Author: Chelsea Harper

Aspiring Food Network celebrity chef/Conan O'Brien. Incurable brunette.

The Minimalist “Mini Edit”

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

My queens and idols Clea & Joanna of The Home Edit have graciously provided us with “mini edits” throughout quarantine—small one-day organizing projects to help us optimize our homes during this, well, sub-optimal time. Full disclosure, I will absolutely be ripping a few of their ideas off, but this particular mini edit is tailored very specifically to a certain kind of home: one that is already organized but seeking to minimalize. I’m so inspired by minimalist homes, but no matter how much I sell/donate, I never seem to be able to get all the way there. I’m, I guess you’d say, a maximalist clutter queen trying to become a Scandinavian ascetic.

If you are already tidy, but want to take it to the next level, here is my *very Barenaked Ladies voice* One Week Organizing Challenge!

Refresh the Refrigerator*

Be honest—when is the last time you actually cleaned your refrigerator? Like, took everything out and cleaned it? I’m a tidy gal, but I must admit that I’ve done this maybe…twice? I’ve had my fridge for like 4 years. There are plenty of great resources online to set you on your path. Jolie Kerr wrote the definitive guide to deep-cleaning your fridge, but here are my tips:

      1. Take every single item out.
      2. Wash your bins with soap and water, wipe down any shelves you can’t remove.
      3. Check expiration dates. Expiration dates are mostly a scam, and have more to do with corporate liability than health hazard, but some things really should be tossed on schedule. Your miso paste is probably fine, but the sour cream has got to go.
      4. Organize all of the food/bev into categories. Put them back in the proper place, i.e. vegetables in the crisper, cheese in the drawer, etc. It’s easy to get lazy and just throw things in there, but maintaining an organizational system not only makes cooking & eating easier, but saves you time at the grocery store, since you always know what you have. I can’t recommend fridge bins enough. Target’s are great and really cost-effective. If you want to splurge, definitely hit up The Home Edit’s line at the Container Store.

Now, repeat the whole thing with all of your cabinets and drawers. Be ruthless.

Pare Down the Paper*

You don’t need your tax returns from 7 years ago. Off to the shredder! Keep a shoebox handy for sentimental items like Christmas cards and recycle everything else. Basically, all you should keep is tax paperwork from the past 3 years (just in case), identity documents (birth cert, SSN card), things relevant to your current health insurance, and receipts if you itemize. Or, honestly, just digitize everything.

Itemize Your Inbox*

Emails cause some people a lot of stress, and for good reason! They’re omnipresent—they bombard us at work all day, and then in our personal lives they’re receipts, coupons, bank statements, tracking info, personal correspondence, and politics. It’s a lot to take in. My first suggestion is to use a service like unroll.me to unsubscribe from or hide unwanted emails. Next, create broad categories with sub-labels to help organize what’s already there. Soon you’ll be living an Inbox Zero Lifestyle! Here’s an example of ideas for a Gmail side menu:

  • Inbox
  • Career
    • Current Workplace
    • Former Workplace(s)
  • Education
    • Student Loans
    • Alumni
  • Finance
    •  Bills
      • Car/Car Insurance
      • Utilities
    • Credit Cards
    • Taxes
  • Personal
    • Causes
    • Family & Friends
    • Media
      • Newsletters
    • Misc.
    • Tickets & Travel
    • Wellness
  • Receipts
    • Fashion
    • Living
    • Misc.

Go through and delete anything older than 2 years, except tax/loan documentation and personal correspondence. Flag anything interesting that you haven’t gotten a chance to read. Take a deep breath and embrace freedom.

Sift through Your Shoe Collection*

“You’re never going to wear the yellow flatforms, Chelsea,” and other things footwear hoarders say. Truthfully, I feel like all femme-identified folx only need a pair each of the following shoes:

        1. Athletic sneakers
        2. “Fashion” sneakers
        3. Black pumps
        4. Black flats
        5. A “work” heel
        6. Riding boots (suitably waterproof for winter)
        7. Chelsea boots or booties
        8. Leather sandals (for everyday summer wear)
        9. Flip-flops (for the beach or pedicures)

When you purge, make sure you don’t overdo it and get rid of something functional #fortheaesthetic. But don’t get rid of your “fun shoes” either! You’re allowed to have a ton of fun shoes, just make sure you have sensible (preferably hidden) storage. I use this at my house and it fits…most of my shoes. It’s a great price and it looks really stylish. It also comes in a bench version, which I also have (for my husband’s shoes), which could be used as a TV stand as well.

