Library Water” pilot episode of Difficult People; from the very first moments, the series positions itself as witty, critical, a little cruel, pop-culture obsessed, and very Jewish. Difficult People, created by comedian and writer, Julie Klausner, enjoyed a brief run of twenty-eight episodes on the streaming platform, Hulu, from 2015 to 2017. For stars Klausner and Billy Eichner, the series was the culmination of over a decade of striving for success in show business, something that the series’ main characters, Julie Kessler and Billy Epstein, do to diminishing returns. Their efforts to become famous, doomed at every turn, mirror a century of their Jewish predecessors’ striving to achieve stardom and assimilate themselves into mainstream culture through performance—from Jakie Rabinowitz becoming Jack Robin to Robert Zimmerman adopting the stage name Bob Dylan, Jews have used the entertainment industry as a conduit for their talent and stories to shine. And shine they have—particularly in the comedy and broadcast television arenas. But that rise to stardom has often come with a price tag—forsaking meaningful media representations of Jewish culture in order to appeal more broadly to mass audiences.

In the current political landscape, one eerily similar to the one depicted in anti-Semitic, turn-of-the-century satirical cartoons, one of the most resounding conservative, Fox News-esque dog whistles is that Jews control the media (would that it were so). Setting aside the founding of Hollywood and the creation of all the cool superheroes, the idea that Jews possess total control of popular culture and are subliminally encouraging goyim to, one supposes, forsake their beloved Savior, is patently absurd, at least to any person whose ability to think critically outweighs his bigotry. Jewish humor texts handle this pre-/mis-conception playfully, at once acknowledging the disproportionate presence of Jews in media—as Wisse writes, “Estimates of the proportion of Jewish professionals in U.S. comedy sometimes [run] as high as 80 percent” (No Joke 12)—and the lingering presence of anti-Semitism in the industry and beyond. The epigraph to this essay is a line spoken by character Billy at an audition for a movie role, and it’s one of the many ways that Difficult People and other Jewish-created series grapple with the imbalance in the industry and the troubling inability of many television shows to “get it right” when depicting Jews and the Jewish experience.

David Zurawik’s book, The Jews of Prime Time, provides an overview and exploration of prime time Jewish television series beginning in 1949 and extending to the early 2000s. The central question of the text is whether television portrayals of Jews can ever accurately reflect the Jewish experience. Zurawik interrogates the preponderance of Jewish producers and writers deeming certain piece of Jewish media “too Jewish” for television, a phenomenon he refers to as “surplus visibility,” or the disdain of minority groups to be exposed via media representation (6). Difficult People responds to this problematic trend in television by exalting all things Jewish (even as it mocks them). Nothing is “too Jewish” for Difficult People, unless Julie and Billy themselves deem it so (Rucchel’s frequent visits to Israel or wearing yarmulkes outside of shul, for instance). Julie and Billy are proudly Jewish, if keenly aware of Judaism’s flaws. Difficult People can exist because visibly, unabashedly Jewish predecessors like Barbra Streisand and Lenny Bruce had long before challenged the whitewashing in show business.

Sarah Blacher Cohen attributes the revival of Jewish ethnic pride in the entertainment industry in the 1950s and ‘60s with the foundation of the state of Israel and “a profound grief for the loss of their fellow Jews in the Holocaust” (8). Difficult People as discussed, certainly takes up this mantle. At one point in the series, Julie exclaims, “Nobody’s more Jewish than I am, Arthur! I mean, culturally” (“Unplugged” 00:05:32-5). The quotation, meant to be about her entrée into the Jewish media elite, could also stand as a second tagline to the series (the tagline of Difficult People is “All the Rage,” a double-entendre about the show’s cultural savviness, relevance, and the main characters’ anger at and disenchantment with the state of things). Central to Difficult People is the idea that Julie and Billy are not just difficult—they are different from everyone else. Their biting wit and cultural heritage set them apart from the world outside of show business, a world they see, rightfully so, as one where Jews can excel and be recognized for their trademark dark humor. For Julie and Billy, humor heals, even as they experience the consequences of their often cruel, targeted jokes (they get kicked off of the set of Watch What Happens Live for their tweets mocking host Andy Cohen and guest Chelsea Handler, two fellow Jews in media, in the episode “Pledge Week”).

