Week Links [6 December]

  1. Had to commemorate one of most iconic moments in all of culture.
  2. I’ve been rewatching New Girl and marveling at how well-written it is. I may or may not be screen-grabbing iconic lines and posting them to Twitter
  3. Am I going to be the person who buys the trendy pan? I don’t want to add “trendy pan person” to my already insufferable identity but alas, my resolve is weak. Thankfully it’s sold out in the color I want.
  4. Speaking of utterly insane shit I’ve done or thought about doing this week, I bought a retro mini-fridge for my office for drinks and snacks. Y’know, my office which is…next to the kitchen. In my defense, kombuchas take up a lot of valuable fridge real estate! It has a freezer too, so I can stock up on the lemon sorbet bars to which I am addicted. Also, I’ve cut my alcohol consumption by a huge amount, but I’ve always fancied one day having a wine fridge.
  5. This is the cutest goddamned outfit I’ve ever seen in my life.
  6. Speaking of sets, I got this hoodie and these joggers because I’m clearly never leaving my house again.
  7. Always been very flattered that the best style of boots is named after me. And speaking of my name, this t-shirt is so cute. My husband got a kick out of me wearing it.
  8. My holiday dress is super on sale.
  9. I finally bought a light therapy lamp because my winter blues were out of control. It could just be a placebo effect but I really think it helps!
  10. Half of my brain thinks that single-use kitchen gadgets are stupid and half of my brain bought this egg cooker. (Update: I love it and it’s perfect. They’re under $20 at Target!)
  11. I want to fill my entire house with this entire line.
not ashamed! although the cleavage is an accident/absolute lie brought to you by this bra.

My 2020 Christmas Wishlist

Look, am I really just making this so that I can send it to my husband because he asked what I wanted for Christmas? Honestly yes. Prices range from literally $8 to $300 so it’s basically impossible to disappoint me. Online window shopping is one of my favorite activities, so, in a way, simply making this list was its own gift. Here are all the (mostly) practical things on my Christmas list this year.

Bling

  1. HARP Designs Classic Hairpins – Shelly makes the most iconic jewelry in the game, and these hairpins combine fashion and function. I’m such a dork that I “tested” using the hair pins with a cheap set from Target, and I’m absolutely sold. I want one in every size!
  2. On that note, I would also like a pair of these in every size, starting with the largest. Hoop girl for life. P.S. HARP is 20% off sitewide right now with the code “ENJOYBY2020.”
  3. Tiffany Mini Double Heart Tag Pendant – I feel like owning something from Tiffany is kind of a rite of passage, don’t you? This necklace is super dainty and timeless.
  4. Roxanne Assoulin Color Therapy Bracelet Big Set in Pink – I’ve wanted these forever! I also love this rainbow bracelet set (Shopbop).

Slippers

I hate wearing anything on my feet (flower child forever), but people are constantly getting on me to at least wear socks or slippers in the winter. Perhaps I can be convinced if I get one of the following pairs…

  1. Minnetonka Moccasin Lolo Slippers in Blush / Nordstrom
  2. Sam Edelman Jinnie Faux Fur Slipper in Blush
  3. UGG Fluff Yeah Slide Slippers / Nordstrom
  4. UGG Scuffette II Slippers in Leopard or June Gloom
  5. Madewell Leopard Slippers

Snow Boots

It’s bad enough that I live in a cold climate, so do all snow boots have to be super ugly? For the past few years, I’ve avoided being outdoors in inclement weather at all costs, but when I did have to traverse the snow, I just wear a cheap pair of faux leather riding boots from Target that I don’t care about ruining. This year I think it’s time to finally invest in a decent pair, and knowing me, they’ll last the rest of my life due to how infrequently I’ll wear them. And hey, maybe when the virus is less of a constant looming lethal threat, I’ll go skiing to really justify the purchase.

