Get pregnant, they said. It will be magical, they said.
I was lucky enough not to get morning sickness in the first trimester, just fatigue, but last week’s heat wave and humidity had me so sick that I was rueing the day I was born. Things are still touch-and-go, but I’ve started to feel them kick, so that kind of offsets how horribly pregnancy has been treating me recently. I’m officially 21 weeks today, and trying to figure out how I’m supposed to survive the next 15-17 weeks…
I’ve officially picked the babies’ first names, so I may do some sort of “reveal” on here (the closest I got to a “gender reveal” was posting a screenshot of my blood test results on Instagram stories accompanied by a gif of Homer Simpson screaming, so…)
As much as I may have previously been irritated by how myopic pregnant people become, how singularly focused on “the baby,” now that I’ve been there, I can attest that it is real. I think it has to be evolutionary, some sort of biological imperative to keep the fetus healthy by focusing ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION AND MENTAL/PHYSICAL ENERGY ON THE BABY. It’s all I can do to watch TV without also researching baby swing safety ratings. I’ve literally told my therapist that I’m exhausting myself with this, so I certainly don’t blame my friends or family for tuning me out for a while. I’m sure by this time next year, I’ll be begging for Sauvignon Blanc in an IV and a chance to be away from them for 5 minutes. One thing that’s really important to me is to not martyr myself in the process of becoming a mother. I’d like to remain myself, albeit with some small satellites orbiting me.
Ugh, enough about me. It’s been an insane couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Between the Olympics being racist, Britney’s statement on her conservatorship, Bill fucking Cosby going free, and Rand Paul sending out an email with a dog-whistle typo in it, it truly feels like we’re living in the darkest timeline. I’m glad about having a long weekend, but proclaiming “Happy 4th” seems hollow at best, if not entirely tone-deaf. So…just enjoy your long weekend if you’re lucky enough to have one. You deserve to rest.
After much research and no success finding something cheaper that I actually liked, I have purchased the stupidly expensive, aesthetic coffee maker. The other contender was this coffee maker from Drew Barrymore’s line, but the adorable green color was out of stock.
Excited to try this cheek and lip tint. I’m almost 30 and still haven’t really figured out how to wear makeup, so this kind of product is the only thing that will get me to wear blush. This one is my current favorite, but I have it in the color “Cherry Cosmos.”
This week on Las Culturistas, Matt and Bowen sang this song, correctly calling it “One of the best songs of all time, one of the most beautiful women of all time, one of the great films.” I can’t even explain how many times I’ve watched this movie.
I’m going to attempt to resist buying these, but these are THE most ’90s sandals ever. Everyone’s mom had sandals just like this. Giving me such Nine West vibes.
Look, am I really just making this so that I can send it to my husband because he asked what I wanted for Christmas? Honestly yes. Prices range from literally $8 to $300 so it’s basically impossible to disappoint me. Online window shopping is one of my favorite activities, so, in a way, simply making this list was its own gift. Here are all the (mostly) practical things on my Christmas list this year.
HARP Designs Classic Hairpins – Shelly makes the most iconic jewelry in the game, and these hairpins combine fashion and function. I’m such a dork that I “tested” using the hair pins with a cheap set from Target, and I’m absolutely sold. I want one in every size!
On that note, I would also like a pair of these in every size, starting with the largest. Hoop girl for life. P.S. HARP is 20% off sitewide right now with the code “ENJOYBY2020.”
Tiffany Mini Double Heart Tag Pendant – I feel like owning something from Tiffany is kind of a rite of passage, don’t you? This necklace is super dainty and timeless.
I hate wearing anything on my feet (flower child forever), but people are constantly getting on me to at least wear socks or slippers in the winter. Perhaps I can be convinced if I get one of the following pairs…
It’s bad enough that I live in a cold climate, so do all snow boots have to be super ugly? For the past few years, I’ve avoided being outdoors in inclement weather at all costs, but when I did have to traverse the snow, I just wear a cheap pair of faux leather riding boots from Target that I don’t care about ruining. This year I think it’s time to finally invest in a decent pair, and knowing me, they’ll last the rest of my life due to how infrequently I’ll wear them. And hey, maybe when the virus is less of a constant looming lethal threat, I’ll go skiing to really justify the purchase.
Prada Mini Bag Combat Boot (size 10.5 please, they run small!) – Okay, this is actually a joke since these are way beyond my budget and I’d never allow anyone to spend this much money on me. A girl can dream, though!
SMEG Retro Style Electric Tea Kettle in Pink / Pastel Blue / Cream – Smeg is my dream appliance brand. If/when (optimism!) I ever become a woman of means, I want an entire Smeg kitchen. I’ve always loved retro/mid-century design, and I truly thought I’d be over it by now, as I approach my 30s and my tastes refine, but nope! I’m a mid-century girl for life. Now I just have to somehow pick between those three colors. This Pastel Blue set comes with a 2-slice pop-up toaster, which I actually also need. Compelling…
SMEG Drip Coffee Maker in Pink / Pastel Blue / Cream – So, I have about every coffee accoutrement under the sun, but I actually have never owned a drip coffee machine! I think it would be nice to brew a whole pot of coffee in the morning that would actually stay warm until I went for seconds. Right now I use a French Press or Chemex for brewing more than single cups. The Smeg machines also come in bundles with grinders – Cream / Pastel Blue – which would be a dream coffee bar setup.
Retro Microwave – I rarely use the microwave in my house because I’m one of those odious people that heats up leftovers on the stove/in the oven when time permits. The microwave we have now is perfectly fine, but it’s bulky and takes up a ton of counter space. This one is tiny, which is totally fine because we never have occasion to put a full dinner plate in there. I also love this Nostalgia model, as it’s on legs, which would make cleaning the counter so much easier, but it’s actually bigger than my current one.