Author: Chelsea Harper

Aspiring Food Network celebrity chef/Conan O'Brien. Incurable brunette.

My Postpartum/Newborn Must-Haves [Part I]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

So, I really thought I was prepared to bring these babies home from the hospital. I really thought I had done the research and had stocked my house with everything I’d need for newborn life. The naïveté! No amount of making checklists, reading blogs, and watching Tik Tok videos could have prepared me for what my babies and I would actually need during the first few weeks of their lives. I ended up returning a lot from my registry and rebuying things with the money, although even with gift cards and store credits, I still ended up spending a small fortune.

Every baby is different (as evidenced by the fact that I have literal twins who are total opposites), so what’s below isn’t gospel, but hopefully what I’ve written here is more helpful than the online registry checklists that say non-specific things like “4-8 onesies.” I hope this is helpful to any prospective moms out there who are (like me) clueless about what the proverbial “fourth trimester” brings!

Hits

  • Kindred Bravely Pumping Bras – Don’t make the same mistake I did. I didn’t buy a single pumping bra while I was pregnant. I bought a pack of nursing bras, thinking I’d tandem nurse twins (LOL). I saw so many hacks online of how to turn regular or nursing bras into pumping bras that I thought buying pumping bras would be a waste of money. Stupid! Run, don’t walk, to Kindred Bravely’s site and get the pumping bra bundle. These are SO comfortable and supportive and miles better than the cheaper pumping bra I bought on Amazon, the insert, or the Medela bustier I have. I’m planning to try this budget-friendly bra as well, but I’m so glad I splurged on the Kindreds.
  • Pads – Remember menstruating, that thing you haven’t done in 9+ months? Turns out you bleed for 4-6 weeks after having a baby, whether you deliver vaginally or by c-section. Another thing that they really should advertise!
  • Postpartum support garment – So, no one told me that after you give birth, you still look pregnant, but instead of your tight round belly, your insides turn to jello. I’m six weeks postpartum and my belly still isn’t totally back to normal. My abdominal muscles are shot—I doubt I could do a sit-up. A support garment is a huge help in the early postpartum days when it’s hard to even get out of bed. I imagine it’s also helpful for toning up and returning to your pre-baby body, but I am too exhausted to care about my appearance these days.
  • Mommy Knows Best lactation cookie mix – I can’t really tell if these cookies actually work, since I’ve been eating them along with taking supplements, eating other galactagogues, and power pumping, but they are friggin delicious and they give me an excuse to eat cookies every day, so I’m calling that a win. This is by far the best flavor…I think I’m addicted. These are also good in a pinch if you don’t have the bandwidth to bake, which, fair.
  • Medela Harmony Manual Breast Pump – Maybe I’m hallucinating, but I swear I get better output when I use the manual pump. (This is my electric pump–it was covered by insurance!) Basically every brand makes a manual pump, and I’m sure they’re all as effective, but this pump takes the same bottles as I use to feed my kids, so I spend less time washing parts.
  • A wearable breast pump – Because you can’t always be plugged into the wall. I went with the Freemie Liberty II; it’s hundreds of dollars cheaper than the Elvie or Willow and I get about as much milk with this as I do with my regular pump.
  • Haakaa silicone breast pump – I CRY thinking about how much breast milk I wasted before I started using this thing. You suction it to your opposite breast while you’re nursing or manual pumping and it collects letdown…there are times when I get an extra ounce without even doing anything. It’s also a great shape as a receptacle for hand expression.
  • Bottles – I had registered for bottles and bottle warmers, but ended up returning most of them. I really recommend either waiting to buy these until the babies are born, or registering for the same brand as your breast pump (and on that note, check what type of breast pump they use at your hospital or birth center!) Brigham and Women’s (where I delivered) uses Medela pumps and accessories, so staying with the same brand means that all of my bottle gear (including the stuff they gave us at the hospital) is compatible. This is so goddamn convenient. (This is my favorite bottle warmer—it’s not the same brand, but the basin is super wide, so it accommodates every type of bottle. I caved and bought a second one after the second week home, because making one twin wait to eat was causing an insane amount of screaming.)
  • Formula – Even if your plan is to exclusively breastfeed, like mine was, you can’t control if and when your milk comes in, so you may need to supplement. My pediatrician recommended either the pre-mixed Similac Advance or Enfamil. I was hoping to just buy the one bottle and switch over to exclusive breastfeeding/pumping, but formula became a (possibly permanent) part of my journey. Formula is expensive, but don’t let anyone tell you differently—breastfeeding is also expensive. Between the pump, replacement pump parts, lactation cookies, storage bags, supplements, etc, it’s a huge investment of both time and money. I know “fed is best” is a total cliché at this point, but it’s true, and you can’t beat yourself up for not producing enough. Now if only I would take those words to heart and stop beating myself up. You could also buy donor milk from a local bank (my kids drank donor milk in the hospital and for the first few days home), but it’s expensive as fuck and I can see how someone might be sketched out by feeding their kids some other woman’s breastmilk.
  • Legendairy Milk products – Legendairy’s Liquid Gold supplement (also available at Target) was recommended to me by my lactation consultant. Their NipDip is my favorite nipple cream I’ve used (I also have Earth Mama‘s), and the Pumping Spray makes lubing up your flanges so much easier. I’m trying Pump Princess right now, along with Sunflower Lecithin. If I continue to see results (I literally just pumped almost 6oz. before typing this), I’m going to try Lactivist.
  • Earth Mama Organic Diaper Balm – WAY better than Desitin. Trust me. We also love Burt’s Bees Ointment.
  • Sleep and Plays (with zippers only-no buttons or snaps!) – For some reason, I didn’t seem to get that newborns only wear footie pajamas. I had (literally) two sleep and plays in each size for each twin…as though there aren’t days where they pee through five of them. My favorites are Gerber (super lightweight for underneath sleep sacks) and Carter’s with the two-way zipper. I’d say have at least 5 per child in each size, and be mindful of the material. Winter babies will need fleece, summer babies will need light cotton, etc.
  • Muslin swaddle blankets – You will find 1,000 uses for these things. Unfortunately, for some ungodly reason, every single person you know will give you blankets when you have a baby. News flash—babies can’t actually use normal blankets, as they’re a suffocation risk. The lightweight muslin blankets can be used as swaddles, bottle props, a shawl for mom, a breastfeeding cover—you name it. We’ve lined our changing pad with them so the cold pad material doesn’t shock the babies’ skin, and we’ve also pulled them taut and tucked them in as a sort of makeshift bassinet sheet. Donate all of the useless blankets you get as gifts (except the hand-made ones!) and buy these instead.
  • Sleep sacks – As I mentioned, babies don’t use normal blankets, so you have to buy wearable ones. I had bought swaddles and cocoon sacks, but as my babies were born in the fall, they needed something more substantial to sleep in. My son loves the Love to Dream swaddle (my daughter hates it), and they both use the HALO SleepSack Swaddles as well. Just be mindful of the TOG (Thermal Overall Grade) Rating (i.e. how warm the swaddle is), and the weight range for use.
  • HALO Bassinest – We have the twin version, so your mileage may vary, but this thing absolutely rules. It swivels, so I can attend to the needs of both babies without moving. The single bassinet is really affordable (as compared to the SNOO) and as far as I’m aware, they have similar functionality (minus being controlled by an app). I’ll get into this more in the “flop” section, but you don’t need baby gear that’s controlled by an app, except perhaps a baby monitor.
  • Baby Tracker app – Game changer. I actually bought the paid version for $5. Before I found this app, my husband and I were trying to keep track of all of their feedings and diapers by handwriting them in a notebook. It was so hard to format and keep up with, as the feedings, diaper changes, and my pumping sessions were all on different pages. This app can be updated by multiple users, so my husband can log info while I’m sleeping and I can update it while he’s at work.
me and my son, leo, in the solly wrap