Comedian Lenny Bruce, one of the most famous figures in discussions of Jewish stand-up comedy, had a particular obsession with differentiating between Jews and gentiles—his famous “Jewish or goyish?” monologue would be recreated in the 2017 Amazon series The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. The in-joke is that everything hip and “with it” is Jewish, even if it truly isn’t (jazz musicians Count Basie and Ray Charles, for instance). To be designated “Jewish” is to be of intellectual and cultural merit; to be deemed “goyish” is a slight (he refers to trailer parks as “so goyish Jews won’t go near them” [Hoberman 222]). The superiority of Jewish intellect has its roots in media as far back as the days of radio serials and remains a hallmark of contemporary Jewish comedy. Woody Allen would play this concept for a laugh in Annie Hall (Annie, a Wisconsin-born WASP who fails to match Coney Island’s own Alvy Singer intellectually, actually progresses in analysis, where Alvy’s neuroses keep him paying a psychiatrist for fifteen years); Difficult People paints Jewish intellect as an invaluable virtue. For instance, when Billy finally lands an agent, one who isn’t Jewish, his friends and show business contacts see this as a massive indictment (“The Courage of a Soldier”).

Billy and Julie’s preoccupation with success in show business, and that preoccupation’s connection to their cultural Judaism, gives Difficult People its life. In season one’s Yom Kippur episode of Difficult People, “The Courage of a Soldier,” Billy interrupts a tense family meal by shouting,

I just don’t understand when everything got so…Jewish! It’s fine, it’s just not who we were as kids. I mean, we didn’t even fast when we were kids. (00:10:00-07)

When his brother Garry reminds him that Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year, Billy replies:

You know what the holiest day of the year is for me? The Golden Globes. I don’t care about the blessings. I care about the SAG Awards, and no one cares about those. Show business, Garry. That’s what I care about. (00:10:13-29)

His niece Tal, deadpan, replies, “That’s the most Jewish thing I’ve ever heard” (00:10:30). This outburst, and Tal’s earnest comment, exposes what, for Billy at least, is an unbreakable link between cultural Judaism and the entertainment industry.

Having situated Difficult People in a long lineage of Jewish contributions to show business and humor, this exploration merits a discussion of what exactly Jewish comedy is and how it appears in contemporary entertainment. Jeremy Dauber’s book, Jewish Comedy: A Serious History, takes on the task of defining Jewish humor, something critics have long struggled to exactly capture. His two primary criteria are that “Jewish humor has to be produced by Jews” (xii, emphasis in original) and that it “must have something to do with either contemporary Jewish living or historical Jewish existence” (xiii, emphasis in original). Difficult People certainly meets these two conditions, but it also contends with almost all of the “seven major conceptual rubrics” (xiv) that Dauber provides as a means of evaluating Jewish humor, from the Talmud and the Torah to Rickles and Reiner. For the purposes of this discussion, four of Dauber’s rubrics will be particularly relevant, namely that “Jewish comedy is a response to persecution and anti-Semitism,” it is “a satirical gaze at Jewish social and communal norms,” it is “bookish, witty, intellectual allusive play,” and it is “vulgar, raunchy, and body-obsessed” (xiv, emphasis in original). These threads, as well as representations of Jewish stereotypes (the schlemiel, schlimazel, and the overbearing mother) and the Jewish penchant for self-deprecating humor and liberal politics run throughout Difficult People like connective tissue. Difficult People not only gleefully participates in these tropes—its inclusivity of those that are other, even amid vitriolic streams of insults, makes a larger point. Sure, Jewish comedy must indeed be witty, dark, controversial, vulgar, and a whole slew of other adjectives that have long been used to describe it. But it must also serve the higher purpose of lovingly (or, tough-lovingly) elevating both Jewish culture and that of other marginalized communities.

“Medium-talent, Jewish bitch!” Freudian self-deprecation and switcheroo anti-Semitism

In season two opener, “Unplugged” (which guest stars the iconic Sandra Bernhard and culminates in Julie being blackballed from working in television by the Jewish media elite), Arthur walks in on Julie fixing her hair in the mirror. “Medium-talent, Jewish bitch!” she yells at her reflection. Arthur Tack, her WASP boyfriend, replies, “Stop yelling at yourself in the mirror, it confuses the dogs” (00:04:21-25). Julie clarifies that she was not talking to herself (rather, she is jealous of the success of a peer) but Arthur’s confusion makes sense; throughout the series, Julie (and her mother, Marilyn—more on that later) takes cheap shots at herself—her body (“Ever since I gained my Freshman 1,500” [“Passover Bump” 00:00:47-9]), her floundering career (“I’m tired of watching everyone around me ascend to stardom as I atrophy and wither” [“Unplugged” 00:04:44]), and her codependent relationship with her mother (she joins AA to learn coping skills for her “addiction” to her mother in “Code Change”). For Julie, there is no greater target than Julie, which widens the already vast chasm between her self-loathing and her over-inflated self-confidence in her performance ability. Self-deprecating humor, often ironic, as it springs from the mouths of successful performers, is part and parcel of Jewish humor at large. As Sarah Blacher Cohen recalls, Freud claims, “self-mockery was the most distinguishing feature of Jewish humor” (4). Several instances of self-loathing in the series are so extreme as to appear anti-Semitic—another issue with which Difficult People must contend.

