Yeah, that’s right. It’s inauguration Day. The end is nigh. We’ll probably be dead by Monday. So, you deserve a drink tonight. And I’ve got the perfect thing.
I am a whiskey sour fanatic because I’m basic because I love me some citrus, but as I get older, I begin to adopt the Ron Swanson philosophy of drinking: “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
The major problema with whiskey sours, though, is the fact that sour mix grosses me out. And unless you’re in a hipster-y college town where the bartender makes his own bitters (I see you Ithaca, NY), I doubt that a whole lot of fresh-squeezed lemon is happening. Therefore, I never order these out, and they taste all the more special when I make my own.
[guys remember when Barack Obama was President and we all had faith in humanity remember that oh we were so young so naive and now we have to literally watch the apocalypse happen before our very eyes]
Wow, sorry for the interruption. I’m having a hard day. ANYWAY, here is my foolproof recipe for perfect whiskey sours every damn time.
Dumb Easy Whiskey Sours
juice of half a lemon
1/2 tbsp organic maple syrup
1 oz of your favorite bourbon (I’m using Bulleit)
splash of lemon, lime, or pure La Croix
Fill a rocks glass with ice. Pour maple syrup, lemon, and bourbon in and stir vigorously. (Alternately, shake these ingredients in a cocktail shaker, if you’re Bond-style). Add the La Croix as a float—this just determines how strong the drink will be. That’s literally it. Garnish with a lemon rind if you fancy. The interwebs suggests garnishing this with a Maraschino cherry, but that’s vile.
Speaking of Inauguration Survival Kit, a few suggestions for the new regime:
Read. Books. By. People. Of. Color. The nation’s highest office was just reclaimed by bigotry, by a racist, homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic, anti-Semitic, xenophobic administration, so it’s on us to make sure the voices and stories of the marginalized are heard. We should make Ta-Nehisi Coates a shitload of money this year.
Don’t let your family & friends that support this bullshit off the hook. By voting for this regime, they have proven that they don’t value your life. Or their own lives, in most cases. They’re not going to get woke on their own, clearly.
Donate your money or time (or both). The ACLU is going to save our asses for the next 4 years. The NAACP and SPLC too. Planned Parenthood is under attack yet again. These, among many other amazing organizations, are the bedrock of our democracy. They deserve your money, your time, or both. Become a monthly donor—$5 a month is enough. The number of individual donors is often as important as the dollar amount per donation. We need to show the regime that we care deeply about our values. Y’know, human rights and stuff.
Listen to a fuckload of Janelle Monae. This doesn’t seem like a real suggestion, but it is. It will heal you.
Use your money wisely. Any business praised by the regime should be boycotted. We can’t let Fearless Leader sell ad space on the flag (as one amazing Twitter-er observed poignantly). Only support businesses that espouse your values. You’ll find that a whole lot of them do.
Let yourself have a drink now and again, but don’t give in to despair. It’s so easy to not give a fuck anymore. The world is trash. But we have the power to get educated. To resist. Apply for that grad program or cool new job. Best case scenario: you get to be around like-minded individuals and fuck shit up. Worst case scenario: nuclear war kills us all and you never have to pay back your loans!
It’s July, and I’m not sure if this is an official thing or not, but I’ve transitioned into a rosé-only diet. As in, I’m only drinking rosé right now. Girly pink wine, right?
Hell no. I think you’re thinking of white zinfandel, which is a literal abomination. It’s what high school Chelsea drank when she was first getting into wine, and it’s humbling every time I see a bottle to know that I was once so basic.
Rosé is the perfect middle ground if you’re like me and love the richness and flavor of red wine but love even more the drinkability & (literal) chill of white wine. It’s not like they mixed half a bottle of each and called it a day, but I don’t own or work at a vineyard, so I don’t know how they make it. Google it! Vast internet!
So, this is what I’m drinking right now. As in right now. The picture above with the strawberries? Half full at the moment.