Flops

And no post of this nature would be complete without a list of the shit that I thought I’d need but ended up either hating or not using.

  • Newborn-sized long-sleeved onesies – These might be good for older babies to wear with leggings or sweatpants, but since newborns are always in pajamas (see above), layering a long-sleeved onesie underneath is too bulky.
  • Nursing bras – Obviously, if you exclusively nurse, then this would not be a flop purchase, but since I pump and supplement with formula, I have zero use for these. Pumping bras clip down into nursing bras, so you get way more bang for your buck if you just buy pumping bras.
  • High-waisted postpartum underwear – These are actually cute and flattering, but I ended up stealing a bunch of mesh underwear from the hospital, so by the time I got around to wearing these, the bleeding had died down significantly. I’ll keep these to wear under dresses, but they’re too high to wear with normal pants.
  • Dermaplast – So, I actually didn’t buy this (I took it home from the hospital), but I ended up hating it. Earth Mama’s Herbal Perineal Spray is a thousand times better.
  • Twin baby carrier – This is obviously specific to people with twins, but the double baby carriers are not it. They’re baffling to try to figure out, and at least in the newborn days, the circumstance where you’d need to wear both babies, or even that both babies will be awake at the same time, is rare. Get a Solly Wrap—worth every penny. They’re so soft and actually really easy to use if you read the instruction manual. If you do need a double carrier, I recommend the Weego.
  • Twin breastfeeding pillow – I registered for the My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow, which I have yet to use even once. LOL at the idea that I was going to tandem nurse twins. I also got the Twin Z pillow, which we use every day. I set them down in this when they’re awake and I’m caring for them solo, and you can also use this to bottle feed them both at the same time. When I actually do breastfeed, if I use a pillow at all, I use a regular Boppy.
  • Owlet Smart Sock – So, to be fair, I probably will use these when we transition my twins to sleeping in their nursery, but they’re definitely not necessary (and expensive as hell). It’s basically an at-home pulse ox your baby wears to sleep. It’s not a substitute for safe sleep (meaning that unless your baby is on their back on a flat surface with no blanket/pillow, they need to be supervised), but it might give anxious moms the peace of mind that their baby is alive and breathing. As cool as the technology is (it sends alerts to your phone), there is really no reason why healthy, full-term babies needs to be monitored at home with a pseudo medical device (the company is pursuing FDA approval but the situation is murky at present). I’d say, unless you are experiencing legit postpartum anxiety, save your money and invest it in a newborn care class.

My Favorite Halloween & Fall Decor at Target

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

For years, I have been trying to steal the title “Queen of Christmas” from Mariah Carey. I always put up a tree, but starting in 2016, I really turned the Christmas cheer up to an 11 (it’s been a rough several years for the world!) But this year, things might look a little different. As I’m expecting twins at some point between, well, later today and my to-be-scheduled induction on November 1, I may just not have the energy or the time to create my usual Winter Wonderland.

So this year, I am embracing all things fall! I didn’t even wait until September to start with the pumpkin spice lattes. Fall is definitely the best actual season, at least weather-wise, but as someone who doesn’t eat candy and hates scary movies, Halloween has never really been my thing (even though my anniversary is 10/30 and we had a candy buffet at our wedding…go figure).

As much as you may try to deny it before it actually happens, having kids does majorly change you, and I realize that I’m about to raise two Scorpio babes who may actually be born on Halloween. I definitely needed a spooky season attitude adjustment, so I’ve started a Halloween and fall décor collection that will hopefully be as insane as my Christmas collection by the time the kids are old enough to Trick or Treat.