  1. Sorel Joan of Arctic Next Snow Boot in White or Mauve Vapor – I can’t picture a more classic snow boot.
  2. UGG Adirondack III Waterproof Boot in Charcoal / Nordstrom
  3. Sorel Out N About Plus Waterproof Bootie in Alpine Tundra
  4. Hunter Original Waterproof Chelsea Rain Boot in Cavendish Blue or Yellow – I mean, theoretically a rain boot would also be a sufficient snow boot.
  5. Prada Mini Bag Combat Boot (size 10.5 please, they run small!) – Okay, this is actually a joke since these are way beyond my budget and I’d never allow anyone to spend this much money on me. A girl can dream, though!

Home Goods

  1. SMEG Retro Style Electric Tea Kettle in Pink / Pastel Blue / Cream – Smeg is my dream appliance brand. If/when (optimism!) I ever become a woman of means, I want an entire Smeg kitchen. I’ve always loved retro/mid-century design, and I truly thought I’d be over it by now, as I approach my 30s and my tastes refine, but nope! I’m a mid-century girl for life. Now I just have to somehow pick between those three colors. This Pastel Blue set comes with a 2-slice pop-up toaster, which I actually also need. Compelling…
  2. SMEG Drip Coffee Maker in Pink / Pastel Blue / Cream – So, I have about every coffee accoutrement under the sun, but I actually have never owned a drip coffee machine! I think it would be nice to brew a whole pot of coffee in the morning that would actually stay warm until I went for seconds. Right now I use a French Press or Chemex for brewing more than single cups. The Smeg machines also come in bundles with grinders – Cream / Pastel Blue – which would be a dream coffee bar setup.
  3. Retro Microwave – I rarely use the microwave in my house because I’m one of those odious people that heats up leftovers on the stove/in the oven when time permits. The microwave we have now is perfectly fine, but it’s bulky and takes up a ton of counter space. This one is tiny, which is totally fine because we never have occasion to put a full dinner plate in there. I also love this Nostalgia model, as it’s on legs, which would make cleaning the counter so much easier, but it’s actually bigger than my current one.

2020 Best Ornaments Round-Up

I had to! Each year I lean harder into my Crazy Christmas Lady identity and this year has been no exception. This is the first year I’ve really leaned into buying fun ornaments. In previous years, I’ve done simple trees with gold bulbs and a few sentimental ornaments, but now that I have my new white tree [similar here], I’m adding pops of color all over! What follows is a round-up of some of my favorite ornaments that I’ve seen online and in stores this year. I didn’t get around to including Joann’s, but apparently they have a huge selection.

  • Everything at Michael’s is wildly on sale all the time, so yesterday I made it out with easily over $100 worth of merchandise for $50. Their décor game is strong always, but here are a few of my favorite ornaments.

Stand Mixer / Retro Van / Avocado / Chinese Takeout / Ramen / Menorah / Candy Canes

  • I have long extolled the virtues of the Target Wondershop, and this year it really stepped up its game.

Lemon / Iced Coffee / Retro Deer / MetroCard / Dinosaur / Nutcracker / Pool Float / Butter / Martini / Retro Tree

  • Anthropologie is another reliable source for excellent ornaments.

Mushrooms / Caviar / Cosmo Cocktail

  • West Elm has a ton of cute stuff this year.

Monograms / Rainbow / Tassel

  • The selection at CB2 is small but doesn’t disappoint.

Cheetah Bulb / Cacti / Fortune Cookie / Marble Swirl Bulbs / Art Deco Bulbs

Personalized Gifts!

I am an absolute sucker for personalization. Monogramming? Yes, please! It’s such an easy and often, inexpensive, way to let the people in your life know that their gifts are just for them. Anyone else come from a huge regifting family? *raises hand aggressively*

I’m sure there’s some deep-seated psychological reason that I like personalized gifts (it could be the regifting thing I’ve just mentioned). I’ve always been kind of a private person, especially with my family (the primary purveyors of gifts), so it wasn’t until adulthood that I felt that gift-givers really *got* me, and even now, I mostly choose my own gifts, or buy them for my damn self (gif of Beyoncé in “Independent Woman Pt. 1”). Or, it could be that the Carrie necklace from Sex and the City imprinted on me at a young age. Either way, I think that intentional gifts, ones made just for the gift-giver, are so special, and can range from a homemade card to a monogrammed luxury bag. Below, I’ve included several across different price ranges that I’ve come across this season.