This wine so faaaancy it’s not even on their website! Just kidding, it cost me $6 at Wegman’s. And when I searched their “where to buy” with my zip code, they sell this rosé at the sketchy convenience store/liquor store down the street from my house! Finally, a reason to actually enter that building! All jokes aside, this is a tasty, tasty wine. I have no clue whether it earns a coveted 90+ points on the wine snobbery IQ test, but it tastes very good, and even more heavenly with the addition of chopped strawberries. My favorite summer thing is to put chopped fruit in wine. Watermelon in Chardonnay is a particular fave.
I appreciate that my wine tastes haven’t gotten too high-brow (I do have some limits though—I’m looking at you Charles Shaw), because it allows me to take occasional chances on cool-looking labels. You know I’ve had the Katy Perry song stuck in my head all afternoon…
This wine. Oh my. This is the third bottle I’ve purchased. Yes, that’s right, I have spent $27 whole dollars on this stuff. My ex-boyfriend from high school Snapchatted me a bottle of this wine because that’s how hardcore I am about it. It suggests sweetness without actually being sweet! That’s my favorite taste! It is so grapefruit-y though. You have to be about grapefruit to like this. Sometimes I forget there’s even alcohol in it. It’s liquid summer. Literally if you comment on this post I will ship a bottle to your house if that’s even legal in these United States. Can’t wait to drink this with La Croix Pamplemousse when my best friend comes home IN THREE WEEKS.
I’m buying a case of it soon, because that beautiful Wegman’s display isn’t going to last forever. I might smuggle it into my wedding. I might drink a bottle of it at 10 am on my wedding day because holy shiiiiit you guys, I’m getting married.
I’m gushing…must be the 2 glasses of rosé I thirstily downed while listening to my new favorite podcast Stuff Mom Never Told You and doing housework/garden stuff.
What are you drinking this summer, and…can I join you?
P.S. And yes, I used A Color Story‘s Rosé filter on the above pics. Of course.
P.P.S. Follow along with these shenanigans on Instagram with the hashtag #dblovesdranks!
Last week I had the immense pleasure of visiting the capital city of Florida, Tallahassee! I know what you’re probably thinking (unless you’re from Florida): “Florida? Northern Florida? Like, if you’re going to vacation on Spring Break, at least hit up Miami or something.”
I get it. Tallahassee isn’t exactly a typical vacation destination. The airport is so tiny, you can’t even get a direct flight there. However, my childhood best friend just got a job at a college there, so to Tallahassee I went. I mean, free lodging and the best homies, hello.
Turns out, I judged Florida too soon and too harshly. Tallahassee is a freaking oasis. I had both the best (glitter) manicure and the best cold brew of my entire life there. At The Lucky Goat, they call it “Cold Gold” and BELIEVE me, I’d swap my engagement ring for an IV drip of the stuff.
So, since I’m newly obsessed with this city, I thought I’d share a guide to the best eats, dranks, and activities in the game—plus a killer beach recommendation!
Mango. Wit. I could end the description there and you’d get why this place rules. Located in the Railroad Square art park, Proof is an indoor/outdoor beer garden & brewery (they don’t serve food, but they do sell their beer in growlers to go!) It has classy/minimalist warehouse vibes and an astroturfed patio with cornhole and bocce! Also–cute bartenders. I’d be a bad reporter if I failed to mention this important detail. If I lived in Tallahassee, I’d be a regular for sure. And if you go? Get a flight. Trust me, you’re going to want to try as many of their beers as possible.
Must try: Mango Wit, Creatures in the Dark Porter, La La Land IPA
Pizza. Whiskey. The end. Two establishments sharing one building, and my heart. I had my first ever mint julep here, and some of the dopest pizza in the game. We, um, spent a liiiiittle more time on the Warhorse side (which was playing 90’s alt-rock/my spirit music) which has a sparse warehouse-y vibe with a graffiti-esque logo. I tried to convince Sarah that there was a connection between the space (warehouse) and the name (Warhorse) but I was brutally rebuffed by her superior intellect. I was trying way too hard for a pun.
Catalina has a special place in my heart. Not only because it’s named after a California island and has major surf-shop vibes, but because it was there that I was introduced to my favorite drink of all time: mazagran. The coffee drink originated in Algeria has many variations, but the one they serve is the Portuguese version: lemonade & cold brew. That’s it. It is liquid magic. It somehow tastes like lemon iced tea and chocolate at the same time. Catalina (the Garages on Gaines location, that is) is another indoor/outdoor establishment (damn Floridians and their stupid good weather in WINTER).