  1. We are a cat family, so this kitty skeleton is a must. They also have a bat version…I’m planning on getting several bats to hang on the wall in our entryway.
  2. I love these skeleton dudes, and I want to get a bunch to pose on our furniture, but I’m such a jumpy person that I’ll probably have a mild heart attack every time I walk into a room and see one.
  3. Apparently I’m just really into skeletons, because this skeleton man is on my front door, and even though he annoyingly clangs around every time we open it, I would die for him. My favorite decoration I’ve ever owned.
  4. I love this bottlebrush Halloween wreath. Wreaths are one of my favorite ways to decorate seasonally, since they don’t take up any counter space, they’re easy to store and reuse year after year, and they don’t require any special skills or gear to hang, like Christmas lights do. A pushpin, Command hook, or over-the-door hanger will do the trick.
  5. This raffia wreath might just become a year-round decoration in our house.
  6. I hung this felt autumn wreath on the door in our main entryway. It’s protected from the elements by our glass door, and it’s super light-weight, which makes it perfect for such a high-traffic area.
  7. I’m drinking my morning coffee out of this ghost mug right now. This version is so adorable that I might have to get a few just to decorate with. Maybe I could fill them with candy? Does anyone else collect holiday mugs and swap them out every season? Just me?
  8. Thankfully they make this skeleton baby costume in a 12-18 month size so there’s a chance the twins can rock them in 2022. Although, dressing your baby as a pumpkin is a rite of passage…
  9. You know I’ve already ordered our buffalo plaid matching family Christmas pajamas, but these are a definite contender for next year.
  10. These neutral pumpkins come in two sizes and colors, and if I had unlimited money I would buy 400 of them.
  11. Couldn’t resist this plaid pumpkin. In my opinion, pumpkins are the best fall décor pieces, because you can leave them out well past Halloween. If the colors coordinate, you can even incorporate them into your Christmas decorations!
  12. This acorn garland is adorable.
  13. Amazed at my own willpower that I didn’t buy this turkey.
  14. I love this doormat, but anyone who knows me knows that I am too New England in my soul and cannot pull off saying “y’all.”
my skeleton man on my front door makes me happy every single day when i see him.

Harsh Advice to the Friends and Family of Pregnant People

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

When I got pregnant, I had very little experience being around pregnant people. As the eldest daughter of an eldest daughter, I’m the first in my family in this generation to have a baby, and none of my closest friends are married or have children yet. For someone who is an anxious wreck and hates doing new things, I’ve been pretty successful at always being the “first”—I was the first person in my immediate family to go to college and I even ended up with a graduate degree to really set a high bar for anyone to follow. And then I went and got pregnant with twins, which is a freak of nature—only 3% of live births are twins, and that stat includes pregnancies that resulted from fertility treatments, which increase your chance of multiples. So good luck to anyone who wants to one-up me! (Just kidding, it’s the Leo energy talking.)

The reason I preface this with my own story is that, even though some of what’s to follow is just common sense, I didn’t actually know any of it before I became the pregnant person in question. If I hadn’t been the first, I probably wouldn’t have known how to act, and I’m sure I would have made a lot of these missteps. I have made some of these missteps with friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. So, partially for my own sake in the future and partially out of frustration over the past eight months of my own pregnancy, I have compiled a sort of Ten Commandments of respecting a pregnant person’s boundaries.

  1. Don’t touch them without asking. Actually, don’t even ask to touch them. Probably just respect their personal space.
  2. Don’t say things like “as long as the baby’s healthy” or “all that matters is a healthy baby.” This is ableist, stigmatizing, and shitty. Not every pregnant person is carrying a healthy baby, and that doesn’t invalidate their pregnancy. Don’t place a value judgment on a parent, or a person that hasn’t even been born yet.
  3. Don’t comment on their size or appearance. I mean, if you really want to you can give a compliment like “you’re glowing!” but please keep it vague and positive. You never know what complications or conditions a person might have that prevents them from lining up with an arbitrary idea of what “7 months pregnant” is supposed to look like. A personal example—people are constantly telling me that I look tiny for having twins, or that I look “better” than other women who are carrying twins (this is rude as hell and an extremely shitty thing to say about my homies in the struggle). Meanwhile, I’m living in a private hell struggling with my work/life balance and poor appetite, worried that my lack of weight gain will adversely affect my babies.
  4. Don’t pester them about when their OB appointments are or how they went. This is none of your business, no matter how close a relative you are. Only their labor support person or people need this information. You are not entitled to someone else’s private medical information. Your pregnant loved one will share what they want to share.
  5. Don’t suggest baby names unless asked. And DON’T pressure them to share the baby’s name if they’ve expressed that they’re keeping it private until the birth. This, again, is none of your business. You don’t get to have input. The pregnant person made a human life with their damn body and they can name their kid whatever they want, with or without your approval.
  6. Don’t come near them if you’re sick or unvaccinated. I don’t care if it’s the sniffles or “probably just allergies.” Pregnant people are immunocompromised and even minor illnesses can be dangerous for them or for baby. They also can’t take most over-the-counter medication, so if they do get sick, they’ll suffer more with symptoms. On this note: DO NOT COME NEAR THE BABY IF YOU’RE SICK OR UNVACCINATED. After my babies are born, my husband will be at our door with a clipboard checking your COVID vaccine card, making sure you’ve had your flu shot and TDAP, and providing masks and sanitizer. Babies don’t have immune systems and can’t get their vaccines right away. And whatever you do, even if you are healthy and sanitized—do NOT kiss the baby until after they get their 2-month shots and you’ve cleared it with the parents first.
  7. Don’t question their parenting decisions. If you had a baby five, ten, or fifty years ago, the pediatric guidelines have changed. There’s new research every day, and the pregnant person in your life knows what they’re doing. Just because you put your baby in a crib with bumpers and they turned out fine doesn’t mean we have to do the same. Survivor bias is a real thing, and we’re not going to put our babies at risk of suffocation or SIDS just to make you feel better about your decisions.
  8. For the love of God, don’t get weird about the baby’s gender. Don’t buy onesies that say things like “Stud” or “Ladies Man.” It is extremely gross to sexualize babies in this way. If you buy clothes with words on them, keep it as neutral as possible, like “Little Cutie.” All babies are little cuties. You can buy pink outfits with unicorns for girls and blue outfits with dinosaurs for boys (I get it, I’ve been in a Target recently), but don’t go over the top, and DON’T question a parent for dressing their child in something you don’t deem gender-appropriate. Like, a green sweater is a green sweater, regardless of what rack it was on in the store.
  9. You don’t get to have an opinion about their birth. If they decide to schedule a c-section, or get an epidural, it is none of your business. And if the pregnant person in your life is open enough to share their birth story or birth plan, do NOT tell them what you would have done in their shoes or what you plan to do when you give birth (if you’re also pregnant, then maybe you can do the latter, if you can say it without sounding judgmental of the other person’s choices). Sometimes the way we give birth isn’t even our choice. You don’t know someone else’s medical history. For instance, I’m in good health and a great candidate for a twin vaginal delivery, but things can change on a dime and I could end up with a scheduled or emergency c-section. And if that’s my birth story, I will have ZERO regrets, as long as the outcome is two babies.
  10. This one’s petty, but don’t buy them things that aren’t on the registry. Chances are, they did a lot of research and picked specific things for both their utility and their aesthetic, and getting them stuff they didn’t ask for and likely don’t need is a burden that fills their (probably) limited space with tons of baby crap they won’t know what to do with. And even if you do buy off the registry, include a gift receipt. Yes, you did the right thing, but someone who didn’t follow the rules might have given them a duplicate they can’t return.