Clean Up Your Carpets*

Do you have a pet? Or even just long hair that sheds? Your carpets/rugs are probably disgusting. No matter how much you vacuum, you can’t make up for the fact that rugs literally live on the floor. And vacuums can only do so much. Unless you’re a billionaire and can afford one of those fancy pet Dysons (please buy me one), a vacuum can only do so much. And every rug has different cleaning instructions (for instance, jute can’t be cleaned with water). Figure out what your rug is made of, Google deep-cleaning instructions, and go to town. You will be shocked at what comes up. This is especially important if you or a loved one has allergies!

Tackle Your Toiletries*

Your bathroom cabinets, drawers, or closet can be a breeding ground for clutter and chaos. Somehow, you can run out of bar soap while simultaneously owning 14 travel-sized tubes of toothpaste. I guarantee you have tubes of lipstick that should definitely be discarded. Getting a handle on your bathroom storage makes life a thousand times easier. This is a great guide to getting started! And since bathrooms are the least fun area to clean, less clutter means less surface area to wipe down—it’s a win-win!

Rehome Your Reading Material

I am a huge book-lover, and I would never go so far as to propose, à la Marie Kondo, that one should only own 30 books, but you probably don’t need all of the books you have. I actually wrote a post about this a few years ago and I absolutely stand by what I said. The beat up copy of Catcher in the Rye from freshman year of high school that you’ll never read again is just taking up space (if, like me, you probably will read that book again, treat yourself to a nicer copy and ditch the public school standard issue). You don’t need to own Faulkner’s entire bibliography; Toni Morrison was influenced by him, and her books are way more enjoyable. If you read her, you get the point.

Bonus Points:

Cut Down Your Closet

Another tricky one. People get very sentimental about clothes. I tend to go scorched earth on my closet every few years and then regret getting rid of that oversized Banana Republic sweater or that too-small Anthropologie jumpsuit that I will definitely fit into again someday. I think Marie Kondo speaks on this subject far more eloquently than I possibly can, so suffice it to say that you truly do not need all of those clothes you never wear. Go through everything, make a donate pile (or resell them on Poshmark!) and enjoy your simplified wardrobe!

ROYGBIV Refresh*

Nothing makes a space visually interesting like color coordination. Organizing your bookshelf in rainbow order (or your dresser drawers, or closet, or literally everywhere in your home) is functional and fashionable. My favorite thing to color-coordinate is phone apps!

this is my actual iPhone right now (i live that zero-inbox, zero-notification life)

*I have actually accomplished all of these things very recently, so I know it’s not impossible!

Sunday Scaries [4.5.20]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Good morning, or afternoon, or whatever because time is meaningless in quarantine! I’ve now organized my home so thoroughly that I have run out of things to organize…onto purging. Overall, though, I seem to have mellowed this week. I’m leaning into stay-at-home life and continuing to be grateful that we have employment, stable shelter, and have not run out of toilet paper. Stay safe and well, my friends.

  1. The Cut did the Lord’s work. And speaking of The Cut, this article crushed me.
  2. I would never spend $350 on a handbag…haha…jk…unless?
  3. Devastated to hear about all the media layoffs happening right now. If you’re not familiar with Brandy Jensen’s work, get to know her.
  4. I started Little Fires Everywhere. Apart from Kerry Washington making some…choices, I really like it. I loved the book.
  5. Speaking of books, I’m reading Where the Crawdads Sing and can’t put it down. I’m a sap.
  6. This recipe is absolutely outstanding!
  7. Although, I mean, Chelseas can change out all the knobs on her bedroom furniture as a treat, right? How cute would these be for a kid’s room?
  8. I don’t really know much about Dua Lipa but we stan an alto who sticks to her strengths. I’ll have to give her new album a listen.
  9. Quarantine has cracked me. I re-upped the wine subscription. A month ago I had literally quit drinking, but alas…
  10. Rest in Peace, Adam Schlesinger. If you don’t know his name, you know his work. He was younger than my dad. COVID-19 is no fucking joke.
  11. And finally, today is the 26th anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death, and on this day, and every day, we celebrate the man, the myth, the legend.
Record store finds royalty check to Kurt Cobain from more than 25 ...
source

Until next time,

c

Spotted

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

I have loved leopard print for as long as I can remember. Even though my husband thinks it’s tacky (he’s @GrandizerGo on Twitter if you want to drag his ass), it is one of my favorite prints and I find it visually calming. It reminds me of my Great-Aunt Michele—we always bonded over our shared love of it (she’s still pretty young and very much alive, just to clarify—this isn’t a sad thing!)

Screen Shot 2020-04-05 at 1.45.24 PM
source: etsy

I was going to include a few of these in my usual Sunday Scaries post, but there were just too many leopard things, and the post was overtaken. Please enjoy some internet window shopping!