Under $25

  1. If you have a musician in your life, I can’t think of anything cuter than customized guitar picks.

Under $50

  1. These custom Simpsons portraits are SO COOL. There are a few shops that do them, at a range of price points, so it’s definitely worth shopping around.
  2. These Birth Month Flower necklaces are so gorgeous. And, I may be biased, but the August one is definitely the best, right?
  3. These personalized name rings are a perfect gift for anyone with children or pets. I have one with my cat’s name on it, because I guess I’m that person now, and it arrived in just over 2 weeks in beautiful packaging.
  4. This initial necklace is dainty, adorable, and once again, perfect for anyone with kids or pets. Or, if you’re me, you can buy one that spells out “ADHD.”
  5. I think the seller of this custom necklace intended for buyers to requests to have important names or dates engraved on them. But again, if you’re me, you currently have two in your Etsy cart, one with the names “George, Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer,” and one with “Frasier, Niles, Daphne, Roz.” They can’t legally prevent me from doing that.
  6. These custom Pisa necklaces from Baublebar are the best. I have one in the white multi-color (my name) and one in black/gold with my birth year. They take up to 9 letters or characters. They give me summer camp craft vibes!
  7. Speaking of arts and crafts, how cute are these beaded bracelets?

Under $100

  1. Did you know you can customize Converse? I did this once years ago and they were a big hit. They let you choose everything, from the eyelets to the stitching, and you can embroider text or designs onto them to make them totally one-of-a-kind.

Under $200

  1. The Medium Transport Tote is a classic leather bag, and Madewell offers free monogramming! And they have pouches and clutches to match, which you can also personalize!

Under $300

  1. If you have a fashionista in your life, but you’re (like me) a “practical gifts only” person, may I suggest the Louis Vuitton 6 Key Holder? You can customize it with different materials or colors, and hot-stamping is totally free, so you can monogram the gift for yourself or your loved one. PLUS, LV ships insanely fast (like, under 48 hours fast). Don’t ask me how I know that. I already had the Prada version of this key holder, which I somehow snagged secondhand in perfect condition for $40, so I can confirm that it’s an adorable and extremely useful way to organize your keys.
  2. I’m putting this one in the higher $$$ category just because of how wide the price range is, but you can get a Cameo from about half of the cast of The Office. You can also get one from Sean Gunn (Kirk from Gilmore Girls) and I literally can’t think of a more iconic gift. There are some people on there who truly seem way too famous to bother with this, but I’m not questioning it! Should I do something as unhinged as buy one from the Soup Nazi? Actually no. Scratch that. GEORGE WENDT IS ON THERE.
i cannot help but to extol the virtues of this nifty lil’ bud! why aren’t keyholders like this more commonplace?

Week Links [15 November]

Good morning, comrades! Another week on the books. I realize that this is likely not the case, but it is my sincerest hope that you got Veteran’s Day off to rest and recoup during what has been an exhausting and frankly, traumatizing month. And on that note, I feel like I make this point every year, but even though I am extremely anti-war and feel that the military should be dissolved and its disgustingly over-inflated budget redistributed to fund robust social programs that actually protect American lives, I am extremely pro-veterans and their rights/benefits. Two things can be true at once! Especially given the military’s predatory recruiting tactics and that, for many, military service is the least worst option, the very least they deserve is an annual holiday. *end soapbox*

Anyway, other than being mad as hell about political discourse, I have been staying the fuck home, because I live in a cold climate and I am not trying to get coronavirus! I’m disgusted by how unwilling my fellow, privileged, work-from-homers are to hunker down through winter to mitigate the spread. Can we all just get some soy eggnog and some fun Hanukkah or Christmas mugs and just stop being reckless? Cool! And yes, I do have both of those mugs because festivity is my coping mechanism.