Week Links [15 August]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

So, in the past two weeks, I’ve rushed my cat to the vet thinking she was dying (she’s fine and was just dehydrated), my house caught on fire, and we bought an SUV. And those are just the highlights!

To briefly recap the fire, which is something that you never anticipate will happen to you: We had a plumber in swapping out our old steam radiators with a more modern system (I understand nothing about this, so that’s as specific as I can be). Apparently, when he was soldering the pipes in the basement, he must have singed the surrounding wood, because there was a lingering smoke smell. This wasn’t his first time at our house—he’d started the job months ago and he’d done our plumbing when our addition got built a few years ago—and there’s always a bit of a lingering smell, so I didn’t think much of it. But it hadn’t gone away by morning. Last Friday morning I woke up really early, ate a bagel, watched Ginny & Georgia, did a load of laundry, and outside of the smell, nothing seemed amiss. My washer and dryer are in the basement, where the fire was, and I didn’t notice any smoke. About 20 minutes later, my smoke detector started going off, and I walked into my living room to see smoke billowing up through the heater. I grabbed my husband, explained to him what was going on, called my father-in-law (who is the primary one doing the work on our house) and then, like an IDIOT, I ran down into the smoky basement to see what was going on. At no point did it occur to me to call the fire department, and what’s worse, I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE FIRE STATION. I could have just gone outside and gotten help. I learned the very important lesson that I can’t be trusted in a crisis.

My father-in-law raced over in record time and ran straight into the burning basement. He was able to put out the actual flames rather quickly, because the fire was contained in the ceiling and hadn’t yet started to spread. I was banished outside with the cat to protect us both from smoke inhalation. I watched from the porch as he carried out smoldering chunks of wood and insulation with his bare hands. My husband helped clear the area near the fire, and was luckily able to save a ton of our photos and holiday decorations. Only one box of our actual possessions got destroyed, which I’m so grateful for. Once we’d aired out the upstairs sufficiently, I went back inside, grabbed some stuff, and camped out at my in-laws for a few hours to escape the smell and stay out of the way. As fires go, the actual impact was extremely minimal, but on the off-chance we hadn’t been home at the time, the whole house could have gone up with our cat inside. I was an evangelist for work-from-home before the fire, but now I think offices should be abolished entirely, if only to protect cats!

If we hadn’t experienced enough stress on Friday, the next day I decided to knock an item off of my endless baby-preparation to-do list—getting an estimate for my husband’s car. We knew we’d have to sell one of our cars and get something big enough to accommodate our growing family, but I didn’t expect a 10-hour total turnaround. The second I put the info into Carfax, my phone started blowing up with emails, texts, and calls from dealerships offering to appraise and buy the car (a 2005 Camry with 84,000 miles, for reference). Apparently the demand for used cars is insane right now. I made an appointment with a local dealership for 5:30 (the same dealership, incidentally, where my first car was purchased 18 years ago and my husband’s car was initially purchased 16 years ago). The appraisal didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, but we were still offered a decent chunk of change for the car. We went to the lot and toured their inventory, but nothing I liked was jumping out at me. I was just about to tell the guy we’d take the cash for the car and come back another time to buy, when the car pulled up right beside us. I don’t know if it was being test-driven, or if it had just come in, but it was a jade green 2019 Toyota Highlander XLE with only 12,000 miles on it. 12,000 miles! Our runner up was a boring gray 2018 with 35,000 miles. The 2019 checked every single one of my boxes. The thing is a tank, but an extremely attractive tank. I hate big cars (I currently drive a 2019 Honda Fit), but between twins, their carseats, and the sheer amount of gear they require, I knew that we’d have to go for something that could grow with us, and the Highlander has a fold-down third row. It’s like a mini-van, without being a mini-van. I still want to absolutely vomit when I think about how expensive it is (last time I bought a car, it was the Fit after a trade-in, so I’m not used to making big, scary purchases), but Toyotas live forever, so we could have it until the kids are in high school.

see the whip pullin’ up i’m like skrrrr

So, basically, after a year and a half of being at home and doing nothing, all of our major life events happened at once, while I was 25 weeks pregnant.