Stay Home & Stay Sane

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

So, everyone’s sharing their tips for how to maintain a sliver of sanity during quarantine, so I thought I’d jump into the mix and share what’s (barely) working for me. This historical moment will probably traumatize us for the rest of our lives, but instead of living in a state of constant fear and anxiety, I’m trying to be grateful for this rare chance to rest. Negativity and stress actually tear down your immune system; we need to take care of ourselves and our physical and mental health during times of crisis and grief. If we’re lucky enough to be safe and healthy at home, we need to show solidarity to our communities by being the best versions of ourselves and helping wherever we can. So, rather than list a bunch of charities you can donate to (that will come, trust me), here are ten little (mostly) free ways to honor yourself and your space right now.

Sanity GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY
source: giphy
  1. Create a morning coffee (or tea!) routine. We can’t go out for coffee right now (I mourn it constantly), but now is the time to up your homebrew game! My go-to is the Chemex. It’s a little bit more labor-intensive than a French press, but the returns are far from diminishing. It’s by far the smoothest at-home coffee experience you can have. If you have an income right now, splurging on a Chemex and a gooseneck kettle will pay for itself within the month. I’ve come to cherish my quiet coffee time in the morning.
  2. *very Eminem voice* Clean out your closet! I find The Curated Closet to be a great resource for determining your personal style. What better time could there be to do the workbook than when you’re stuck inside with no work dress code? This is a. super fun, b. a great way to get rid of clutter, and c. a way to make a small income during a time when finances might be hard (through resale sites like Poshmark).
  3. Lean into work! If you’re lucky enough to be employed and able to work from home right now, lean into it. I’m super fortunate to actually enjoy my job, but even if you don’t particularly like your line of work, now’s a good time to embrace what you’ve got for the moment. If you’re working, that’s 8 whole hours of your day that you’re no longer obligated to fill!
  4. That being said, establish work-life boundaries. Working from home was going to go one of two ways: either I was going to goof off all day and get nothing done, or turn into a workaholic zombie who refused to take breaks. It’s the latter. Set an alarm at the same time every day and eat lunch, or take a walk, or in my case, take a shower. Get away from your computer screen if you can. You deserve it! Breaks are a legally-mandated part of your workday!
  5. Pick up a book. This has been the hardest part of quarantine for me. Even though I’m faced with endless time on my hands, I, like a lot of women, feel guilty whenever I have free time. I feel like I should be cooking, or cleaning, or working, or writing, or learning French, or literally doing anything besides relaxing. We need to stop punishing ourselves. Pick up the book, watch the tv show, do the puzzle. Do what you like.
  6. Meditate. Full disclosure, I have not actually started meditating BUT I know that I need to because I have anxiety that tends to keep me up at night. There’s, quite literally, no time like the present to start this healthy habit. Mindfulness is a big buzzword right now, but meditation can be free, very beneficial, and a far cry from Goop wellness culture.
  7. Make a mood board. The first thing I did when quarantine started was clean, organize, and redecorate my house like a madwoman. What I wish I had done was create a mood board to figure out the direction I wanted my décor to take. Do I want to make big changes or work with what I have? Do I need a new pink shag rug so that my bedroom will be “perfect?” Making a décor mood board (or, for that matter, a fashion one) is like a return to the magic of childhood imagination.
  8. Do something you’ve never done before. My example of this is that (I’m aware of how privileged this sounds) I had never actually painted the walls of my house before. My father-in-law does all the major updates here, so I was afraid to give it a try for fear of “messing up” all of his hard work. But on Saturday night I got so bored that I said, “Fuck it.” I went to the basement, looked through all the paint colors, found a cool grey, and painted a door and some faux “gables” on top. They came out really awesome and, as it turns out, I had no reason to be afraid! I’m a good painter. There’s no better time than now to take a creative risk, and there are so many things you can do that don’t cost a cent.
  9. Whatever you do, don’t punish yourself for eating. Not that you should ever have misgivings about eating, but we’re trapped inside all day! If you want a snack, have a snack! And if you’re like me, and you have the opposite problem (completely forgetting to eat all day without structured mealtimes), set an alarm and force yourself to establish healthy habits. You deserve to nourish your body.
  10. Dance like nobody’s watching. It’s a cliché for a reason, people! I have been putting on late ’90s pop, or Broadway musicals, and putting on full performances in my kitchen. I even cut my toe dancing, I was going so hard. It’s not only a great form of exercise for those of us who are indoor cats, but the movement and the music gives you a mega-blast of endorphins.

Well, I’m not used to being so cheery and positive, but I think that a lifetime of catastrophizing and anxiety have really prepared me for actual chaos. I’ve always put the needs of others before my own, but we’re really in a “put your oxygen mask on before helping others” situation, so I’m slowing down and honoring that.

-c

Sunday Scaries: Quarantine Edition [3.29.20]

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

*extremely Bernie Sanders voice* I am once again asking you to bear with me as I change the name of this series. I wrote a massive post yesterday so I’m just gonna yeet this one out into the world. Thanks for reading!