I’ll shut up now! Here’s this week’s list of miscellany and ephemera. La la love you, don’t mean maybe.

  1. Can’t stop listening to this iconic song from 15 years ago! I love Tori Amos so much.
  2. Best modern Christmas album, sorry.
  3. Obsessed with this Etsy shop!! I also love this print shop, and have the Trade Daddy print (of course!) Madison also runs the amazing Instagram account @rulesofculture. She is doing the Lord’s work.
  4. There’s a Schitt’s Creek farewell special on Netflix called Best Wishes, Warmest Regards and I could not emotionally handle it. I may or may not have convulsed with sobs.
  5. Speaking of shows, I think I’m going to watch The Queen’s Gambit. I couldn’t be less interested in chess, but I’ve heard it’s incredible and quite horny.
  6. I haven’t made this cheesecake in a couple of years but it’s my favorite, favorite recipe.
  7. I snagged a past-season version of this Prada key holder on Poshmark for forty dollars and I am in love with it. Mine is blush pink and in perfect condition. I love that it has a slot for my ID, so I can travel light on trips to Starbucks or Target (or really, anywhere, since basically every store has Apple Pay at this point). If you’re patient, you can score really nice second-hand designer goods on Poshmark or TheRealReal…I tell myself that shopping this way is “sustainable” and not “a reckless waste of money.”
  8. I don’t know why it took my so long to buy replacement reeds for all of my oil diffusers, but I finally did. My favorite oil blends are from this Atlanta-based company (although they don’t seem to be selling them right now!), and these seasonal ones from the Target Hearth & Hand line. The little ceramic bottles are aesthetic af…I’ll probably keep reusing them long after the oil runs out. I am extremely particular about scents, so I tend to like things that closely mimic nature (pine, tobacco, etc). Vanilla makes me gag—great flavor, terrible candle scent.
  9. I finally found an ornament storage solution that has a decent capacity and doesn’t cost a million dollars. I bought 2, because I am planning to go so hard with my Christmas ornament collection over the years.
  10. I was fortunate enough to attend the Ifill Forum on Saturday (the fourth anniversary of Gwen Ifill’s passing) where Sherrilyn Ifill and Ava DuVernay spoke about the election and racial justice. Hearing Sherrilyn condemn the prison industrial complex and the way that history will remember this era had me in tears.
  11. I’d be remiss not to mention that we lost Alex Trebek last week. I’d known he was ill for a long time, but it still came as a shock. One of my biggest regrets is that I missed a taping of Jeopardy! in 2017 because I was…too hungover (I am an idiot!!!). I really thought I’d have another chance. My dad went to the taping on his own and now it’s one of his most cherished memories. Jeopardy! has been special to me for my entire life. Even as a toddler, I watched it with my dad—as I got older, I went from marveling that anyone could know the answers to being a fierce competitor. Alex Trebek was a brilliant man—effortlessly classy, a consummate host. He touched so many people’s lives, and I’m so grateful for the way he touched mine.

Week Links [8 November]

Well, we did it. Or, we didn’t do it, but organizers in swing states did it. Special shout out to Philly, Detroit, & Atlanta. I love Atlanta, and when we’re allowed to travel again, I’m definitely doing long weekends in Philly and Detroit and giving them all of my tourism money. I think we’ll always remember where we were when we found out the election had been called—I was washing dishes, and I got a text from my husband that said, “Is Biden President??” I immediately responded, “No,” but then I refreshed the ABC News live map on my phone and my heart stopped for a second. I kind of wish I’d gotten to see the news break in real time, but I’LL TAKE IT. Remember, remember the 7th of November, bitch!

I’ll be critical next week, but this weekend is for celebration. One less thing to worry about. We pop bottles when we vote out fascists.