  1. Binged Ginny & Georgia on Netflix. I’m obsessed and can’t wait for the new season.
  2. Treated myself to a total mom purse (the small Landon Carryall) during the Dagne Dover refresh sale. My color (Dune) is out of stock now, but they’re still 25% off! They’re re-releasing their baby bags, so I’m hoping to snag one for when my twins arrive!
  3. Did everyone know that Ulta released a Gilmore Girls-inspired line? I have every single thing in my cart.
  4. Rothy’s started making kids shoes? I’m firmly in the camp of not buying kids anything expensive until they stop growing but these will test my willpower.
  5. Ordered these as prescription sunglasses. I love a cat-eye!
  6. My cribs got put together! We went with the Babyletto Hudson model because it was really highly rated and super stylish. And when I say “we went with,” I mean that my husband’s gorgeous, generous, iconic cousins insisted that they give them to us as a gift. The generosity people have shown me during this pregnancy continues to absolutely blow my mind.
  7. This budget-friendly Mid-Century Play Set Makeover is so inspiring! I know I have to wait so long before my kids are actually old enough to play, but I’m so excited for that season of life.
  8. After hearing Elise on the A Beautiful Mess podcast, I treated myself to a Get to Work Book, a Project Breakdown Notebook, and a Perpetual Calendar Notepad. I have always wanted to become a planner person, so I challenged myself to keep up with a planner for a full month before I invested in a nice one.
  9. I read Kristen Arnett’s With Teeth and it has been a real…journey. I loved Mostly Dead Things, so I jumped at the chance to reserve her new book through my library, but I must warn you…maybe put off reading it if you’re pregnant or a new mom. It’s not a favorable portrayal.
  10. I’m having this animal print and this travel alphabet printed today to hang up in the Nursery. The room is so close to being done–I’m excited to share the finished product! It has truly been a labor of love…pun intended.

Week Links [July 24]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

I’m 24 weeks pregnant today, on the 24th! I feel like stuff like that never happens (or at least, not since I turned 19 on the 19th of August, 11 years ago). 24 weeks is a big milestone, since the babies are now considered viable (meaning that if something were to go horribly awry and they needed to be born now, they’d likely survive). That sounds kind of bleak, but it’s actually really comforting to me! For the first time in 6 months, I’m fairly confident that my little cantaloupes are going to be a-okay.

I’m also turning 30 in a few weeks and I’m actually really excited! I’m kind of amazed I even made it through my twenties. In a few months, my life will be unrecognizable. It’s a nice parallel—I was born in 1991 and my kids will be born in 2021, as my life enters a new stage.

  1. Bowen Thee Yang has been nominated for an Emmy. The first featured player on SNL to ever be nominated. Bowen must be genuinely exhausted by all the history he has made at this point. I genuinely love every single actor who is nominated in his category (including Paul Reiser, though I have never seen The Kominsky Method), so however the voting goes, I’ll be happy. Bowen has been a shining light in my life for years and I love to see him get his flowers.
  2. Ted Lasso season 2 premiered yesterday and my body is ready. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve fallen so head-over-heels for a new show. And to think I almost cancelled AppleTV+ right before I discovered it.
  3. In honor of Ted Lasso, I will have to bake the biscuits.
  4. These pink glitter Christian Cowan collab Tevas might be simultaneously the stupidest and best thing I’ve ever spent money on.
  5. I’ve been reading (and loving) Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters.
  6. Madewell now has a Preloved shop! I knew they had a jean recycling program, but this is next-level. I’ll definitely be ordering (and then recycling) some maternity jeans because buying those new is expensive. I’ve kind of outgrown the Madewell aesthetic (there just isn’t a boho bone in my body, and boxy cuts don’t suit me), but I maintain that they have the best jeans in the game and I had missed wearing them!
  7. My husband and I started watching McCartney 3,2,1 on Hulu last night and it’s better than I could have imagined. It’s like it was tailor-made for my exact interests. I was thrilled to find out that “Michelle” was partially inspired by Edith Piaf’s “Milord,” one of my favorites! (La vie en rose came out while I was in high school, so I went through a big Little Sparrow phase).
  8. On the subject of McCartney (my favorite subject!) Linda McCartney’s Family Kitchen has not disappointed. I’ve been eating some meat because it’s calorie and protein-dense which is important during pregnancy, but I am feeling the pull back towards plant-based living. It’s just what makes the most sense for me and my family, but you do you!
  9. Never Have I Ever season 2 is out! I absolutely love this show, which speaks to my eternal love for Mindy Kaling, since media about young people rarely interests me (ironic, considering I am currently manufacturing two young people). I Googled it and the actor who plays Paxton Hall-Yoshida is a few months older than I am (30) so it’s okay to think he’s ridiculously cute.
  10. Bought these chairs for my dining table. We currently have a pub-height table with 2 stools that won’t work for us once the babies arrive. I’m going to pair them with a cheap-ish Ikea table and upgrade once we don’t have little Tasmanian Devils running around our house. I mentioned Detransition, Baby earlier, and there’s a moving passage about how once women enter their 30s, dining sets become very important to them…I’m sure it was a condemnation of sorts, but I deeply related to it.
  11. Lately I can’t stop listening to The Kinks. I wonder if it has anything to do with the name we picked for our daughter…

Week Links [3 July]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Get pregnant, they said. It will be magical, they said.