Apart from the Nazi paraphernalia uncovered at the end of “Unplugged,” the season two episode “Italian Piñata” has the most explicit moments of anti-Semitism and Jewish self-loathing. Julie and Billy venture to New Jersey to escape the throngs of newly out young people on Coming Out Day, celebrated annually on the anniversary of the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. While at the bar, they are mistaken by fellow patrons for Italians, an ethnic group commonly associated with the area. Billy goes along with it to get a date with a hot guy; Julie goes along with it because the Italian girls appreciate her vulgar sense of humor and connect with her in a way other women never had. When her New Jersey Italian friends ask the newly-dubbed “Giuliana” to exercise her trademark wit and tell them a funny story, she responds, “Uh, I could tell you a funny story about my food and weight issues” (00:15:15). When they stare back at her with disgusted bewilderment (the implication being that Italians have far healthier relationships to food), she replies, “I mean, um, where’s my fuckin’ head? My Jewish neighbor’s food and weight issues” (00:15:21-24). The women all begin to laugh hysterically at her (masked) insecurities, one shouting out, “Those fuckin’ Jews!” (00:15:30). Julie pauses briefly to consider the anti-Semitic outburst, but continues with her story. The women eat it up—one demands, “Tell us more stories about your dumb Jewish neighbor!” (00:15:48). Although this moment, on its face, is deeply offensive (and unfortunately, from the experience of this writer, eerily authentic), it bears noting that the three actors playing the Italian women are Jewish themselves—the scene is an identity-swapping farce straight out of Shakespeare. Difficult People tackles the borderline anti-Semitic self-deprecation in Jewish comedy head-on, calling attention to the absurdity of the trope by putting the insults and epithets in the mouths of Jews-playing-Italians. Without context, the statements are shocking, but given the context of the actors’ Jewish heritage, the scene winks at the audience as if to say, “We can get away with saying this, but you can’t.”

High shul dropouts: secular Judaism, difficult Israel, troublemaking dybbuks

Difficult People indeed “gets away with” a lot of racy and inappropriate material. Though Difficult People aligns itself as a Jewish text in its opening sequence, it is not long before the main characters complicate the show’s identity. Shortly into the first episode, “Library Water,” Billy and Julie have the following exchange:

BILLY. What’s more of a turn-off—veganism or Judaica?

JULIE. Oh, I don’t know. Judaica.

BILLY. Yes! Yes. If I was going out with a guy and there was a big clay mezuzah hanging outside his place, I’d be like, “Is a circumcised experience worth it?”

JULIE. Is that anti-Semitic of us or is that not possible because we’re Jewish?

BILLY. Oh, it’s possible. (00:07:36-56)

The series, which so loudly and proudly proclaims itself as Jewish, has the liberty of making critical (or, as they put it in the above scene, “anti-Semitic”) jabs at the aspects of Judaism and Jewish culture that they find problematic or inconsistent with 21st century values. Though neither Billy nor Julie identifies as atheist (the season 1 episode “Premium Membership” makes this very clear), neither attends synagogue or observes Jewish holidays out of anything other than a sense of obligation and guilt. Only a few scenes in the series take place inside a synagogue, one of which opens with the line, “I swear to God, if I go to synagogue and I don’t make a show business connection, I’m gonna fucking kill myself with a chain saw” (“Unplugged” 00:07:33-37). Billy and Julie credit their dark senses of humor and intellect, which are essential components of who they are, to their Jewish background while poking fun at the religion’s fetish for suffering. The following exchange, which, ironically, takes place inside a Christian church, sums up the show’s overall “take” on religion:

BILLY. Wait, what’s the opposite of endorphins?