  1. Never going to stop listening to this song for as long as I live! Let’s make it the most streamed rap song of all time. This is also in the running.
  2. Speaking of patriotism, Whitney Houston’s performance of “The Star Spangled Banner” is the best version ever performed or recorded. It’s hard to find a decent video of it, but this one starts at 1:15.
  3. Really wishing I had these champagne coupes to toast this weekend. *theatre kid voice* Raise a glass to freedom, something they can never take away!
  4. The Target Wondershop is absolutely popping off this year. Can you even handle this lemon ornament? I’m trying to be deliberate about my decoration curation, because the ornaments we had in my house growing up were really special—some from my mom’s childhood, some from ours—and although I am an Aesthetic™ bitch, I do want to bring that happy energy to my own children’s lives, should I ever be lucky enough to have kids (waiting on that vaccine for sure). And if I’m being honest, I’m probably going to get this retro tree in both sizes. I love that shit that was old even 25 years ago when I was a kid is coming back into vogue. *cue “Landslide“*
  5. I finally bought this sweatshirt after weeks of waffling because I thought it might be a jinx. Proud of my vote! Should I get a set of pearls to go with?
  6. My friend Rachel made a playlist of showtunes to blast when Biden’s victory was declared. She is an icon and a national treasure.
  7. Did we know that MIZ Stacey Abrams writes romance novels? Gonna have to find a way to buy all of them.
  8. I’ve been compiling a list of recipes to make if I’m ever allowed to host a gathering again and this is a definite yes. P.S. Very excited to soon have a President who believes in science and will take whatever measures are possible to mitigate the spread of the virus!
  9. I rewatched the 1997 animated film Anastasia on HBO Max on Wednesday (because stress), and I have to say it’s wildly underrated. Name a better voice cast! There are FIVE musical numbers before the 30 minute mark.
  10. My husband sent me this video about the most important run in music history. I’ve been working on this since roughly 2011 and I don’t think I’ve ever successfully done it.
  11. And, like, no neolib, but it is actually a huge fucking deal that Kamala Harris is our first woman Vice President. She has some blemishes on her record that she needs to acknowledge and atone for, and she wasn’t my choice in the primaries, but a Black, South Asian daughter of immigrants and HBCU grad without children who didn’t take her husband’s last name being elected to the second-highest office in the land? Representation matters—in big ways (young black and brown girls in this country get to grow up with a leader that looks like them), and slightly less significant, but still remarkable ways (you don’t have to give birth or let your identity be subsumed by a man’s to make it in politics). Even Hillary Clinton reluctantly took her husband’s last name in the interest of political expediency. This is a bit of a pet issue for me, I’ll admit, but in 2021 we’re moisturizing, drinking water, and not participating in the patriarchy anymore.
it is with a heavy heart that i must admit that young joe biden was a snack

Week Links [4 November]

*I wrote this before the election, so please bear with me. I’m not ready to address it, but I did sob profusely for several hours last night, and I’m pretty sure I went through all of the stages of grief and have come out the other side a bit numb, but otherwise unscathed. We can do this.

Spooky season is over, suckas! Now is my time to shine. I actually love Thanksgiving (because food), but all those browns and earth tones? Just not my aesthetic. In my house, the second Halloween comes to pass (or in this case, the day before…) it’s all Christmas time all the time.

i don’t usually do anything for halloween, but this year since it was on a saturday and i had nothing else going on, i did a bargain-bin version of midge maisel. i even posted an impression on my instagram stories, so i believe i achieved full holiday cringe.

Apart from disassociating due to election stress, I’ve been re-reading Rebecca, drinking lots of water, and filling my entire home with winter-scented reed diffusers. My eyes are permanently dry and itchy from constant doom-scrolling. Not everyone has the privilege/luxury of leaning into self-care, so I’m extremely grateful that I have the flexibility and means to take care of myself right now. I encourage you to find little joyful moments wherever you can, because even if “we win” (as flimsy and hollow as that ultimately is), it’s going to be months or years more of the pandemic and a lifetime more of fighting to repair (or completely overhaul) the systems that brought us here in the first place. Wear a mask, stay home if you can, and please, always punch Nazis.