I was lucky enough not to get morning sickness in the first trimester, just fatigue, but last week’s heat wave and humidity had me so sick that I was rueing the day I was born. Things are still touch-and-go, but I’ve started to feel them kick, so that kind of offsets how horribly pregnancy has been treating me recently. I’m officially 21 weeks today, and trying to figure out how I’m supposed to survive the next 15-17 weeks…

I’ve officially picked the babies’ first names, so I may do some sort of “reveal” on here (the closest I got to a “gender reveal” was posting a screenshot of my blood test results on Instagram stories accompanied by a gif of Homer Simpson screaming, so…)

As much as I may have previously been irritated by how myopic pregnant people become, how singularly focused on “the baby,” now that I’ve been there, I can attest that it is real. I think it has to be evolutionary, some sort of biological imperative to keep the fetus healthy by focusing ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION AND MENTAL/PHYSICAL ENERGY ON THE BABY. It’s all I can do to watch TV without also researching baby swing safety ratings. I’ve literally told my therapist that I’m exhausting myself with this, so I certainly don’t blame my friends or family for tuning me out for a while. I’m sure by this time next year, I’ll be begging for Sauvignon Blanc in an IV and a chance to be away from them for 5 minutes. One thing that’s really important to me is to not martyr myself in the process of becoming a mother. I’d like to remain myself, albeit with some small satellites orbiting me.

jean smart is a genius

Ugh, enough about me. It’s been an insane couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Between the Olympics being racist, Britney’s statement on her conservatorship, Bill fucking Cosby going free, and Rand Paul sending out an email with a dog-whistle typo in it, it truly feels like we’re living in the darkest timeline. I’m glad about having a long weekend, but proclaiming “Happy 4th” seems hollow at best, if not entirely tone-deaf. So…just enjoy your long weekend if you’re lucky enough to have one. You deserve to rest.

  1. Jack Black is the funniest person alive.
  2. I’ve been mainlining the show Workin’ Moms on Netflix and I really hope it comes back for a 6th season.
  3. When I finished Workin’ Moms, I devoured Hacks. If Jean Smart doesn’t win the Emmy, the entire institution should be shut down.
  4. I watched Girls 5 Eva in 2 days and I haven’t stopped singing the theme song since. A perfect show.
  5. I replaced my dishes and I’m really happy with the set I got. I bought two of these sets in teal (to make a makeshift service for 8). I paired them with these oversized mugs and these serving bowls.
  6. After much research and no success finding something cheaper that I actually liked, I have purchased the stupidly expensive, aesthetic coffee maker. The other contender was this coffee maker from Drew Barrymore’s line, but the adorable green color was out of stock.
  7. This may be my most “mom” purchase yet. I have to go as hands-free as possible because I’ll have a baby in each arm pretty soon.
  8. Excited to try this cheek and lip tint. I’m almost 30 and still haven’t really figured out how to wear makeup, so this kind of product is the only thing that will get me to wear blush. This one is my current favorite, but I have it in the color “Cherry Cosmos.”
  9. This week on Las Culturistas, Matt and Bowen sang this song, correctly calling it “One of the best songs of all time, one of the most beautiful women of all time, one of the great films.” I can’t even explain how many times I’ve watched this movie.
  10. I’m going to attempt to resist buying these, but these are THE most ’90s sandals ever. Everyone’s mom had sandals just like this. Giving me such Nine West vibes.
  11. Ronan Farrow and Jia Tolentino’s piece on Britney’s conservatorship made me rage-cry. It truly is a nightmare, a form of modern slavery. I hope that how high-profile this case is triggers reform throughout the legal system and proves a huge step forward for the rights of disabled people.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before Getting Pregnant

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

So, before I got pregnant, I considered myself to be very knowledgeable about pregnancy and birth. I’d read books, watched documentaries, listened to podcasts. I knew what an episiotomy is, and what the placenta does. But as it turns out, I am actually a big moron know-nothing of the Jon Snow school of ignorance. I went into pregnancy the same way I go into everything—with big Veruca Salt energy. I wanted the Golden Goose (to finally be a mom), and nothing was going to get in my way. I really thought that because I had strong opinions about Montessori toys, and because I had a pre-conception doctor’s appointment that confirmed me physically fit to breed, that I could “handle” pregnancy, newborn care, and parenting. For the rest of my life.

6/5/21

I’m reading the books and doing the work, but I definitely could have focused less of my energy on the process of getting pregnant (which for me apparently happens if I so much as make eye contact with my husband while I’m ovulating) and more energy on learning how to be pregnant, and the risks and challenges that come along with it. I didn’t factor in what it would feel like to sit in an office chair 8 hours a day, or what eating an extra 300-900 calories a day would actually entail. I didn’t consider how awkward it is to come up with a baby shower guest list, since you’re basically begging everyone you invite for either money or presents. And I certainly wasn’t prepared for the fact that it’s not a magical, earth goddess experience—it actually rather sucks and I’m definitely never doing it again. Here are some of the things (from the serious to the silly) that I wish I’d thought about before taking the plunge, although, let’s be real—even if I had known all of this, I’d still have made the same decision 100 times over.