Evita | Metrograph
source
  1. Can’t wait to watch Whitmer Thomas’ HBO Special.
  2. I’m officially in the acting-out-musicals stage of quarantine and right now it’s Evita (the Madonna/Banderas soundtrack). I literally injured my toe from dancing barefoot on hardwood, so, it’s getting serious. Also, not trying to brag but my “Buenos Aires” is top-notch (but it’s no Patti).
  3. This song is a classic and I’ve listened to it so much that I somehow know the words despite not knowing Spanish.
  4. I probably shouldn’t be ordering anything non-essential but this breadbox is so goddamned cute. I feel like, even when I don’t have any bread in the house (which is often), it’s such a good hack to keep your kitchen counters clear.
  5. I really want to replace all of the knobs on my kitchen cabinets and these mf-ing pulls. Also, I just got the tentative okay from my landlord father-in-law to paint my cabinets white! A DREAM!
  6. Should I watch Watchmen? My best friend keeps telling me I’d love it.
  7. I am obsessed with this video.
  8. I’m very into sleep hygiene/sleep routines. I use a weighted blanket, a pillow mist, satin pillowcases, and an eye mask every night, and ban.do has some really cute ones on sale right now.
  9. I’m growing out my hair right now to a goal length I can only refer to as “sister wife,” so please let me know which hair-growth snake oil I should buy. I have a massive backstock of Care/of vitamins (I never remember to take vitamins) and I wash my hair twice a week, but apart from that I’m not really doing much other than dustings every 10-ish weeks.
  10. Now that Everlane’s out, where the hell do I shop? Thinking about checking out Pact. They seem pretty affordable!

P.S. I’m not going to watch Tiger King so literally don’t even ask.

 

 

Quarantine Mega-Post: Updates, Libera Giabuchi, We’re All Gonna Die, etc.

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Well, the entire world is on fire, and not for the usual reasons. Things are hideously bleak at present and, apart from sewing some masks and making some donations, there’s literally nothing we can do about it except stay at home and not touch our faces. We’re kind of living in Station Eleven, and yes, that is the justification I will eventually use for performing Shakespearean monologues on Instagram stories.

My family and I are doing really well, and as yet, no one we know has been affected by COVID-19. I’m so fortunate to still be able to work remotely (I love my job and wish I could gush about it but I would like to keep it private so that I can, y’know, keep it). My husband is also able to work from home, which we didn’t initially know would be an option, so we’re really thankful.

I’ve been making an effort to shower and get dressed every day, to preserve a sense of normalcy, even if the shower doesn’t come until 3pm. Everyone keeps posting about snacking all day long, but I’ve actually been having the opposite problem: I keep completely forgetting food exists. We’re not panic-buyers, but our fridge and freezer are STOCKED with healthy stuff (we also have an adequate amount of toilet paper—Trader Joe’s has it!) I’m hoping that my reduced calorie intake counteracts my absolute lack of any physical activity whatsoever. I actually danced last night for over an hour (if you’re a millennial, I highly recommend throwing this song on and going absolutely buckwild). I’m trying to use this time to improve my home (I ROYGBIV’d my bookcase) and myself (I’m crushing DuoLingo French checkpoints like a frat boy crushes p—I’m sorry, this is a family blog). As of yet, I have not done anything fucked up to my hair, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.

this pano looks really odd, but there’s a support pillar in front of my bookcase so, oh well.

Before I get into my usual frivolity, I just want to say that, if you’re like me and you’re still earning an income, do whatever you can to support your community. I made a donation to my local food bank, and I’m looking for other ways to lend a hand during this crisis. One positive outcome of this might be the increasing radicalization of society, proof that nothing ethical can exist under capitalism. Comrades Fran & Britney certainly seem to agree! But in the meantime, schedule Zoom happy hours, get into that book you’ve been meaning to read, organize your bathroom cabinets, take your meds, and remember to eat your fruits and veggies. I think we’re going to be in here for a long, long time.

I love and miss you all. If the worst happens, please play this at my funeral, and make sure David Hyde Pierce is on the keys.

La Musique

Gaga’s “Stupid Love” is the best thing she’s put out since “Applause,” don’t @ me.

RIP to The Gambler. This video made me sob! I’ve listened to “Islands in the Stream” 100,000 times this week because I like to suffer!

Of Montreal, Tame Impala, Best Coast, Mandy Moore, Justin Bieber and probably lots of other people have just put out albums so go listen to them!

I made an Apple Music playlist of the trashiest pop from when I was a kid (late ’90s/early ’00s) and it is giving me life.

This is my most-listened song of quarantine. I guess you could call it optimism. We do not deserve Ariana Grande.