  1. I would be lying to you if I told you I hadn’t bought this sweatshirt and also this top.
  2. This is my new Christmas tree. I’m blessed with a high ceiling in my living room, so 7ft feels appropriate for my level of enthusiasm. It does not disappoint IRL…it kicks the ass of any tree I’ve ever had. Are you a real tree or a fake tree person? We had a real one maybe once when I was a kid, but I’m a fake tree gal for life. My skinny rose gold tree is no longer in stock, but this one is very similar.
  3. Okay, so the spending freeze has been going pretty well, with the slight exception of Christmas-related items. I figured that technically that’s my household budget, not my personal one, so I got a few little things at Target, one of which was this comforter set. Our current duvet set is blush pink and just doesn’t have the appropriate winter vibe! I feel like this one is just “holiday” enough, but not so obvious that we can’t use it until spring.
  4. This instrumental EP is all vibes.
  5. I love love love Ramy Youssef, so I’m 0% surprised that his special, Feelings on HBO Max, is amazing.
  6. I finally started watching Never Have I Ever on Netflix, and even though I usually don’t have much interest in shows revolving around kids, it’s really pulling at the ol’ heartstrings. I just sobbed to U2’s “Beautiful Day,” actually, so I’m doing great!
  7. On that notes, I’ve been listening to Mindy Kaling’s new short story collection, Nothing Like I Imagined, and it’s so much fun. She’s such a sweet, funny writer, in addition to being a style icon and comedy legend. Every time I try to quit Amazon, they put out something like this. I finally understand drug addiction.
  8. Random, but this is my favorite hot sauce ever. My friend Gilly sent it to me (Recess is one of my favorite coffee shops, so we look forward to her care packages all year). 10/10 perfect flavor. She also sent me this tank, which I wear constantly. It’s made with some miracle fabric that somehow makes me look extremely skinny. Can’t be explained by science.
  9. Anthro’s ornaments section will bankrupt me.
  10. I started watching Nora from Queens on HBO Max, and it’s honestly worth it just to watch Bowen Yang perform “Bubbly.”

Week Links [25 October]

honestly? a vibe.

Good morning! It’s been a minute! I have to admit that it’s hard to come up with ten+ things a week to talk about that aren’t repeats, given that we’re all still stuck inside, going through the motions. I’m going to try to do a spending freeze for a week, starting tomorrow…it should be easy, but ever since I entered the workforce on my 16th birthday, shopping has honestly been my main source of serotonin.

Another amazing source of serotonin that I didn’t truly appreciate until my mid-twenties is…Christmas! So, full disclosure, I am the most annoying and staunch atheist you’ll ever meet (though I try to be very respectful of other people’s views and have friends from several different religious backgrounds!), but Christmas is my jam. I’ve already made my (all secular) Christmas playlists and plan on decorating on November 1st (I think you have to at least wait until Halloween is over). I have two Christmas trees…I do not mess around. I think this will probably be the year I finally upgrade my hand-me-down pre-lit green tree with colored bulbs to a chic white one (the other is rose gold, nbd). Last year I didn’t decorate at all because I was severely depressed and grieving the loss of a family member, so this year I plan to go ALL OUT to make up for lost time. Call me sappy, but I feel very inspired by the Christmas season. During (literally) the darkest time of year, everywhere you look is bright and festive. One incredible thing about getting older is that I’ve become so much less cynical and have learned to actually find joy in things that are meant to be joyful.

Anyway, fair warning: there will probably be a lot of Christmas content from me this year. Also, if you don’t think “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is at least a Top 5 Christmas song, please unsubscribe.