JULIE. Judaism. (“Code Change” 00:00:17-20)

Rucchel Epstein, the show’s most observant Jew and Billy’s sister-in-law, is hardly a poster-girl for the religious: When a Christian couple moves into her very Jewish neighborhood, she yells from her porch, “Hey, you Christmas celebrators! Stop creepy crawling and get out of our neighborhood!” (“Code Change” 00:05:51-6) When Billy apologizes to the neighbors and asserts, “Jews, we’re the same as you!” Rucchel fires back, “No. We’ve suffered a lot more” (00:05:59-00:06:03). It’s not only Rucchel that feels compelled to belabor the historical suffering of the Jewish people. During the scene that introduces Marilyn Kessler, Julie’s mother, Marilyn pesters Julie, “Did you get that article I sent you about Palestine? Because I’m about to resend it” (“Library Water” 00:07:25). In season two, Marilyn creates a video will (with the help of Tina Fey), to ensure that none of her money or belongings accidentally get donated to a pro-Palestinian charity (“Unplugged”). Difficult People, a half-hour Hulu comedy, hardly has the resources to tackle the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but the show acknowledges multiple times that this complex issue affects and is part of daily Jewish-American life. Though the show’s engagement with the touchy subject of Israel is tongue-in-cheek—“[My brother’s] wife went to Israel [for Christmas] because of course she did” (“Difficult Christmas” 00:00:40-1)—the show fulfills its responsibility to, to paraphrase Dauber, reflect contemporary and historical Jewish life (xiii).

Perhaps the most absurdist portrayal of the Jewish difference is the episode “Code Change” in which Billy’s brother Garry, played by Fred Armisen, volunteers for the Israeli army (which summarily rejects him before he makes it past the Tel Aviv airport) and then hides in his own basement for a month to avoid the shame of failure. Rucchel, Garry’s wife, disturbed by the noises she hears coming from the basement, initially suspects her new gentile neighbors of anti-Semitic harassment before determining that there is a dybbuk in her home. Because her husband is “in Israel,” Rucchel enlists Billy to help with her problem insisting that he “back me up while I scream at those goyim until they go back to Marblehead. They could have guns! Or Polo mallets” (00:05:37-44). Rucchel’s suspicion regarding her new neighbors, “the first gentiles ever to live on Feldshuh Lane” (00:05:25) is silly, but the fact that “Code Change” was written and filmed following the election of Donald Trump, a time that saw a dramatic increase in hate crimes against Jews perpetrated by members of the president-elect’s racist, anti-Semitic base of supporters, to some degree justifies Rucchel’s concern. In this way, Difficult People calls attention to the crisis of anti-Semitic hate crimes, a serious and, in the wake of the shooting at a Pittsburgh synagogue in October 2018, deadly problem facing American Jews without sacrificing the show’s comedic spirit. In order to get Rucchel to stop screaming at the goyim, Billy inspects the basement, discovers Garry, and, in a gesture to protect his brother’s pride, convinces Rucchel that she has a Yiddish demon living downstairs. Billy and Rucchel plan an exorcism for the day Garry is set to return from Israel—unfortunately, the “creepy-crawling” gentiles choose this moment to meet their new neighbors, as Rucchel is shouting in Yiddish in a circle of Jewish men they’d conned into helping with the exorcism by catfishing them on the Jewish dating app “J-Swipe” (00:20:05). Billy repeats his “Jews, we’re the same as you” sentiment, but the scene heavily implies that Jews, in fact, are not the same as gentiles, and that the two groups’ experiences are incomparable. Obviously, the episode mocks Rucchel for her superstitions, but it participates in the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” trope found in the resolutions of many Jewish comedies, like forbear Curb Your Enthusiasm.

“Schlemiel, schlimazel”: Good Garry, Bad Larrys

The defeatist portrayal of Jewish characters on television is hardly a new phenomenon, but has shifted significantly over the last several decades. As Hoberman wittily indicates in Entertaining America, during the 1960s film boom, “roughly between…Barbra Streisand’s appearances in Funny Girl and The Way We Were” (220), representations of Jews on film skyrocketed, and with them, depictions of the schlemiel character, the anti-hero and everyman to whom everyone could relate (223). Hoberman continues, “If the schlemiel was a new American everyman, so the Jewish condition was understood to be universal” (223). The schlemiel archetype has roots far beyond the explosion of Jewish representation in 1960s film; as Ruth Wisse writes about the historical schlemiel character, “the fool may be the only morally sane man” (“The Schlemiel” 4), and that notion certainly comes to bear with Difficult People’s recurring character Garry, Billy’s brother, who exemplifies the archetype. Wisse continues,