  1. It could be multiples. Even if they don’t run in your family, and even if you don’t undergo any fertility treatments, you could end up with twins, or even triplets (hello, This Is Us). I didn’t even consider twins to be a remote possibility—only 3% of live births are twins, and that can largely be attributed to the increase in IVF and other treatments. The chances of conceiving twins naturally is only about 0.004%. But 0.004% is not 0%. Before you slip on your sexy bra and pee on the ovulation strip, be sure to make peace with the fact that you could be getting more than you bargained for.
  2. You have to pee constantly. I knew this about pregnancy, but I always thought it was something that happened later due to pressure on your bladder. Nope! Apparently, right from the get-go, the increase in progesterone makes you feel the urge to pee 1,000 times a day. It ebbs and flows (I’m about halfway through my pregnancy now and it’s not as bad as it was), but it’s incredibly inconvenient, especially, as I discovered, when you’re trying to spend the day lounging in the pool.
  3. There is zero consistency in symptoms person-to-person or pregnancy-to-pregnancy. I was hardly sick a day, and everything I read said symptoms were especially horrendous with twins. I also never got that second trimester “boost” I was supposed to feel—I’m tired and uncomfortable all the time, since I have twice as much going on in there. I also still haven’t developed an appetite, even though everything I read, especially about multiples pregnancies, says you get hungry all the time after the morning sickness goes away. I’m only about 3 lbs. heavier than my average pre-pregnancy weight at 19 weeks. So, basically, there is no way to possibly prepare for being pregnant, other than becoming Buddha-level enlightened and being able to truly roll with the punches.
  4. No one tells you…anything. This may vary widely; I’m sure that pregnant people seeing an MFM doctor or who have higher-risk pregnancies get more face time with medical professionals, but since I am, against all odds considering my utter disdain for exercise, healthy as a horse and the babies are thriving, my actual OB appointments are about three minutes long. I’m hoping that, as I progress, I get looped in about important things such as, “What do I do when I go into labor?” and “When the hell exactly am I supposed to have these babies?” Beyond that, since I’ve barely ever met a baby in my life, is someone going to teach me how to actually take care of a newborn? Is that what pediatricians are for? It seems wildly irresponsible and vaguely illegal that they’re just going to let me give birth to these children and then take them home without making me demonstrate any sort of competency at childrearing. It’s harder to adopt a dog, much less a human child.
  5. Maternity clothes are boring. I was actually kind of excited about buying maternity clothes before I got pregnant, but the actual experience has been a total downer. Basics, like long tank tops, are affordable and can definitely be worn after pregnancy, but anything that even approximates stylishness is pricey, and in my opinion, it’s insane to spend money on things with a limited sartorial shelf life. My advice, especially to women not having multiples, is to take advantage of the existing flowy/stretchy stuff in your wardrobe and do your best to skip maternity clothes altogether. Since I’m going to be enormous, I can’t avoid it, but I’m trying to stick to things that I can wear for at least the first year postpartum.
  6. Pregnancy is essentially a temporary disability. I’m very fortunate to be a healthy and able-bodied person, so never in my life have I felt more empathy for differently-abled people than during pregnancy. I knew I couldn’t lift anything over 25 lbs., but I didn’t exactly do the math on how that would impact things as basic as grocery shopping. I also run out of energy performing simple tasks like folding laundry, and my center of gravity is already starting to shift, so I constantly have to be careful not to trip or run into things (I’ve always been a fairly long-limbed clumsy person covered in bruises). Low-impact movement/exercise is really encouraged during pregnancy, but I’m so uncomfortable all of the time that the thought of going on a walk or doing downward dog makes me want to simultaneously laugh and cry.
  7. Nothing is pregnancy safe. This one makes me roll my eyes a tiny bit, since even in recent history, people didn’t have access to fancy prenatal vitamins or, for my husband’s grandparents, even modern conveniences like electricity or running water, and they’ve been having perfectly healthy babies. But since I do have access to all of the wonders of 21st century living, I thought it appropriate to do my best to make my body a temple for my babies (minus the cheesecake kick I’ve been on). My one desert-island, can’t-live-without-it product is lipstick, specifically of the matte liquid variety, and guess what? Makeup is basically poison! If you do enough research, even some products marketed to pregnant women aren’t even pregnancy-safe! If I actually wanted to be a perfect pregnant person, I’d basically have to move in with the Bubble Boy. I’m doing my best (I switched to this lipstick), but they say a healthy mom is a healthy baby, and if I couldn’t periodically dye my greys, I would be mentally unwell.

I’m still early enough in this journey that the true trials and tribulations haven’t even begun, so I’m sure I’ll be back with another installment. But let me just say, that people who go through more than one pregnancy, especially those that are pregnant and also caring for young children, are braver than the goddamn Marines, and I salute them.

Week Links [30 May]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Good morning! I have barely left the house in ages since I’m pregnant and only half-vaxxed (I had to wait until the second trimester), so I don’t have much to report, but here’s what little I can recommend at the moment.

  1. This sandwich looks so damn good.
  2. It’s official. This is the cutest Apple Watch band on earth.
  3. Just bought this rocking chair for my nursery. It’s the perfect mix of firm and comfortable, and super deep. It’s a more subdued color in person, and it’s chenille!
  4. I’m bingeing Gilmore Girls for the first time in about five years and it’s like reliving my own memories. Forever my favorite show.
  5. How cute is this candle shop?
  6. Finally caved and bought this water bottle. The one thing I didn’t consider was that it has a greater capacity than my Soma filter, so filling it is an enormous production. (I ended up solving this by picking a water dispenser up from the Container Store).
  7. Treated myself to this cutie after a very long purse-buying hiatus.
  8. This deodorant is so good. It’s still a natural deodorant, so it’s not magic, but it really holds up, even in hot weather. I got mine at Ulta.
  9. Even though I have only recently joined the motherhood club, I’ve been A Mom for a while, as evidenced by my excitement over this gadget.
  10. Loving The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, but I have to admit, I have an overwhelming urge to say, “I’m lookin’ for my sister, Stella” in a Marge Simpson voice.
  11. Pretty much none of my bathing suit tops fit me now that I have pregnancy boobs (which, for me, is still nothing to write home about), so I’m trawling the J. Crew sale for something with some structure that can accommodate the new additions.
  12. My husband and I have been watching The Nanny on HBO Max and apart from the obvious things about it that haven’t held up over the past 30 years, it is a near perfect show. Sylvia Fine is my idol.

Make Mine a Double

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Well, the cat is officially out of the bag. I’m pregnant. With twins—a boy and a girl (to be officially confirmed at the anatomy scan). To paraphrase something a friend told me when she found out: getting pregnant with twins on the first try is the most Chelsea thing to ever possibly happen. When I went in for my fancy, formal ultrasound at 9 weeks, the tech immediately asked me if I’d had embryos transferred, and when I said no, asked me what medications I’d taken. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something to the effect of, “Nope! This is just…my body!”

Before I got pregnant, I spent like six weeks abusing Dr. Google, terrified that I wouldn’t be able to conceive (even after my actual doctor very kindly ran fertility tests and told me point blank that I wouldn’t have any trouble getting pregnant), and of course I got twins right out of the gate. I definitely didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try—I assumed it would take several months, which is why we started sooner than my original timetable (I wanted to have a baby at age 30 and ended up conceiving at exactly 29 and a half). I feel so incredibly lucky, and even though I’m absolutely terrified at the prospect of double the babies and double the work, I’m so grateful that they’re happy and healthy in there. I know plenty of people that have had a hell of a time conceiving, and the stress is real.