Well, what follows has nothing to do with anything I’ve written here, so…[insert segue]

  1. Honestly can’t believe I haven’t shouted out the new Sufjan. Get into The Ascension.
  2. I’ve officially reached a new quarantine delusion level. I’m buying handbags and accoutrements as though I’ll ever leave my house again. Where could I even wear platform purple sandals in real life, much less during the plague? Same question, but about these.
  3. Dresses like this are my entire vibe now.
  4. Gonna try this out on my new blonde locks (see below).
  5. Mariah writes about this VH1 Divas performance in her book and that chapter is must-read entertainment. Apparently the drama has been much discussed!
  6. I am hanging on by a THREAD not buying these. Perhaps even by the time you read this post, I will have caved. As someone with (self-diagnosed, to be fair) Reynaud’s who has a complex about never having been able to follow trends as a youth (cut to me purchasing a Longchamp bag in 2016), I am extremely susceptible to capitalistic peer pressure, especially when it involves warmth!
  7. I am too poor to buy everything from this amazing queer, trans-owned jewelry company, but that doesn’t make me want to any less! Plz give me all of the anklets!
  8. Borat Subsequent Moviefilm was actually a delight.
  9. I’ll definitely be making these tempeh lettuce wraps soon.
  10. Be honest—should I get this poster? I love this Etsy shop; I think I’m going to do a Tarantino wall in our media room.
  11. Got these adorable earrings from Flower Dangles. My handmade earring collection is one of my greatest treasures!
*extremely kate-mckinnon-as-keith-urban voice* who did your highlights?

Enjoy what’s left of your weekend, and if you observe the Spooky Season, I wish you a Happy Halloween! -chels

Week Links [11 October]

Good morning! Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and my emotional state can confirm! Has anyone else had massive anxiety for about two weeks? RBG’s death followed by literally everyone in the administration getting COVID was the impetus for quite a lot of doom-scrolling. I know I’m not supposed to be happy that *he* got it, and I’m not sure that’s quite the emotion the news inspired, but he has also mismanaged the virus response so egregiously (I consider it tantamount to murder) that over half the amount of Americans that died in WWII have been killed by COVID in less than a year. But remember this time, 4 years ago, when the Access Hollywood tape leaked and we all gleefully thought it had fucked him out of a chance at the presidency? Remember that? If I could bottle that optimism and inject it directly into my veins…

I’ve been listening to a lot of pop music from the early ’00s lately (hello “Pieces of Me” by Ashlee Simpson!), which I’m sure is some sign that I’m emotionally regressing due to stress. After the 2016 election, I drank wine every day and obsessively binged-watched Gilmore Girls, so I’d actually consider this a significant improvement. If the past few years has taught me anything, it’s taught me that we can weather almost any storm and that genuine good can come from tragedy. Can you imagine white people meaningfully discussing police abolition even a couple of years ago? It shouldn’t have taken electing a dangerous fascist/racist/homophobic/misogynist/transphobic/xenophobic administration to get us here, but I can’t see us going back now that we’ve arrived.

All of which is to say that I woke up extremely early this morning and have had a lot of coffee, so I’m cutting myself off from writing anymore about the apocalyptic state of things. Enjoy a martini recipe.