Ariana Grande | Houston Toyota Center
source

Les Filmes

Can’t wait to go absolutely HYPEBEAST for Self Made, starring ACADEMY AWARD WINNER OCTAVIA SPENCER.

I read the book years ago, but I finally watched Room and oh my GOD. Brie Larson WERKED for that Oscar, honey. Also, Jacob Tremblay is a star the likes of which this world rarely sees and I simply have to stan.

I watched both To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You this week because I’m a crazy person!

Autostraddle hath come thru!

La Télé

Stop what you’re doing and watch Feel Good on Netflix. Right this instant! I won’t spoil anything, but…Lisa Kudrow.

I binged the entire series Dollface on Hulu and loved it! It has a similar magical realism element to Jane the Virgin.

Have you watched Living With Yourself on Netflix? I’ll watch literally anything with Aisling Bea. It’s really strange and wonderful!

I watched Taylor Tomlinson, Fortune Feimster, and Pete Davidson‘s comedy specials last week. Yeah yeah yeah, Pete Davidson. It was fine.

Wassup!: Niles Crane has the last laugh
niles crane’s jawline has absolutely cut my gems

I literally can’t stop watching Frasier on Hulu. How can Frasier Crane be so amazing whilst Kelsey Grammer is such a monster? Also, can someone please diagnose what it is in me that is deeply sexually attracted to Niles? Please see the following works of Daniel M. Lavery: “Sophocles’ FRASIER,” “Niles Crane And The 1930s-Era Character Actresses Whose Spirit He Confusingly Embodies,” “Niles Crane Is…” (Actually, y’know what? Just Google “Shatner Chatner Niles”).

I’m like hours away from doing a full Gilmore rewatch, I can feel it.

I’m pretty sure The Nanny is going to be on a major streaming network soon (per Fran’s Twitter) and I’m gagged. Give me all of the nineties fashion!

Les Podcasts

Ding dong, Las Culturistas is back!

Marc Maron’s interview with Ronan Farrow is fascinating. What a brilliant man—a true millennial icon.

My queen and idol, Julie Klausner, put out a new How Was Your Week? AND announced a new podcast with Tom Scharpling, Double Threat. A mitzvah in these dark times!

Should I just cave and become a Punch Up the Jam patron? I’ve easily listened to over 50 episodes at this point. My husband and I both lost it for several minutes yesterday during the bridge of the “Freak on a Leash” episode.

Les Romans

I bought the audiobook of Cameron Esposito’s Save Yourself. Cameron is one of my favorite comedians and I daily mourn the loss of Put Your Hands Together.

I’m trying to read Silas Marner along with my tutoring student and wow, only 18 months out from earning a literal Master’s degree in Literature and my brain has atrophied to Jello. I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to get through some classics in quarantine. I’m thinking Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, and Brideshead Revisited, since I already own them.

La Mode

So, Everlane is canceled. They vindictively laid off their newly-formed union of remote workers and uh, wow, fuck you, guys.

If I find out this company SUCKS too, I’ll return them, but I am trying out these pants because it appears that no company (including Everlane) makes dress-pants for what I’m generously calling my hourglass shape. Also, of course they went on sale after I bought them. Will report back on fit for my thicc chicks ❤

Also, I have bought myself another handbag, and I need to stop, but just so you know, I keep them forever and display them when not in use because they are my precious babies. Also, handbags have way better resale value than most stuff online, just sayin’. Here’s another recent purchase that’s a particular fave, and the best computer bag ever.

I found an Etsy shop I love! I got these belly rings (1, 2) and these conch studs (1, 2). Unfortunately, I’m an idiot and forgot that my belly piercing is 14g, so I might try to exchange but these things are seriously gorgeous.

Chez Moi

I’m reorganizing my house, call it early Spring Cleaning, and this shelf is going above my kitchen counter. It’s so cute and perfect for me that I can’t believe I didn’t personally design it.

I’m a huge, huge fan of Method‘s cleaning products, but their Heavy Duty Degreaser is an absolute lifesaver. I am not about to use conventional cleaning chemicals on my stovetop, a surface that a. is exposed to fire and b. is where I prepare our food, so finding this more natural alternative that really works was a gamechanger. I buy mine at Target or Grove.

After years of searching, I finally found the perfect throw pillows.

Chelseas can have a little home improvement, as a treat. Since Governor Baker basically shut down Massachusetts (I’m not complaining!) I have purchased this chair and this rug. Soon my entire house will be monochrome pink and I’m not mad about it.

Le Mélange

If you’re not following nostro re, persona di colore dell’esperienza italiana, Giabuchi, you are not truly living in these times. Considering what’s going on with coronavirus worldwide, especially in Italy right now, Jaboukie’s mild Italian shitposting is tremendously healing. Catch him before he gets suspended again for heroism.