Vulnerable, ineffectual in his efforts at self-advancement and self-preservation, [the fool] emerged as the archetypal Jew, especially in his capacity of potential victim. Since Jewry’s attitudes toward its own frailty were complex and contradictory, the schlemiel was sometimes berated for his foolish weakness, and elsewhere exalted for his hard inner strength. (5)

Garry is thoroughly cowed by his domineering wife—when he attempts to stand up to her verbal abuse, at Billy’s suggestion, Rucchel throws him out of the house (“Blade Stallion”). He comes to live with Billy and proves himself to be shockingly inept at the bachelor lifestyle. Other characters play this sexual ineptitude for a joke; talking to Garry’s wife Rucchel, Billy says:

BILLY. Oh, please, Rucchel. My parents hated you. You know that. They were just happy that Garry could lose his virginity.

RUCCHEL. Exactly. I took one for the team. (“Code Change” 00:09:21-8)

Garry’s manhood is a punching bag throughout the series, but never once does the series question his inherent goodness. Garry is a hardworking business owner who provides for his family and can always be relied upon to help family and friends. When Billy finds him in his own basement after his rejection from the Israeli army, he remarks, “You’re living down here? This is like Room if that abuser had kept kosher! (“Code Change” 00:10:58-00:11:01) Garry, if somewhat stupidly, sacrifices his own comfort in order to make his wife and children proud.

GARRY. I’m scheduled to come home soon, so if I could pull it off I have, you know, one of those really great, like, heroes’ welcomes. You ever see those YouTube videos of soldiers coming home and those dogs don’t even consider biting them? I want that with Rucchel. (“Code Change” 00:11:17-25)

His desire for a “heroes’ welcome” home from Israel does, to some degree, stem from his fear of his (admittedly terrifying) wife, but also from a place of love. His moral strength, it seems, comes from his weakness in more practical, quotidian matters.

While Garry exemplifies the schlemiel stereotype, Billy and Julie more squarely fall into the schlimazel category. Billy and Julie’s mishegas is reminiscent of that of Curb Your Enthusiasm’s iconic (fictionalized) Larry David—every effort, well- or ill-intentioned, ends in failure and cringe-worthy awkwardness. As Dauber writes,

The distinction between the schlemiel and the schlimazel has lent itself to all sorts of characterization…There’s not so much to say about the schlimazel, except to note that as the kind of avatar for Jewish misfortune, his troubles are always writ small…The schlimazel’s only option, his only power, is the right to complain. (214)

Despite their constant kvetching, Julie and Billy (like the rich and famous Larry David of Curb) exist in a space of immense privilege. They are both Manhattanites in show business, either, like Julie, unemployed and supported by her mother and boyfriend or, like Billy, underemployed as a waiter and barely able to perform in his menial role. Though they live in relative ease, their every move complicates their lives further. In “The Courage of a Soldier,” Billy and Julie sing the Curb theme song as the episode ends, both an acknowledgment of yet another failed show business endeavor and a nod to the structural similarities between Difficult People and Curb. As Julie laments during “Difficult Christmas,” “Why can’t things be easier for us, you know? Why do we have to be miserable all the time?” (00:01:10-4) This moment recalls the salient and oft repeated quotation from Woody Allen’s Annie Hall:

I feel that life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two categories. You know, the horrible would be like, um, I don’t know, terminal cases…and the miserable is everyone else. So when you go through life, you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because you’re very lucky to be miserable. (00:36:47-00:37:08)

Perhaps if Alvy Singer had met Billy and Julie, he’d feel compelled to add a third category to his taxonomy of humanity: the difficult (Julie and Billy, of course, would hate this—the show mocks Woody Allen constantly). The difficult are the schlimazels, those who are miserable as a result of their own actions, rather than simply the hands of fate. The difficult are the centers of their own universes, around which everyone else must orbit.