  1. Schitt’s Creek season 6 is on Netflix, on the off-chance that you hadn’t already binged it.
  2. Jester, I have done it again. I’ve always said that the FIRST thing I would do if I ever made real money would be to get laser hair removal from my eyebrows to my toes. Hair removal is a patriarchal scam, blah blah blah, I get it, but as a person with skin so pale it’s translucent and black body hair, removal has eaten away like a third of my life. I have to tweeze my eyebrows and shave my underarms every day. When I did ancestry.com, I’m honestly surprised my results didn’t come back 100% Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal (I’ve…never taken an anthropology course). All of which is to say, though I haven’t hit it big just yet, I have decided to give at-home IPL removal a try. Even if it only delivers 20% of the results it promises, that will still be a huge improvement.
  3. Baking papo secos for the first time today! Portuguese real ones will know.
  4. Would it be psychotic to start using tanning lotion? I’ve heard amazing things about this brand and I think my legs (especially) could really use it.
  5. Mindy Kaling had a surprise baby?! Congratulations to the new mama of two! I’m so excited to read her newest essay collection.
  6. Bowen Yang remains my religion.
  7. Are we all attending Jen Kirkman’s Dysfunctional Christmas Show? I’ve been trying to get to one in LA for years (I have family in LA, jealous???), but the one upside of the pandemic is that I can stream that shit right to my TV!
  8. I’m trying to drink less and ABM publishes this martini recipe? Rude, honestly.
  9. How have I never read this interview with my forever king? I can confirm that at least this Chelsea is a pretty neat person/Birkenstock-wearing kid.
  10. My fourth wedding anniversary is coming up, and while the fourth is pretty irrelevant, the fifth seems pretty significant…needless to say, I’ve been browsing anniversary rings online. I’d like to shop indie/sustainable brands, but it looks like the diamond/white gold combo is très passé, because all the cool companies are doing yellow gold. I did find this delicate cutie on Mejuri, but this is more my speed
  11. And speaking of anniversaries, I just bought our actual anniversary gift. I was going to surprise Michael but I was way too excited!
  12. Finally, I don’t exactly keep my politics close to the vest (see above!), but I feel like it’s so important to reiterate that, despite Biden being very nearly my last choice in the primaries, I am ride or die for Biden-Harris. I’m not optimistic enough to think we’ll have a free and fair election (oh, to be young again!) but it would be shameful to not even try. I vote in person on Election Day because my polling place is awesome and right down the street from me, but not everyone has that luxury. This website breaks down how to register to vote and how to vote in every state. If you’re voting by mail, get that shit in the ballot box yesterday. Make a voting plan, and make sure everyone in your life plans to do the same. Taking ten minutes out of your day could bring us one step closer to defeating the rise of fascism. And it’s not just at the Presidential level–get to know your local candidates and yes, for now, vote blue no matter who.

Week Links [9 October]

when baryshnikov doesn’t understand the value of the name necklace? that’s curtains, honey.

Hello again! This week was all about embracing my inner basic. I’ve been bingeing Sex and the City, a show I’ve seen 100 times, I’m waffling as to whether to buy the purple patent leather Miu Miu platform sandals that are so on sale, and the other day I only left the house to stock up on kombucha. It’s…definitely possible that I’m self-soothing because everything in the world is wildly chaotic. We’ll go with that.

  1. I am certainly not what anyone would call *good* with money, but I seldom make luxury purchases. So it is with great pleasure that I announce that I have scored the bag of my dreams, a bag I have fantasized about for YEARS: the Mansur Gavriel bucket bag. The day I just happened to look into procuring one of these, TheRealReal just happened to be 20% sitewide and new shoppers just happened to get a $25 credit and I just happened to find a pink bucket bag in excellent condition for $245. Which means I paid under $200 including shipping and taxes. *insert Beyoncé “God is real” GIF* Did I go back and buy a second smaller one in white on pay day? Don’t come for me! (Update: They both arrived and they couldn’t be in better condition if they were purchased new.)
  2. On the subject of handbags, I have officially reached a new low and am now stalking the Telfar Instagram for news of drops. With god as my witness, I shall have one. (Update: I got one.)
  3. As a rabid fan of Las Culturistas, I feel it is my sworn duty to inform you that Matt Rogers is hosting a new show on HBO Max called Haute Dog. I watched an episode even though I famously dislike dogs. If you, unlike me, actually find dogs endearing, this is the show for you!
  4. I’m so excited to start reading Arden Myrin’s Little Miss Little Compton.
  5. I binged Emily in Paris on Netflix and it is not helping me deal with my COVID travel FOMO.
  6. I reactivated Audible to get Mariah Carey’s book. If it’s half as good as Jessica Simpson’s was, it will be a highlight of the year. Oh, and Lenny THEE Kravitz also just dropped a book.
  7. Las Cultch introduced me to Peppermint this week (I don’t watch Drag Race, don’t cancel me), and I can’t stop listening to sensual jam “Best Sex.”
  8. Did I buy a name necklace in this style at the same time I’m rewatching Sex and the City? Look…I never said I was a role model.
  9. The 2018 film version of King Lear slaps. One of the most iconic casts I’ve ever seen…royalty of British cinema.
  10. This clip from Catastrophe is my only statement on the vice presidential debate.