Screen Shot 2020-03-28 at 9.55.48 AM

I loved this post about creating a reusable on-the-go car kit. When we’re finally out of quarantine, I really want to make a more concerted effort to be no-waste. Not being able to use reusable bags at the grocery store right now is killing me. P.S. The cutlery set Laura mentions? It comes in pink.

Discovered this shop last night and I’m intrigued to say the least.

And finally, have you checked out Bernie’s merch store? I got car magnets for myself and my husband—Medicare for All for me & Feel the Bern for him.

See you on the other side of this, fam.

Shout Out Sunday 2.16.20

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Good morning, friends! I’ve been on staycation for the past week, and I have to say: time off is extremely good for mental health! On Friday, I took a tour of the Rhode Island State House. Random, but it was super fun! Doris, the tour guide, was an absolute treat!

It’s been so nice to relax and reset before I start my new job. I feel like an entirely new person. And with the renewed energy of a calm and centered woman, here’s this week’s list!

  1. Breaking news: Daniel M. Lavery‘s essay collection, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, is officially out! I pre-ordered because I’m a full stan. I made an Instagram story about it when I received it and DANNY FUCKING DM’D ME. I have photographic evidence!
  2. I am sobbing re: Wes Anderson’s new film, The French Dispatch. July can’t come soon enough.
  3. There’s a High Fidelity reboot series starring Zoë Kravitz on Hulu and I cannot wait to binge the shit out of it.
  4. This article is…so relatable.
  5. Started watching the Australian Netflix series, Sisters. I’m loving it so far—the premise is dark, but the show is so vibrant!
  6. I am obsessed with Universal Standard, and I truly wish I were a millionaire so I could bedeck myself in all of their wares.
  7. Should I get an Instant Pot? I already have so, so many kitchen appliances but people seem to love them! A huge consideration, of course, is that it comes in this color. Extremely into the idea of making my own yogurt!
  8. As you know, I’m a full-on ho for podcast endorsements, so I’m looking forward to checking out Thrive Causemetics! I actually have one of their products already (I got it in a subscription box) and I love it!
  9. I never wear sneakers but I have the soul of a sneakerhead. I keep getting targeted ads for Nothing New, and I truly wonder how long it will take me to break.
  10. Against my better judgment, I’m absolutely buying this dish set. It’s finally time to donate the Ikea set that I’ve been rocking for 6 years and get some grown-up dishes. They’re not microwave-safe so it’s all the more reason to ditch that appliance!
i told you i had proof

C U Next…Week?

-c

The Best Things I’ve Spent Money on This Year

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Okay, so by this year, I mean 1/1/19 to present. As I may have previously mentioned, I took a really prolonged break from spending money so that I could (successfully!) pay off ALL of my credit card debt. I also refinanced my student loans and got a lower interest rate on my car loan, so despite the fact that I absolutely was not making a living wage, I managed to kick some serious financial ass. I would not have been able to do any of this without my amazing husband and my in-laws—they’re so supportive and generous.

The crazy thing is, I went through and tallied up what I spent on everything on this list, and it’s roughly equivalent to what I spent on copays and medication for the year. Not trying to be controversh, but I shouldn’t be able to get an enormous tattoo, furniture, and an iPhone for less money than basic healthcare. In the spirit of that sentiment, please join DSA and consider volunteering for the Bernie Sanders campaign /end rant.

It’s also worth mentioning that a couple of the things mentioned below are from truly evil corporations that I, as a feminist socialist, do not want to continue supporting. Disengaging with major retailers is hard work, and participating in capitalism at all means that we all have the “damn’d spot*” on our hands. Next year, I hope this list is all small businesses and sustainable retailers, but all I can do is try my best. So without further ado, here are the purchases I made last year that were absolutely worth every penny:

iPhone 11

Owning this device has kind of ruined my life, to be honest. I was already pretty addicted to my phone, but the size of this screen and sleekness of the device have me hooked. The best feature, by far, is the fact that I can more easily do the New York Times crossword on this screen, which is truly the only thing I care about in this life. And I have to admit, I love the facial recognition. I know Apple is probably conspiring with the government and stealing my identity or whatever, but the level of convenience of opening things with Face ID is…almost worth it? Saying this really feels like the Chrissy Teigen tweet about Airpods, don’t cancel me.

Casetify Phone Case

This thing is indestructible, and comes in about a billion designs. I, of course, went with the sunflower pattern. I got a discount code from a podcast for 20% off, but I’d absolutely pay full price for another one.

AirPods

I finally did it. I caved and bought AirPods. I was going to buy them through Apple, but I found the same ones on Amazon for considerably cheaper (I bought this silicone protective case too). I…love them. I can’t believe I didn’t buy them sooner.