I’ve been interested in birth and parenthood for years, but since I didn’t know if or when it would happen for me, I ignored the topic for years. I can’t tell if I was punishing myself for not being up front with my husband about how much I wanted a baby, or if I was preserving my feelings until I was truly ready to be a mother. In retrospect, I am so, so glad that I didn’t attempt to do this sooner. Even a month sooner, I wouldn’t have been ready. I needed the time to get in tune with my body and my emotions. I needed to work through my issues and traumas (shout out to therapy!) so that I could show up for my kids as the best version of myself. I thought I would spend the rest of my life on antidepressants, and now I’m not taking anything (other than prenatal vitamins and B6 for nausea). I’m not knocking meds (I’m sure I’ll be back ASAP), but I do feel like a badass for doing this au naturel so far.

sonogram at 11 weeks, 3 days. the top picture is of the lower baby, who’s measuring a WEEK bigger that his/her gestational age, and the bottom picture is of the upper baby, who’s measuring exactly on track. i have a feeling by the time they’re reading to come out, i’ll be carrying around minimum 13 lbs of baby.

I’m sure I’ll have more insightful things to say about this journey moving forward, but I’m honestly still processing. I didn’t have morning sickness (so grateful for that), but the first trimester is still awful. It’s exhausting, and at least if you’re me, you’re constantly worried about miscarriage. And YES, I got my first shot of the COVID vaccine while 14 weeks pregnant. My bubs are swimming in antibodies as we speak.

If any other preggos or aspiring preggos are reading this, this is the stuff that I read/used/bought during my first trimester.

  1. A word to the wise—if you just found out you’re pregnant and haven’t even had an ultrasound or talked to a doctor yet, please do not watch The Business of Being Born. I spent 90 minutes panicking thinking I would literally die during childbirth and that the doctors would go against my will and do a bunch of unnecessary medical interventions. Obviously, I was being completely hysterical (pregnancy hormones will do that to you), and in hindsight, I’m really glad I saw the film. Even though it’s really tough on the medical establishment, I didn’t think the portrayal was unfairly biased. Birth is so shrouded in mystery—women are given basically no information about it until they’re actually pregnant. I considered myself really well-informed before, but I had no grasp on the history of obstetrics.
  2. I’ve been listening to Dr. Elliott Berlin’s Informed Pregnancy Podcast non-stop. I especially loved Mandy Moore and Hilary Duff’s episodes, since you know I have stanned both of them for 20+ years #millennialicons. I will admit that it’s making me super bummed out that I can’t have a home water birth, but between insurance, dealing with people’s opinions, and the fact that twins are higher-risk, I kissed that dream goodbye a long time ago. I still want to give birth naturally with no meds, but every time I say that, I kind of feel like that meme of the person painting on their clown makeup. I’ve also been listening to Conscious as a Mother.
  3. I’ve already made my registry because I am a full crazy person. I’m still editing it a lot, and don’t think I’ll actually really share it with anyone until I’m past 20 weeks, but it has been so much fun dreaming of their nursery, gear, and gadgets!
  4. Books in my queue: Bringing Up Bébé, The Danish Way of Parenting, Nurture, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, and Real Food for Pregnancy. I also have The Bump and the What to Expect apps, so I feel pretty prepared for the physical stuff, if not yet for the actual reality of somehow birthing and raising two babies at once.
  5. I justified a second pair of Birkenstocks because the bulk of this pregnancy will be during the summer and mama is not about to wear proper shoes and socks.
  6. But that being said, I did buy compression socks. I already have huge feet (size 10!), so if they grow and I can’t wear any of my existing 5,000 pairs of shoes, I will throw myself off a cliff.
  7. A neighbor of ours donated a massive pregnancy pillow to me, which has helped a lot with my tossing and turning. I don’t actually know which pillow it is, but it looks just like this one. It’s really huge though, and it takes up more than half of the bed, so I got this one for the time being.
  8. Of course I had to get a maternity set from Girlfriend Collective. I got this bra and these leggings.
  9. I’m taking the Ritual prenatal, which I love, but word to the wise, you’ll need to supplement with extra iron.
  10. This is a random one, but I feel it’s my duty to inform you that Trader Joe’s finally made a potato chip version of its Popcorn in a Pickle and they do not disappoint! I know pickles are SUCH a basic pregnancy craving, but I never said I wasn’t a PSL-loving, Ugg-wearing basic!

Week Links [15 April]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

This has been sitting in my drafts for at least a month, so good on me for being so topical and relevant! I’ll write something meaningful in the next post, I swear. I promise that I do have a vague knowledge of current events, even from within my bubble of isolation. Enjoy the following things, in the event that you somehow missed them in the past month.

  1. I have 5 words: Meghan and Harry on Oprah.
  2. of Montreal put out a new album full of undeniable bangers! Kevin Barnes simply does not know how to make a bad song!
  3. Started watching Good Girls on Netflix. Retta, Mae Whitman, and Christina Hendricks are the dream team.
  4. Loving this lip crayon in “Fig” and this liquid lip in “Forever.”
  5. Planning on getting this setup for our 2nd bathroom remodel. I haven’t had one of those handheld sprayer things in over 15 years.
  6. Love these dainty zodiac necklaces.
  7. Making this soup to combat the last of the frigid winter weather.
  8. I’m finally trying out Magic Spoon, after hearing a bunch of rave reviews. It’s really pricey, but it’s packed with protein, which I need more of in my diet, as I don’t eat much meat. I haven’t had Froot Loops in about 20 years, so I’m psyched to have a version with 0g of added sugar.
  9. My friend Sarah’s book is available for pre-order! I’m so excited to finally read it!
  10. This hummus absolutely slaps. Found it at my local Target, but they sell this brand in most major grocery stores.