*Bernie meme voice* I am once again posting this about a month late. In fact, I’m posting this so late that a new Bernie meme (mittens) has already come and gone, replacing the “I am once again asking” meme. We stan a sustainable grassroots king, but c’mon Chelsea—stay ahead of the meme cycle.
I’ve been emotionally all over the place, so it felt disingenuous to be posting about redecorating my office while I was in a private hell. 2021 has been a trip so far, but things seem to have stabilized, and now everything’s coming up Milhouse. My grandmother and her sister got their first doses of the vaccine the other day, which is the first time it’s felt like this all might actually end. When my mom sent me the picture of my grandma getting the vaccine, I think I took my first deep breath in 11 months.
Anyway, here’s a post that has been languishing in my drafts for weeks. Here’s to fresh starts!
I just read Chloe Liese‘s Bergman Brothers series, and I might actually die waiting for the Axel/Rooney novel. I ship them so hard. Also, my friend is an author and apparently knows Chloe personally! I’m starstuck!
Thinking about painting all of my bedroom furniture (which is a horrible dark wood stain) white with this tutorial. Doesn’t make sense to replace all of the furniture, but…
I did get this bedframe. A gold canopy bed! Can you imagine anything so magical??
Loved this podcast episode about the Crisis Pregnancy Center scene from Borat Subsequent Moviefilm. And not that I need to clarify my position, but I’ll take any chance I get to shout out that abortion is healthcare, a right, and needs to be protected at all costs.
Morning! From the title, it may seem like I’m ambivalent about my father (hardly the case), but I am deeply ambivalent about “Hallmark holidays,” because I am a joyless person. Mother’s/Father’s Day just feels like a marketing scheme for bougie brunch places, my favorite of all the places that I’d prefer not be clogged with toddlers while I’m trying to enjoy my mimosa. See? Joyless! And now I’ve made myself crave a mimosa, though I have neither orange juice nor sparkling wine. Chardonnay and lemonade? Y/N? (I’m writing this on Saturday morning, so it’s not out of the question that I may nip off to the store.)
Speaking of the store, I still haven’t returned to grocery shopping, but I plan to resume in the very near future. I have gone to Target briefly a couple of times. I hate wearing the mask—it gives me so much anxiety and for some reason, I clench my jaw really tightly underneath. Is that a thing? But obviously, as I’m not a MORON WHO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, I rock a mask 100% of the time I’m out in public. Which brings me to my next gripe:
People BE going to restaurants with outdoor seating and not wearing masks! What the actual hell? I have been isolated in my house for 100 days! Do you know how emotionally difficult that is for someone with depression? I’m simultaneously living my best and worst lives, missing my friends and family, for what? So that a few absolute knobs can cause a spike in infections that keeps us home until I’m in my mid-thirties? Absolutely not! I haven’t been able to get my teeth cleaned or my glasses prescription updated, but you can have fried clams overlooking the beach? Please eject yourselves into the sea.
Have I complained sufficiently? Haha, it feels good to be back on this, my public private place to talk to myself.
Speaking of my delicate skin, unable as it is to produce melanin, I have given myself over to the gods of Curology. A friend recommended it to me, as my prior attempts at skincare consisted of occasionally using an oil cleanser and forgetting to take my eye makeup off at night. It’s only been three days, so I’m not seeing a visible difference, but my skin feels really soft and I’ve actually started to maintain a nightly skincare ritual, which is a small miracle.
Speaking of custom products designed specifically for me, I also caved and ordered Prose. I heat process my hair twice a week (or so) to varying degrees, I dye it, and my hair is naturally very curly and dry, so I’m giving actually taking care of it a go. I went all in and ordered the oil too, because why not? I truly can’t believe it took until I started going gray for me to actually give a shit about taking care of my hair, but there’s no sense in dwelling on the past.
I have tentatively begun home workouts. I have a legitimate phobia of exercise or movement generally (I legitimately talk about this in therapy, it’s a long story). I have sobbed in gym parking lots, unable to walk in. I successfully completed this video without having a panic attack, so I’m going to see what else Miss Adriene has to offer. I’d really like to check out some body-positive yogis, so plz lemme know whomst to Google. I’m not averse to a paywall!
Even though it’s 14,000 degrees out, I was in the mood for a really big Cab the other day, so I tried out Bread & Butter‘s. When I drink reds, I tend to like them less bold, like Pinot Noirs, but I began my wine journey as a Cab girl and I’ve gotta honor my roots! Also, we’re chilling our red wines, right? The hill I will die on is that we all drink whites too cold and reds way too warm.
We finally bought *actually good* Bluetooth speakers and it has been a game changer. We got this one for me (super portable!) and this one for our house. In addition to awesome sound quality, they’re such fun pops of color against our mostly black-and-white decor. And big bonus, they have a “party mode,” so you can play music from both of them at the same time. Surround-sound!
I’ve been on something of a health journey lately; without going into too much detail, I’m trying to be more mindful about food and making sure I’m actually nourished. I customized a May Designs notebook to keep track of my meals, water intake, and, yes, exercise. It’s super cute, and I feel like it will be something I keep reordering.