Magnetic Car Mount

A lot of phone shit, I know. but I’ve tried every type of car mount on the market, and this is by a mile the best. The magnet is super strong, and you can just stick it inside your case so you don’t have a big ugly sticker on the back. The best part is, for only $6, it’s a 2-pack, so you can give one to your significant other. My husband is still rocking an iPhone 6+, but the gear’s ready for him whenever he decides to upgrade.

The Comfiest Cardigan

Target has really been coming thruuuu with cute clothes and décor lately. This cardigan, from their A New Day line, is legitimately the coziest garment I own. I love it so much, I went back for another one.

The Best Earrings in the Game

Okay, so I’m wildly biased, because creator and entrepreneur Shelly Harper is my cousin, but damned if I don’t love her work. She is a fucking artist. Harp Designs is a woman-owned, woman-made brand out of Oakland, CA, and it makes the jewelry at retailers like Madewell look like an absolute lil’ bitch. Everything she makes is outstanding, but these earrings are so fun that I had to have them in gold and silver.

A Kitchen Table

The pub table in my kitchen had been rickety for a while, but for the ~$100 I paid for it, it certainly served its purpose. Helping my mother shop for her new home, I stumbled across this beauty, basically a dupe of my old table, except cuter, and I simply had to have it. It could be a little sturdier, but to its credit, I built it, so…

Savage Lovecast Magnum Edition

IT’S VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, OKAY! I’m done with podcast ads, they’ve been my undoing! This podcast is my must-listen of my week, and I respect Dan so much for evolving and growing and doing everything in his power to get progressive ideas into the mainstream dialogue. Nobody’s perfect, but I’ve never not enjoyed an episode of this show. I also subscribed to Slate Plus for Dear Prudence and Stitcher Premium for Groceries, and I have zero regrets (except for the fact that Stitcher is quite possibly the ugliest, least user-friendly app on the planet). The Stitcher subscription won’t last, but ad-free podcasts were absolutely the highlight of 2019 for me.

Netflix & Hulu (no commercials!) Subscriptions

To be fair, I’ve had these for a lot longer than a year, but when you’re trying to live that homebody life and save money, these services are indispensable! We got rid of cable about a year ago, so this is the only way I can keep up with my programmes. For the combined total of $20.98/month, I get more TV than I could ever find the time to consume. Beautiful.

Monthly Charitable Donations

I’ve been donating $5/month to the ACLU & Planned Parenthood since the day after the 2016 election. It’s not much, but the number of donors to these organizations is often as important a metric as the amount donated. Planned Parenthood is an organization which is particularly near and dear to my heart, and from whose services I have personally benefitted. I also give to WERS, which is the local radio station out of Emerson College, because independent radio is important, and for my money, it’s the only radio station in the Greater Boston Area that plays anything I’d ever want to listen to.

A Tattoo

Hell yeah. So, here’s the story from A to Z—when I was 21, and towards the end of my last pre-husband relationship, I impulsively got a matching tattoo of (gag) Minnie Mouse on my ribs with my ex-boyfriend. That was in July…we broke up in November. So, for nearly 7 years, I’ve been living with this incredibly stupid-looking reminder of the guy I started dating when I was 18. No shade to him—I truly hope he’s living his best life, he’s a great guy—but it also seems psycho to have this permanently etched on my body. So, I put out some feelers on Facebook (I know…) and my friend Lauren hipped me to her shop. After perusing the various portfolios of the recommended shops, Famous Tattoos in Dartmouth won out. It’s clean, not too far away, and the work speaks for itself. Cut to a few months later—it was the best body art experience of my life. Ryan Vidinha is incredibly talented and so skillful with the tattoo needles. I sat for a cumulative 6 hours between two sessions, and he made it an absolute pleasure. And SO REASONABLY PRICED for what he was able to accomplish. My shop 4 life. Having a beautiful piece of art in place of what used to be an embarrassing blemish is so freeing. Best money I’ve ever spent.

Oh, and I got another tattoo, whilst I was on vacation in Florida. Gaze upon it. Apparently I wore the exact same outfit to both.

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Laser Tattoo Removal

I know, I just got an enormous cover-up tattoo. Why wouldn’t I just do the same in this case? Look, I tried. Because of the placement of my wrist tattoo, and how heavily the line-work was done, it’d be nearly impossible to do a cover-up that wasn’t giant and blobby to cover the black. Luckily, I discovered Disappearing Inc. Utter pros. Tattoo removal is a long, expensive process, and I’m so lucky to have Jenna as my technician. The tattoo is 3 stars (from the corner of the pages of Harry Potter, I truly was an absolute dumb bitch as a youth) and they’re so poorly done. They never healed correctly. I’ve cringed looking at them for years, and I’m so excited to see them slowly fade away. Read up on how tattoo removal works—it’s nuts and fascinating!