A Show About Me: Marilyn, Rucchel, and the difficult issue of Jewish motherhood

In the opening sequence of the season 3 episode, “Code Change,” Julie explains, “The problem is, if my mom calls me when phone is dead, she gets mad she can’t reach me and it activates the guilt sequence” (00:00:07-14). As Martha A. Ravits writes in her article, “The Jewish Mother: Comedy and Controversy in American Popular Culture,” the Jewish mother has long been portrayed in media as “a nagging guardian of ethnic identity and the embodiment of its worst traits” (3). Ravits’s article traces the roots of the overbearing Jewish mother stereotype back to its roots in misogynist male writing during second-wave feminism in the United States, and feminism’s ongoing failure to adequately combat it. As Ravits writes,

Whether the Jewish mother is represented as protecting her children or demanding their loyalty, she is seen as exceeding prescribed boundaries, as being excessive. Her claims to affection, her voicing of opinions, her expressions of maternal worry are perceived as threatening in part because she acts as a free agent, not as a subordinate female according to mainstream cultural ideals. Even when she is represented as self-effacing, cast as the martyr, she is interpreted as being manipulative or passive-aggressive, secretly striving to impose her will on others. (4)

This passage merits quotation at length because it illuminates the central tension present in Jewish maternal representation—its threat to masculinity and social norms. The Jewish mother stereotype allows male writers to deflect their own misogyny and troubled relationships with their Jewish-American identities (Ravits 6), but in doing so, these writers reveal their own fear of women’s power. The Jewish mother is too powerful—therefore she must be ridiculed and contained.

Marilyn Kessler’s presence in Difficult People at once affirms and disrupts the Jewish mother stereotype. Marilyn has all the hallmarks of the stereotype—an obsession with weight (especially Julie’s), suspicion and contempt for Julie’s gentile boyfriend, and the beleaguered martyr complex one expects of an archetype so embedded in contemporary popular culture. But Marilyn is (ironically) a celebrated, successful, independently wealthy therapist. She has the delusional self-importance of a cast member of the Real Housewives franchise (in the episode “Carter,” she does become Countess Luann’s television therapist, but proves too good at her job to remain on the conflict-driven program). Marilyn maintains tyrannical control over her household (the series references but never introduces Mr. Kessler). While she does hold an unhealthy amount of sway over Julie’s emotions, leading Julie to seek treatment to cope with this (“Code Change”), her love for her daughter is obvious, if filtered through Marilyn’s unchecked narcissism. In the season one episode, “Premium Membership,” she stages a musical celebrating her own accomplishments with her patients under the guise that it is “art therapy,” which she titles, “Me! A Show About Me.” Marilyn may, on the surface, be the stereotypical, overbearing Jewish mother, but her constant successes belie such stringent categorization. Whether she is surge-pricing her therapy patients during the holidays (“Difficult Christmas”) or being offered a book deal (“Rabbitversary”), Marilyn’s indefatigable self-confidence, delusional or otherwise, reads feminist.

Rucchel Epstein, though she exists in vastly different circumstances as Marilyn (she lives in a modest home in a Jewish neighborhood in Queens with her schlemiel of a husband, Garry, and their two daughters, Renée and Tal), is most certainly overbearing as Jewish mother archetypes are wont to be, but she takes the persona to a comic extreme. Rucchel says whatever she wants, whenever she wants (her speech is riddled with insults and profanity) and is undoubtedly the leader of her own home. She transforms her home into a deeply observant Jewish one, to an absurd degree (she is, indeed, a “nagging guardian of ethnic identity”). For instance, while Rucchel exorcises a dybbuk from her home (“Code Change”), Marilyn skips fasting during Yom Kippur because it is “uncomfortable” (“The Courage of a Soldier”). While Marilyn gleefully anticipates Christmas or “suicide season,” a boon for her therapy practice (“Difficult Christmas”), Rucchel takes continuing education Yiddish poetry classes (“Blade Stallion”). She is the constant butt of jokes about being “too Jewish” and out of touch with contemporary social norms, something frequently attributed to the Jewish mother stereotype (Ravits 6). Rucchel’s presence in the series both engages with the stereotype at its most negative and proves exactly what Ravits attempts to in her article: Jewish women are powerful.

LGBT Jew: Difficult Representation

If women’s issues are at the forefront of the consciousness of the Difficult People writing staff, so are issues of LGBTQ rights and identity. The season two episode of Difficult People, “Italian Piñata,” begins:

JULIE. Ah, Stonewall. Judy Garland died. The cops raided the place. Gays, trans people, and drag queens were in no mood to be fucked with and began to riot.