I mentioned this gem of a café/roastery above, and let me tell you, it is worth the shout-out. We only got to go here once, since it’s separated from the area that we predominantly spent time in, but its killer coffee and super sweet barista really left an impression on me! I bought a pound of their freshly-roasted coffee which I can’t wait to brew up for the bae.
Now, this is the cool kid bar. Like, DJ with a MacBook, hot bartender cool kid bar. We stayed here waaaaaay too long my first night in town, but had some amazing drinks and Rihanna dance parties on the way. I had a drink called a Biergarita here, so clearly it’s a pretty legit establishment. The food seemed amazing too! Can’t wait to go back and try it!
Must try: The West Bank. It’s Sauvignon Blanc and St. Germain. Trust.
How do I even begin to describe Nefetari’s? I guess it’s like if you put a bunch of drunk vegans inside one of the pyramids of Giza? The décor is definitely Egyptian/Eastern inspired, but the food is, shall we say, eclectic? You can get jerk chicken, burritos, curry, samosas, and vegan mac n cheese in the same place. Heaven on Earth. I had a Hula-peño margarita (jalapeño & pineapple) and curry pasta primavera with tofu. My mouth was pretty confused, but also delighted. Nefetari’s definitely wins for best omni/veggie options.
Must try: The house-made ginger juice stuff. It’s liquid crack. And samosas.
We had hungover breakfast here on Saturday, and it did NOT disappoint. Vegetarian mushroom gravy, biscuits, and an overeasy eggs (the vegetarian Ralphie, FYI). And sweet potato fries, let’s get real. They also have Maple Tap, which is one of the most heavenly coffees I’ve ever tasted (and BOTTOMLESS REFILLS, Y’ALL!) Instead of taking our names for our order, they asked us to name a favorite band. We said Belle & Sebastian, because high school. Some of the others shouted out were The Roots and Lake Street Dive. Clearly, we were there with other kindreds.
The Fermentation Lounge is a local Tally craft beer bar with an adjoining restaurant called Grain on All Saints St. We didn’t actually hang at the Fermentation Lounge, but we ate at Grain and had one of the Lounge’s amazing beers. Great eats, great drinks—an all-around win!
Must try: Beer cheese fondue and the red wine beer. I don’t remember the name of it, but trust me, it was a revelation.
Tacospeak was walkable from my friend’s apartment. I would gain a million pounds! I ordered 2 “Hipsters” and I kid you not, there is FRIED CHEESE inside of there! If you live in or near Tally and you don’t go to Tacospeak regularly, you have failed me and I disown you. The end.
Nail Bar is not false advertising. There was booze there! We were way too hungover to take advantage of the complimentary mimosas, but what a way to spend an afternoon waiting for your rental car to become available! I got fucking glitter nails. Not a glitter polish. The nail tech poured actual glitter on my nails. It was extreme. I’m never taking it off. All gold everything. Best manicure experience of my LIFE.
Must try: A glitter manicure. Best $40 I have ever spent.
This beach makes Massachusetts beaches look like pond scum. I mean, they are pretty garbage but until you hit the Gulf Coast, you don’t really know, you know?
Houses line the shoreline, and they are the orange sherbet houses of my DREAMS. Sarah and I briefly considered not going back to Tally and just working coffee shop jobs on SGI. White sands forever.
Must try: Grouper from the Blue Parrot (a beachside restaurant). Disclaimer: I think fish is vile and don’t understand why people eat it, but if you’re into that sort of thing, this is a local fave that is served in tacos!! Also, FYI the Blue Parrot has a live cam of the beach! Daydreamers beware!
Other awesome things about Tally: La Croix is readily available everywhere, you can buy beer at the grocery store, and the Uber drivers are all amazing and mostly dads.
So, Floridians, did I miss anything? I’m obsessed with your city and can’t wait to go back!
**All photos taken on my iPhone 6 and edited with A Color Story unless otherwise noted.