So it’s been a wrap-wrap-wrap up, a 12-month wrap-up. Thanks for tuning in!

*You know a bitch got out her 1973 edition of the Riverside Shakespeare to make sure she typed that correctly. Act V, scene i of MacBeth, my fave play 4 life.

Shout Out Sunday 2.9.20

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment

Good day, sunshines! I truly think I’d post these more regularly if it weren’t for the pressure of choosing a photo. This week—I don’t even care. Let’s get to it, shall we?

sanders_32
nothing but respect for my president
  1. I absolutely need this poster. And if you want to get me the accompanying t-shirt, I won’t be mad. And, I cannot tell a lie, I bought the tote.
  2. My skin, especially my hands, have been dry af this winter, so I’ve been using this nonstop.
  3. I know it’s only February, but this has to be the best album of the year, right?
  4. Michael and I started watching Curb Your Enthusiasm again and, it’s truly the greatest show ever made.
  5. We also just watched the newest season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and it’s an absolute fever dream. I think I’ll watch it again before I form a solid critical opinion. I’m also listening to the Maisel Goys, of course.
  6. Can’t wait to watch Alison Brie’s new movie, Horse Girl.
  7. I also really want to watch the Taylor Swift documentary.
  8. I joined DSA on New Year’s Day. Link up!
  9. This song slaps, and was used quite beautifully in Sex Education, a show I cannot help but stan in all of these lists every week.
  10. This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Peace to all freaks! Until next week,

c

Shout Out Sunday 1.26.20

Chelsea HarperLeave a comment
So, as you can tell by the title, this is…very late. As I was about to hit “post,” I heard the tragic news of Kobe Bryant’s passing (I talk more about that later) and it felt strange not to address it in some way. This ended up in limbo, but as a measure of accountability to myself, I’m forging ahead.

Good morning, good morning! It’s great to stay up late! Good morning, good morning, to you! Embarrassingly, I know this song from Retta’s instagram stories and not, you know, Singing in the Rain. I think I might have to do a classic movie deep-dive, since there are so many I haven’t seen!

  1. I bought myself a late Christmas gift. Chelseas can have a little purse, as a treat. My honest review is that, while this bag is very cute, it has the same issue as my other little Kate Spade…I just carry too much gd stuff. It’s a great buy for anyone who doesn’t carry around a Kindle, a notebook-sized planner, and a makeup kit everywhere they go. I honestly need to just wheel around an old-lady grocery cart.
  2. I just booked myself my first ever lash lift & tint! Granted, I have to wait until March 21st, because that’s literally the first open Saturday appointment they had, but alas. I’ve wanted to try this for so long, since I have straight, stubby lashes and wear a TON of mascara. Depending on how it goes and if I like the facility, I might try extensions. I know it’s a bit shallow, but 2020 is the year of going for it.
  3. On the note of “going for it,” I’m going to New York City in April to see not one, but TWO Broadway shows! This is a bucket-list item for me, big time. My amazing friend Annie, with whom I roomed at Oxford, planned the whole thing. The only finger-lifting I had to do was pressing the Pay button on Venmo. We’ll be seeing Hadestown and Six. I’m excited for both, but anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with British royal history, especially Henry VIII.
  4. The store was out of Burt’s Bees Micellar Water yesterday, so I grabbed this one to try. Will report back if I like it!
  5. Finally joined DSA. No war but class war!
  6. This video of a couple making traditional tofu for Chinese New Year is currently my favorite thing on the internet. It should be prescribed as an anti-anxiety medication.
  7. Unsurprisingly, my life-long dream is to be a Jeopardy! contestant. Should I just go for it?? I registered for the online test years ago and then FORGOT TO TAKE IT (this was many years before Adderall blessed my executive functioning skills). Maybe this time, I’ll get lucky…

On quite another note…

This might be kind of strange or glib to toss at the end of a post like this, but I just heard the news about Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna’s tragic death and I’m crushed. I am not a basketball fan by any stretch, but to see such a young man and his child die so senselessly would affect anyone with a heart. My thoughts are very much with Vanessa and their family, and with the families of anyone who loses a child.

I had a death in my family on December 10th, the first one in years, the first one that really hit home, and I have not quite figured out this unmanageable thing, grief. As a lifelong atheist, I have no promise of eventual reunion or comfort in the notion of a “better place.” There’s just pain, pain that doesn’t fade, pain that feels like a physical weight on my chest. With no warning, I am overcome at random intervals with the sickening creep of grief. But I’m lucky. The person I loved and lost lived a long life, and had been suffering and ill for a long time. His death was in many ways a mercy. The greatest irony of our existence is that, eventually, we all must learn to live with death in order to survive.

Until next week,

Chels