BILLY. And thanks to their sacrifice I am now free to be out, proud, and know at any given moment where the power bottoms are within a five-mile radius. (00:00:00-17)

Though this exchange happens well into a series that proclaims itself as LGBTQ-friendly (if not unfriendly to straight, white cis-people), it perfectly captures Difficult People’s overall attitude toward LGBTQ history. First, Julie sets the joke up by proudly recalling the legendary 1969 incident at Stonewall, a landmark moment for the queer community, and Billy provides the punch line, that queer activists endured violence and riots to secure Billy’s rights, which he now uses to have anonymous sex via Grindr. In moments like this one, throughout the series, Difficult People uses its platform (streaming service in the U.S., its territories, and Japan) to both elevate LGBTQ folks (half the cast is queer) and call out the ways in which even avowed queer allies fail.

Difficult People ascribes to no illusions, nor does it place any minority figure on a pedestal. On Difficult People, queer people are people, just like anyone else, and as such, are deeply flawed (Lola, the trans waitress who works with Billy, played by Jewish, trans actor Shakina Nayfack, is a 9/11 truther, for instance). Characters often accuse Billy himself, an out gay man, of homophobia:

JULIE. Oh, that’s right, ‘cause you hate other gay guys.

BILLY. No I do not hate other gay people—yes, I do. I get very homophobic when I go to my gym. (“Library Water” 00:07:54-00:08:01)

As discussed in the season two episode, “Italian Piñata,” much of Billy’s frustration surrounding gay culture is his own lack of ability to strictly meet a gay “type.” Billy’s “otherness” in his own community mirrors the “otherness” Jewish characters feel throughout the series, like Rucchel’s exorcism in “Code Change,” or Julie’s neighbor’s WiFi network named “Hitler Had Some Good Ideas” in “Unplugged.” Queer characters on Difficult People also often engage in oppression one-upmanship. When Billy complains about Coming Out Day customers at work, Lola shouts, “Check your privilege, faggot. And I can say that, because I was one (“Italian Piñata” 00:01:49-53). Later in the series, Lola shouts, “I swear, if I have to hear one more cis person complain about their life I’m gonna kill myself” (“Passover Bump” 00:02:29-30). Difficult People’s queer characters are often the mouthpieces for the series’ most offensive lines—Billy quips, “I’m sorry NAMBLA doesn’t have a ‘Ones to Watch’ section in their monthly newsletter that you could use as a press clipping” (“Library Water” 00:12:56-00:13:01) at his flamboyant coworker Matthew—just as its Jewish characters often have the sternest words against Jewish culture. Difficult People is not precious about its representations of queer characters as shows like Modern Family can be—Difficult People exposes the worst attributes of humankind, which, ironically, unify it.

The Punchline

Difficult People, though short-lived, though hidden behind the Hulu paywall, though limited to the United States, is a vital text to anyone studying contemporary Jewish comedy. It is a post-postmodern text—Difficult People replaces the shrugging shoulders of Woody Allen and Larry David with characters whose earnestness and desire to succeed cannot be beaten down by their successive failures. Series like The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel tackle Jewish comedy even more directly, but Maisel is set in the past, a fantasy of what greater female inclusivity in the industry may have looked like—Difficult People exists in the present (much of it was written and filmed during and after the 2016 election cycle) and therefore must contend with issues as they stand today and the real and present dangers facing American Jews, women, and the LGBTQ community. Difficult People is a Seinfeld of the Twitter age—its schlimazel leads must tackle the fallout from their own shandes with a healthy dose of online harassment. Though one can hardly call the cast racially diverse (aside from standout performances by Gabourey Sidibe and Derrick Baskin, Difficult People exists in the same whitewashed New York as Lena Dunham’s Girls) Difficult People widens the scope of criticism and exploration beyond just Jewish issues in society—its approach is intersectional. As Chametzky writes:

Jewish jokes and humorous stories flourish when traditions are changing or being undermined, when life is precarious…or when the spectacle of human folly or vanity unfolds daily to the perceptive observer. (311)

Difficult People, its humor, and its play at the expense of and in the defense of marginalized communities stands out for exactly this reason; in contemporary America, long-held traditions are changing and bigoted assumptions and attitudes are being held in contempt. Billy and Julie exemplify “human folly and vanity,” and it is the series’ honest portrayal of these negative attributes that makes it so relatable (and so funny). Difficult People exists at a cultural moment of much upheaval and turmoil; as the saying goes, art imitates life.

 

Works Cited

Allen, Woody, director. Annie Hall. United Artists, 1977.

“Blade Stallion.” Difficult People, season 2, episode 5, 26 July 2016. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/cbf58254-8aae-418c-bfb2-10811f8a29a4.

“Code Change.” Difficult People, season 3, episode 4, 8 August 2017. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/0a83d6c8-e4be-45be-97e0-4c2f166ef4fc.

Cohen, Sarah Blacher, editor. Jewish Wry: Essays on Jewish Humor. Wayne State UP, 1987.

“The Courage of a Soldier.” Difficult People, season 1, episode 4, 19 August 2015. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/51df0c1d-1001-4bdc-a69a-dca3c60bc072.

Dauber, Jeremy Asher. Jewish Comedy: A Serious History. Norton, 2017.

David, Larry, creator. Curb Your Enthusiasm. HBO Entertainment, 2011.

“Difficult Christmas.” Difficult People, season 1, episode 8, 16 Sept. 2015. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/a92d1475-7aed-4ae1-8c61-7c2ad2e725b4.

Hoberman, J. and Jeffrey Shandler, et al. Entertaining America: Jews, Movies, and Broadcasting. Princeton UP, 2003.

“Italian Pinata.” Difficult People, season 2, episode 3, 19 July 2016. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/adda2da0-b5dc-4a8b-9e24-070535e2c4d1.

“Jewish Humor.” Norton Anthology of Jewish American Literature. Edited by Jules Chametsky, Norton, 2001.

“Library Water.” Difficult People, season 1, episode 1, 5 August 2015. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/7bb2016a-f651-4f43-be0e-b46e09212036.

“Passover Bump.” Difficult People, season 3, episode 1, 8 August 2017. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/ed8af0a0-e293-4727-94b7-cd66e6efa2b2.

“Pledge Week.” Difficult People, season 1, episode 3, 12 August 2015. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/3d25ea2c-07f7-4522-b5fa-9c912a60e3c7.

“Premium Membership.” Difficult People, season 1, episode 7, 9 Sept 2015. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/96094e1a-8324-498e-8299-e6c6c739446a.

Ravits, Martha A. “The Jewish Mother: Comedy and Controversy in American Popular Culture.” MELUS, vol. 25, no. 1, Spring 2000, pp. 3-31. Accessed Nov. 21, 2018.

“Unplugged.” Difficult People, season 2, episode 1, 12 July 2016. Hulu, https://www.hulu.com/watch/d8e3a8bd-b0d8-4850-9dbc-da042dc76fc5.

Wisse, Ruth R. No Joke: Making Jewish Humor. Princeton UP, 2013.

Wisse, Ruth R. The Schlemiel as Modern Hero. Chicago UP, 1971.

Zurawik, David. The Jews of Prime Time. Brandeis, UP, 2003.

Shout Out Sunday 9.15.19

Good morning! Going to be a short and (sort of) repetitive one, since I’m rushing out the door to tutor. P.S. Yeah, I’m an English tutor! If you’re local to the Boston/Providence area email me at chelsea.e.harper@gmail.com to set up a sliding-scale lesson! Beyond that, here’s my week in review!

Image result for jen kirkman
source: netflix. watch just keep livin’? and i’m gonna die alone and i feel fine!

  1. Saw Jen Kirkman (again) on Friday night and she was amazing, per usual. Catch her on tour!
  2. I went to a polo match yesterday and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. You’d think polo would be really hard to follow but it’s actually really accessible and interesting! We got to even go behind the scenes and meet the horses since my friend Annie is an amazing horse girl and has mad connections. Going to Newport Polo was so laid-back…next time we’ll definitely have to tailgate! I’m actually thinking about maybe taking a riding lesson at Fairfield Farm…can you believe I used to be afraid of horses?
  3. I am on an eternal quest to find cute pajama sets, and these are looking mighty fine to me. Leopard print forever.
  4. It’s sweater szn, baby! Yes, yes, and yes!
  5. Girlfriend Collective is ALL 15% off right now, and I managed to score additional discounts with code WINGIT. I hope it still works for y’all! I got the Topanga Bra & High-Rise Leggings in Daybreak.
  6. Treated myself to a few Everlane goodies: this shirt, this shirt, and these jeans are Choose What You Pay!
  7. Re: the fashion posts above, I’m really trying to sort through all of my clothes and purge, purge purge! In a perfect world, you should only have to KonMari once, but I think a refresh every few years is warranted. I’m learning important lessons about impulsivity and purchasing. Remember how I bought myself these Docs? Yeah…they gave me a blister about the size of a quarter. Will be returning, if possible. Sometimes you try to incorporate something into your style that just doesn’t fit…
  8. And last but not least, it’s my best friend’s birthday today! SHOUT OUT SARAH.

Until next week!